I’m completely new to this but i think i need someone to talk to. My mum was sdmitted to hospital on christmas eve following a fall. The doctors told me not long after she was admitted that she had suffered a massive stroke and it was not survivable.
Following this, she was admitted to a ward and did seem to rally round and was talking and not confused at all. I couldnt visit her every day, but good friends ran me to the hospital every couple of days with me liaising with the hospital over the phone on the other days.
Sadly, she began to deteriorate around the 3rd or 4th Jan and subsequently died on the 6th. I lived with mum and we were very close , i have no siblings or close family so I’m completely on my own (although friends havd been very supportive).
Ive been dealing with all the practical stuff over the last week or so but im just feeling completely numb and when the grief does come, it tends to come in violent waves like a jarring in my stomach
I havent cried for mum and im petrified that if i do, i wont be able to control it or turn it off.
Im not really eating or sleeping and having panic attacks especially at night when it’s quiet.
I had to deal with getting rid of mums car today and i found that especially difficult (probably because that most represented her?)and someone is coming to pick it up on wednesday which im dreading!
Im just feeling so totally lost and alone at the moment and have even had suicidal thoughts although that has eased now.
I understand it’s my brain needing to go through a process but i just feel hopeless at the moment
I’m so sorry for your loss. Our mums are central to our lives, and their loss is huge. It’s especially hard when it is so sudden and unexpected. I lost my mum 10 months ago but I still find it hits me all over again and surprises me. It will get better, though, and I think a really good cry is valuable. You need to let go and let it out.
Your mum would want your happiness though, in the long run. If you can find a groupnor online counselling, I think that would be good so that you can look at all your feelings and get them out with help and guidance.
There are lots of good people on here who will understand. Sending you very best wishes x
It really helps to know im not alone and im sure talking with people like yourself on here will help. As friends tell me, it’s still early days for me and very raw and while this numbness is there, im finding it hard to properly function. I know this will get better but it’s hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel right now
Thanks for reaching out though, I appreciate it x
I am so sorry Leon to hear of your loss. I too lost my Mom recently after she was admitted to hospital suffering from a stroke. I’m fairly new to this too but just wanted to say that you are not alone. Grief is such a strange thing, the mix of emotions, feels like a rollercoaster. But one of my good friends spoke from her experience and said that we need to allow ourselves to grieve exactly how we want to. I’ve been upset, angry, numb, had feelings of guilt etc…100 times over. Remember to not be hard on yourself, this will take time. Take things in small steps, a day at a time. Trying to eat and sleep will also have a positive impact on your wellbeing, as hard as it is. Please reach out to someone if you get dark thoughts again. Please don’t bottle your emotions up and suffer alone. Take care.
Firstly, i am so sorry for your loss. Mums are totally irreplaceable and if you lived together, you clearly had a good friendship too. That’s like losing two people out of the slots that make you as a person.very hard.
I lost my Mum, who I lived with, in December. She didn’t make it as far as hospital. It was very, very sudden and very strange.
I’m not generally someone who cries. I’ve spent so long being strong for my little mum, who iI adored, sheltered and cared for, physically and mentally. Now I can’t stop crying. I will burst into tears walking along a road, making a cup of tea, on waking up and on going to bed (although I actually haven’t managed to get to bed since, but that’s another story). I can’t tell you it helps. I have physical health conditons that worsen with crying. Sometimes I can’t see because my eyes are so salty and sore.
There is no right or wrong about crying. But I suspect it will happen at some point, whether you bottle it up now or not. The loss of a mother is completely overwhelming.
As i mentioned earlier. I dealt with mums car yesterday which i found especially difficult. Thankfully, a good friend came round and sat with me for a couple of hours which really helped.
Today, I decided i was going to tidy up and do housework etc as I’d not really done any since mum went into hospital. I started, but then came across a pair of mums shoes so had to stop. I was going to have a blitz of everywhere today but now know that was too ambitious
Completely understand that too. Having always been one of those people who thought it was wise to get rid of clothing quickly, I still haven’t started. I find slippers the saddest sight. Actually, in all honesty, I’m just sad all the time. It is just things, but they are last remnants of someone loved. Not the last reminders. But the physical presence.
Yes Barnacle, it’s hard isnt it? Ive busied myself with all the practical stuff that’s needed doing and there was a bit of a delay as i hsd to wait for certificates from the coroner.
Having spoken to mum ages ago, she expressed a wish for a cremation only funeral with no service which i sorted early on and the undertakers currently have mum in their care and are dealing with everything. Actually, im thankful of this as to be honest, I dont think I would have coped with a full on funeral right now. There’s going to be an inquest too which means i cant officially register death til that’s done.
Now the practical stuff is slowing down though so i expect it will hit me full on soon xx
The little things are absolutely crushing, sometimes and can come out of nowhere. Ten months on I can be feeling Ok and then something hots me that I’ve seen or heard and it’s so hard.
Very strangely, my Mum’s wishes were the same. The funeral directors told me when the cremation was going to take place, but I forgot that the Christmas supermarket delivery had been booked since October for that time or I’d have cancelled it, obviously. At exactly the moment of my Mum’s cremation, the supermarket deliveryman turned up with a lot of food I didn’t want to eat! Poor man.
And things have continued like a bad sitcom ever since!
Yeah i know what you mean. After mum died, a guy came to fix a part on the cooker which mum had previously arranged. He was really nice and asked me if I’d had a nice Christmas. I said “no, not really, my mum died on the 6th jan” The poor guy but i couldn’t really say “yes thanks”
Hi Leon I feel your pain my beloved Mum grew her angel wings on 5th January 2025 Mum was admitted into hospital with pneumonia on 7th December 2024 and put up a fight for 4 weeks. I never ever thought that she wouldn’t get better, the day before she passed I was in talks with the doctor about getting her back home her passing has hit me hard grief is such a rollercoaster of emotions.
I am so sorry to read you post about your mum.
I lost my mum 2 yrs ago but it feels like yesterday. It hasn’t got any easier except the initial rawness and constant crying has eased. I have become stronger though and this has helped me cope with my grief better than in the beginning. I too couldn’t eat,sleep or function in any form and basically just wanted to stay in bed forever.
Gradually after months I started taking baby steps and setting myself small targets for each day. One was to make myself a cup of tea as I basically couldn’t even do that. Luckily my husband did everything otherwise goodness knows how I would have managed.
Try to look after yourself . Rest and eat even if it’s something small. Accept any help you can have from friends and neighbours etc.
Cry if you feel you want to. Don’t bottle it up.
There will be high moments and low ones. Everyone’s grief is different and there’s no right or wrong way in dealing with it or getting through it.
Keep reaching out and posting on here. People are so kind on this site. Truly amazing wonderful people who understand what you are going through because they are going through the same as you. I have found this site a godsend and no way would I have managed without it. I hope you find the same.
Am sending you strength to carry on
Love Deborah
my beloved Mum grew her angel wings on 5th January 2025 
Mum was admitted into hospital with pneumonia on 7th December 2024 and put up a fight for 4 weeks. I never ever thought that she wouldn’t get better, the day before she passed I was in talks with the doctor about getting her back home