Lost my mum suddenly

Hi all,

I lost my mum just over 2 weeks ago, the week before she actually passed away she went into cardiac arrest at home and spent a week in a coma. She had COPD, but before it happened, she seemed and looked absolutely fine.

My dad was with her, and despite my dad doing CPR until the paramedics arrived, her brain was too starved of oxygen, as it took 40-50 minutes to get her heart re-started, in the end we was told her brain stem was still working, but the rest of her brain wasn’t. They took her oxygen tube out at 2:10pm and she passed away at 4:25pm on Thursday May 24th.

I’m struggling to get my head around it, while she was in hospital on life support I was absolutely distraught, it was horrible seeing her with all the tubes in her throat, nose, neck and hands, but since she actually passed, I’ve cried but I’ve felt a lot of numbness and disbelief. It’s like my mind can’t accept that I’m not going to see her again. My dad is trying to stay strong for us all but obviously he’s absolutely destroyed as they were married for 42 years.

These past 3 weeks have been the worst of my life, and I don’t know how I’m gonna go on as my mum was my rock, I just miss her so much :frowning:

Hi KNW93,

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your mum just over two weeks ago. It sounds like the last few weeks have been really difficult and distressing for you and for your dad.

It’s quite common to feel numb and disbelieving after losing someone so close - it can take some time to come to terms with what has happened and feeling numb is an unconscious way of trying to cope with intense emotions. You’re not alone in what your experiencing and it’s something that other members of this community have talked about. We have some information about what is commonly experience after losing a loved one - there might be something in this article that helps.

Keep talking to us here. This is a very supportive community and there are many people here who are going through something similar.

Take care and let me know if there’s anything I can do to support you,

Hi Eleanor,

Thank you for the reply. I seem to be functioning day to day, it does hit me in waves at random times, but on the most part I seem to be doing ok, which makes me nervous as I don’t know if the worst is yet to come.

The funeral is next Wednesday which I’m absolutely dreading, I’ll keep you updated.

Thank you.


Dear Kim,

I am so sorry to hear about your beloved Mum. My heart goes out to you. As said above, the numbness and disbelief is quite natural, a “survival” instinct, which is a blessing really as the emotion would be too much to take. I was extremely numb for the first few months. I didn’t even cry at my Dad’s funeral. To be honest I still feel in disbelief eight months later.

I hope you will find some solace in the funeral service. We had a beautiful ceremony for my Dad, odd to say, but it was a perfect service for a perfect man. There was even laughter in the church at one point. As he was interred the sun suddenly came out from behind the clouds.

Please take care of yourself. Sending lots of love xxxx

Hi Daffodil,

Aww I’m sorry to hear about your dad, it’s one of life’s cruel tricks losing a loved one isn’t it.

A part of me tries to be logical about it, that it’s the natural order of things to lose your parents, but I’m 24 and my mum was 63 and it feels far too soon, I feel robbed of precious years. My heart is breaking for my dad, he’s putting on a brave face but I can see behind it he’s broken, I can’t help but fuss around him making sure he’s eating and everything is ok and easy for him, I’m sure he’s getting sick of me haha but my dad is amazing and hasn’t always been dealt the best cards in life so all my energy is going into making sure he knows he’s not alone, I suppose I haven’t really had time to start grieving myself.

I’m hoping it will get easier after the funeral, getting back into a bit of a normal routine, I’m just dreading her birthday, Christmas, mothers days etc.

I hope you’re bearing up after your dad’s passing, sending you my thoughts and love xx

Hi, I’m sorry to hear about your mum.
It will be a month tomorrow since my dad died. He was and is my whole world. Everything you said is how I feel too.
I’m numb. My brain just won’t compute what has happened. Like you it comes in waves. I’ll feel terrible once in a while but mostly I’m just a robot. I’m a robot at work and last week at the funeral I was on auto pilot. I don’t know if it will sink in gradually or whether it’s going to hit me all of a sudden while I’m standing in line at the shop or when I’m brushing my teeth. I’m frightened. Confused. Nervous.

You’re not alone.

Hi Kate

I’m really sorry about your dad, losing a parent is probably the worst pain in life to endure.

I’m the same, on auto pilot just about functioning, earlier I was cooking tea and in the middle of me taking food out the oven and dishing it out I get a ‘my mum’s dead’ in my head and i was like a car that stalls, I completely stopped and zoned out for a minute, it feels like something that happens to other people, not you.

Ultimately, our parents need us to carry on, but it’s early days for the both of us so we need to allow ourselves to feel what our feelings demand of us, our lives have changed forever, eventually in time we will heal, there will always be a scar but we’ll see that as a reminder of the love we had in our lives, our parents were very much loved in return and we are their legacy.

I hope you’re looking after yourself, keep me updated, much love to you during this sad time xx


I am sorry to hear about your Mum. Having that week of her being in intensive care must have been very stressful prior to her passing. I think it is understandable to be numb.
Mine passed away at the end of January. Since then I feel it has been a few steps forward and few steps back. At first I could not bear to even look at photos of her as my heart broke. Then I went through a phase of feeling not so bad, just full of love for her and how wonderful a Mum she was. However in the last week I have taken a step back, I am very tearful. My Dad was also left behind after 57 years of marriage. It is really not easy trying to support others as well as deal with your own grief.

I don’t think things will ever be the same again but I hope we can find a way to exist without the pain.

Take care

That’s true. I’m feeling the same when it comes to everyone else’s grief in the family. I keep having selfish moments. I think ‘why are they not consoling me and comforting me more like they normally do when I’m upset about something?’ And I have to remind myself that this is something the whole family is going through and they are struggling with their own grief. It’s lonely.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I feel exactly the same. I lost my dear Dad nearly 3 weeks ago. He had been suffering from arthritis for a long time but he suddenly developed difficulties breathing. He went to the his GP and was diagnosed with a chest infection. He was given antibiotics. He seemed to be getting better but he suddenly collapsed and was taken to hospital. He died 2 hours later having had a burst aortic aneurysm. We had no idea he was so ill. My mum is distraught and all my focus is supporting her. I just can’t believe it’s happened. I just want to lock myself away and scream but I have to carry on. I just can’t get my head around it. It just seems so unfair x