I lost my dear Mum on the 5th of Jan this year to Bile Duct Cancer. She got diagnosed around two years ago. I really struggling to accept this and I am emotionally numb. I don’t understand why I’m not emotional. My mum was my best friend and I miss her so much but I am really struggling with the lack of emotions. I feel almost guilty for not reacting the way I thought I would react.
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Oh I’m so sorry. You’re so early in your grief you’re probably still in a state of shock. Even if her death had been anticipated grief still will take its toll. The tears will come later, I hope you have some family support around you at this terrible time.
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Don’t worry I’m sorry for your loss I too lost my mum end of November and I was numb and sad for sometime then the pain and sadness overtook then numbness again along with a large cloud of sadness . I feel bad for been back at work as it keeps me busy but when I think about my mum i miss her so much the pain is there. I am desperate to feel her with me but I feel empty. So don’t worry the grief does block our emotions but the do crack open and start to come through and believe me you will cry and probably will keep going back to numb . I feel sad and lonely despite having family I just want my mum . Thinking of you …it is hard don’t feel bad . I want to feel pain as I feel closer to mum I am really quite messed up but still numb a lot if the time .
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@HannahP85 Hello HannahP85 iam really glad to have found your post here as I totally identify with what you said.
So sad that your loss it justso very recent.
I lost my mum a few months ago due to a blocked bowel and then other complications develop due to this and the fact that at her age and frailty they couldn’t operate.
I was her main carer and just like you were saying there’s a kind of numbness I sense going on inside me thats holding back a mountain of deep emotional turmoil and brokenness.
I have cried many times..but it feels like there’s a suppressed massive tidal wave to come at some point.Maybe its a subconscious defense mechanism we’re both experiencing that will eventually release much deeper feelings for a prolonged period.
The main thing is not to be feeling guilty or bad that you “should” be feeling this or that.You loved her and your journey of bereavement is unique to you and you alone.There ARE enormous feelings that will come and there are times just like me when you feel nothing inside at times and you think..”why not”.
You will never forget her and things have happened so recently.Also I was initially in a state of shock when mum unexpectedly passed and we also had time to hug her in the hospital bed as she passed away 10 mins before we arrived there having been called at 8am get there ASAP.
My thoughts go out to you at this sad time
Anthony