I am getting in touch as I would liked to share my feelings. I am trying to book an assessment but the website says there is no availability at the moment, so I emailed the team.
I moved to Nottingham last year, to start a PhD and after only two months my mum in Italy, I am from Italy, suddenly got diagnosed a terminal cancer at the lung which had already spreaded to the brain. After only eight months she passed away in December 2019 at the age of 59 and I spent with her, the last six months of her life. In the end of January 2020 I came back to Nottingham and I was kind of ok, going to the gym, to the laboratory for the research my PhD, meeting some friends, helped me a lot in carrying on and I had got the habit to grieve in the evening after dinner, when I was used to pray, light on a candle and think of her. Once the lockdown has started I ve found myself isolated alone at home, without going to work, to the gym and without meeting anybody and things got so much worse. I am looking forward for this lockdown to end and to be able to do my workouts in the gym,meet new friends and go to work. This lockdown has made me think of her and of those terrible months nearly every hour of my days. When sometimes I stop thinking of her, as soon as I remember of what happened, I feel a huge pain in my chest, in my heart and this feeling is devastating and it feels like it’s taking away from me all my energy and will to live, to do new things, to explore new things.
I would be very grateful if anyone who’s going through the same would share their own experience or even better, if anyone who already went through it , would like to share how the path has been and how things can change in a positive way and why not, I would be very happy to meet new friends in Nottingham. I also thought about volunteering but I don’t have any clue for choosing the right volunteering for me in this moment of my life as I want to be sure to have the necessary strength and energy For doing it in a new city, and in a foreign country.
Thank you for your support.
Welcome to this online community of people who all know what it feels to lose a loved one. We are all on this journey called ‘grief’, for some of us this started recently, for some a long time ago and all our stories are different. I am not surprised that you are finding this period of lockdown very difficult. It is only 5 months ago that your mum passed away. I lost my mum in September 2018 and my Dad in February 2017 and it took a long time before the deep sadness lessened. You spent 6 months with her, looking after her and watching her illness. That must have been very hard. In Italy you probably had support from a wider family which you must miss. You went back to your study quite soon and it sounds like you have kept yourself very busy which in a way is good, but there comes a time where your grief catches up with you and you have to allow yourself to take the time to go through it. The feelings yo describe are perfectly normal and will not last forever. Just keep an eye on the chestpain, it is probably all part of the emotional stress, but if it continues it may be good to visit your GP for a health check, When your mind fills with sad memories of your mum’s last months, try to think of happier memories you have of her. If it helps you to pray and light a candle each night, keep doing that. I hope that you will get lots of replies to your post. Do post as little or often as you like. You are not alone. We are all here for each other.