My name is lizzie, I’m really struggling to cope after the loss of my mum a few days ago, I am 27 but as the oldest I am the shoulder to cry on for everyone else but I don’t know how to help myself, I can’t sleep (for seeing my mum in the hospice bed) I’m not hungry and can’t stop myself from crying all the time, family ask how I’m doing and it just makes me feel worse.
I hope someone can give me some advice, thank you
HI Lizzie, I understand getting irritated and feeling worse when people keep asking how your doing, you want to shout at them ‘Do I look all right, as though I am coping, why cant you see it’. I have been there, in fact I am still there, just take a deep breathe and maybe tell them you are struggling, it is very early days for you yet, and unfortunately you have a long road to go down, but you are not alone, we will be here to support, listen to any rants and help where we can.
Hi Lizzie
Sorry to read about your Mum, it is very hard. I watched my Mum fade away last summer and pass away in front of me. She was lucky in that she had her wish of being at home at the end but the images of last year still haunt me.
You don’t need to be brave, if people ask how you are doing tell them straight out how you feel. I honestly think people do not know how to deal with this sort of thing so say silly things which just feel crass to us. If you want help, ask for it, even the offer of a cup of tea with a neighbour can make a difference. Someone different to talk to even if they don’t what to say and just let you cry, rant or just sit with you.
Try and eat something if you can however small. I was good at first though seem to have slipped recently. Bit of fruit, soup, anything easy to eat worked for me plus the occasional treat such as some chocolate. Also going for walks, I am lucky because I have a park and river nearby. Fresh air is good, this cold weather as well will exhaust you so much you sleep in the end.
Everyone is different so what worked for me might not for you. I am thinking of you though and know others will answer you as well.
Warm wishes and a hug if i may be so bold
Mel
Hi Lizzie, my name is Sam and I lost my mom on the 7th January it was a shock for the family I am the youngest daughter and I had to sort out the funeral which was Monday 23rd January so I came on this site and the support has been fantastic. I feel so broken-hearted as my mom was my world. I have 3 children and my little boy who’s 2 keeps asking where his Nanny has gone so I keep telling him she’s gone on holiday with my papa! I have lost both my parents I lost my papa 6 years this year he had a massive heart attack. Which was a big shock. Someone told me to take an hour at a time. So that’s what I am doing. Sam xx
Thank you pandy, I know I still have a long way to go, even though I have known this day was coming since she was put on end of life care it still didn’t prepare me, it has really given me a shock
Thank you Mel for your reply, I will try the things you suggest (if I manage to get the enthusiasm)
Thank you Sammy1973 for your reply, unfortunately I know the hardship with children having 3 myself and a 5 yr old sister who’s birthday was the day after my mum had passed, it’s just a shame, my mum was a brilliant woman: medals for marathons she had run, wrote and published books but most of all a loving mum and nan, and she was only 46, I think that’s what gets to me the most she should have had loads more years to spend with us
Hi Lizzie So, so sorry about your mum. It sounds like she was a loved and loving lady who made good use of her time on earth. I lost my mum to vascular dementia in July and although I’d told myself I was prepared, it truly shattered me. Something I’ve learned is that the grief comes in huge waves. I felt I was ‘getting better’ until my mums birthday on the 20th January and now I feel in a million pieces again . Be gentle with yourself . I’m sending a tight hug and a big basket of understanding.
Hi Lizzie, I’m in a similar position as I lost my Mum 13 years ago & recently my lovely Dad this Christmas. I’m the youngest too & everyone leans on me.
I cry too & have had sleep problems. My GP has been v supportive. I totally emphasise how difficult the first weeks are as I think the shock of what’s happened hits you (my mind was on constant replay. )I keep saying to myself being upright and clean is enough! I actually told those how I really felt by txt to those closest friends ( few) And they have just drank tea with me & let me talk & cry.I can only send you a virtual hug & hope you find comfort too. Biggest hug.
Hi Lizzie,
So sorry to read this, I lost my Mum to cancer too, I was 21 (22 now) and the eldest. Please remember that it’s perfectly okay to look after you and put yourself first. Maybe consider a GP appointment… mine has helped a lot with the ‘struggling to sleep after seeing an ill Mum’ thing.
Xxx
Hi Lizzie,
So sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my dad 5 weeks ago and until he was diagnosed I never knew anything of what a hospice was or did. I found it so difficult watching the man I have loved for 30 years turn into a man I didn’t recognise. They never truly leave us. I bet you’re like your mum even if you don’t see it.
I find it easier to talk and write down how you feel. Always here if you want to chat, sometimes you find such solace in a stranger.
A x