Lost my mum suddenly

I recently lost my mum in May very suddenly her heart just stopped. I was 7 months pregnant at the time, it was very hard as people kept saying remember to look after your self. ( I did the best I could.)

I feel now having had my daughter, she has kept me busy and in a good routine as my son is back in school, but I am now struggling to accept that she’s gone.

Out of the four of us I was the closest to her, we would go places on the weekend and I could talk to her about anything.

I still go to her house to see my step dad as he has been really good to me but I always come from there and get really upset that night, sometimes I feel like I don’t know how Im suppose to live without her, I miss her so much.


Hello, I am very sorry about your mum but happy that you have a beautiful little girl. It’s still early days on the grief road and your step dad must be grieving and when you are there you will be picking up the distress that he is feeling. Perhaps both of you may benefit from being able to talk to a counsellor, grieving is hard and everyone on this site as been there or are still grieving, it’s the price for loving someone special and your mum sounds very special. Theres many posts from people who have lost their mum and it should help if you can find time to read some because it really helps. Look after yourself and take care. S xxx

Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve joined the community today too, because my mum died very suddenly this week, but I wanted to reply because eleven years ago, i also lost my dad who I was very close to, when I was pregnant with my first baby. He had terminal cancer, so I was prepared, but definitely not ready to let him go. My dad never wanted to talk about death or his cancer so we never had a “goodbye” type of conversation, which made things very hard afterwards, I felt a lot was left unsaid and unresolved. With a sudden death like your mum’s, and now recently mine, that is magnified - it is very hard to get your head round.

So I can only imagine how hard it must be to lose your mum suddenly when you are nearly full term, when you are at the peak of excitement about the baby arriving.

i felt I had to suppress my grief during the pregnancy because I was worried it would harm my baby in some way to feel so stressed and sad. It definitely made it harder to grieve normally. Feeling joy when the baby arrived helped in some ways but looking back, it meant I didn’t deal with my grief well. I felt everyone, and especially my husband, expected me to feel better and move on quickly because now I had a baby to focus on. I think it triggered some undiagnosed PND, and it certainly took a toll on my marriage. I muddled through my grief and it was many years before I was able to talk about my dad without bursting into tears. Eleven years on, I can say that there are times when I still miss my dad very much and tears will come again, but those are moments, not whole days submerged in unbearable grief.

I think a sudden death brings many difficulties. The lack of a proper goodbye, things left unresolved or unsaid that you regret not dealing with when you had time. Knowing that your mum wasnt ready to go, and the feeling that she was cheated out of life, that is really hard to bear.

But the real problem when someone close dies suddenly is the massive gaping whole in your life that is left behind. There is just an empty space. All the things you want to share with your mum, trivial things and happy things and difficult problems. That person you depend on for advice and comfort, just gone. I really don’t have an answer for you as I’m struggling already and it has only been a week since my mum died.

I hope you find some answers on this thread, maybe I’ll learn something too.

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