My mum was doing well with her cancer treatment, then we found out it had spread to her brain, immunotherapy was then stopped. Delays in radiotherapy meant her small cell lung cancer run havoc. There was a plan in place, radio therapy and then restart chemo… problem being everything came too late 
mum deteriorated very quick, we got her home where she wanted to be but by time we got her there things had progressed too far, there was no real conversation as she was unable to communicate ( we hoped there would at least be a few days of her bossing us around to do her garden and get things sorted) but that didn’t happen. It was devastating to watch her deteriorate so fast in front of us and the added terminal agitation was quite distressing.
I returned to work last week, I work as a nurse, it wasn’t awful returning but I don’t want to be there in all honesty, questioning if I even want to be a nurse anymore, is it normal to question your abilities to carry on in a certain career?. I’m very up and down in my emotions, I know it’s still very early days and grief never truly leaves us, but My mum was my world, my best friend my go to for everything, if the world was falling apart she would know what to say and do to make me feel better. I have a loving family around me who have been very supportive and good of friends around me but I feel so alone in my pain :(. My world and life as I once knew it has been broken and the world around me continues on. Having a bad day today and feel a burden putting my sorrow on to others around me
Hi my lovely so sorry for your loss, you are so brave reaching out we are all here for similar reasons losing someone close, i lost my mum back in October 23, she was everything to me and my 2 girls, my life will never be the same, I’ve had to learn to build my life around our loss, I have good and bad days, but nearly 2 years on the good are better and I have my counselling to thank for that she helped me unravel all my emotions in my head. My mum had been living with bladder cancer for 25 years she got the all clear then one day she developed a cough she had her scan etc they discovered a small shadow at the bottom of her lung so operated to remove it gave her the all clear at her next scan, then 12 months later had a problem with her leg, back and forth doctors and hospital they said it was arthritis they sent her for a bone scan we got the results 31 July 23 it was in her hip/pelvic bone it was terminal her consultant gave her 6 months she lasted 12 weeks she was admitted 5 weeks before she died she had a fall and broke the hip bone through the cancer sight she just went down hill from there, how I look at it is she is no longer in pain, we no longer haver to see her suffering she was 86 in the sept and went into hospital the day after, so thats part of my story. It’s only early on for you, have you thought about seeing a counsellor I found one to one better for me but each person grieves differently but I hope being on here brings some comfort like it did for me, knowing we alI have similar story’s I found it easier to talk about my grief outside of my family because my family were grieving also and I was angry, now I’m looking after my dad who’s 93 we talk about my mum from time to time, I take him the cemetery to take flowers.every couple months that part is painful for me I can’t cry In front of him still as don’t want him upset, I hope you stay on here and just keep talking xx
Hello,
Let me start by saying I’m so sorry for your loss. Your story really resonates with me. My mum was in a similar position and we lost her in January. Her cancer spread after treatment stopped working and we lost her so quickly. The end stages are tough and incredibly traumatising. It’s something I’m still working through 4+ months later.
I think it’s perfectly normal and understandable to question everything after the trauma of what you went through and the loss.
I’m really glad to hear that you have good support around you, don’t be afraid to lean on that. They’ll all want to be there for you in whatever way they can.
You are never a burden for sharing your pain, grief or your story. In fact, after reading your story today, I felt less alone so thank you for sharing.
All the best x