Lost my Mum to Cancer need help dealing with grief

Hi , I lost my mum to pancreatic cancer a few months ago we were very close and now i just feel lost with out her . It happened very suddenly and while i am glad that i was with her when she died i am haunted by the memory .

I feel lonely and angry i worry did i care for her as best i could should i have done more ? my brother seems to have already moved on but he has a partner and kids i don’t i have to look after my dad but there is no one to support me .

So i am trying this forum as i would like to chat make some friends and support other people with their loss , Thank you



I am sorry to hear you have lost your mum and even if you know they are ill it’s still a shock and you are no more prepared for them leaving you.
I too was with my mum when she finally left me and I’ve replayed that moment when she took her final breath every day since 8th December. On the other hand when replaying it I know in my heart that she knew I was there and had my blessing to cross over as I truly believe she was keeping on going for me.

I do believe though that you couldn’t have done any more for her and you should be treating yourself with the same kindness that would show a friend in your position.
Your brother will maybe just be putting on a brave face for his family as may think he will appear weak if he openly grieves.

You may often feel very alone but there is always someone here to talk to be it about your mum or just what you had for lunch.

Be kind to yourself,

Suzanne x

Hi Suzanne , Thank you your message means a lot xx

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Hi I lost my mum in December to bowel cancer. She was in hospital but not for one second did I think she wasn’t coming home. Like you I was with my mum when she passed away and even though I was glad I was with her it wasn’t a pleasant experience. I think I try too block it out. I feel lost without my mum as it was just the two of us at home.


Hi Lou5 , Thanks for the reply i’m really sorry for your loss the memory of my mum passing scares me even being in the hospital room with her it didn’t feel real . I still sometimes think she will walk in the room any minute and i want to talk to her it’s an awful experience .

But i think it helps to talk to someone who understands and let yourself feel all the emotions i cry all the time then feel angry can’t sleep much either . So i listen to music or play video games it might help to have a hobby do whatever makes you feel a bit better .

Be kind to yourself and remember your mum loved you i hope this helps a bit .

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Hi Caroline

I understand what you said about being in the hospital room. I was the same I thought I was in some bad dream and I wake up in a minute. Probably why I block it out. I still believe it hasn’t hit me properly yet.

Thank you for your kind words. Hope your managing the best you can xx

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Hi Caroline,

I lost my mum to pancreatic cancer in January. It is such a cliche but she was my best friend and I feel completely lost.
I wouldn’t normally post on anything like this but I feel like no one understands what you are really going through.

Ashleigh x


I am sooo sorry for what u r going through but i am a replica of you … just a carbon copy i lost my mother to liver can er and all happened terminal and advanced.

Yes the same here. Just the 2 of us at home. I am unable to cope with her loss. Although she was 85 however her mind was sooo active you feel her presence. She was trested harshly by many during her final days … including the drs. Cant explain now further because if i need to explain i need over 100 pages to write. :cry::cry::cry::cry:

Hi Rana13
I’m so sorry to hear about your mum, I too lost my mum last July she too was 85 and was always mentally active and apart from the usual aches and pains and slight arthritis she was doing ok, had to go into hospital for tests and antibiotics due to high levels in her blood test, was diagnosed with secondary liver cancer, wasn’t given a definite of how long she had but I gave my job up to care for her at home so she could be with dad and her family, she lasted 6 weeks and it’s been the worst experience of my life, even though I’m 59 I felt like that little girl again that just needed her mum, I miss her so much and will never be the same person as my life will never be the same, guilt stops me moving forward, I’ve been told it can take a while to get over such a loss but I’ve seemed to accept I’ll never get over losing mum and will just learn to live with the sadness and loss, it’s a hard journey for all of us, one that none of us want to be on, all we can do is help each other along the best way we can, it’s been helpful to be on this site to know your not alone, take care
Lynn x