I lost my mum oin December 14th last year. 9 weeks ago yesterday. She passed away with all her family around her including my darling dad who is 86. My mum was 82 and had cancer. I didn’t realise what grief was before this. I know people who have lost loved ones and of course, I was always sorry but I feel dreadful, as now I know what they were going through. I can’t stop crying and I worry constantly about my dad. We are staying with him at present as he was with my mum for 67 years including courting and marriage. Sometimes my crying is so intense that I howl it is is exhausting. How long will these intense feelings last? If I am out and haven’t cried for a while I can’t wait to get home to cry. I know I need help. Please somebody give me some reassuring words.
I’m so sorry to hear this and sorry to hear of your lovely Mum’s passing. I wish I could give you some good advice but my Mam died just 2 weeks ago and I don’t think I’ve even scratched the surface of my grief.
What I have learnt is to take any offer of comfort or support that you can. Share loving memories of your Mum with others who knew her and remember all the times you spent together. I find it helpful to look back on our funny text exchanges where I would send her random stuff.
If you haven’t, see your GP to see what package of support they can offer, whether it’s a temporary course of meds, a local grief support group or some one to one counselling. They say tears are a way to shed toxic substances so don’t be afraid of crying, it’s much worse to hold it in. Losses can be so complicated as they often remind us of other losses that perhaps we didn’t fully grieve at the time.
Hold on to the love you had for your Mum, no one can take away your wonderful memories of her. Here if you would like a chat.
Please take great care of yourself
Julie xx
Thank you, Julie. You sound so together and wise. I have spoken to my doctor and have started counselling. Tomorrow I am going to a bereavement support group. I have just got back from taking my dear old Dad out for a few hours as he is lost. I am sitting her typing to you sobbing my heart out.
Oh Jalou my heart breaks for you, I’m so sorry for your pain and loss. Thank you for your kind words, I feel very far from together but I find it helps me if I can try to comfort others .
That’s so good of you taking your Dad out I bet he really valued that. Sometimes just being there is all someone needs.
I find that as well as grieving my Mam I’m also grieving my whole family as my brother doesn’t speak to me as he says I never did anything to help Mam so I do feel sorted of alone in the world.
I’m glad you’re getting some counselling and I hope the support group helps. Whatever gets you through. Remember you deserve love and kindness at this awful time so don’t be afraid to put your needs first.
Take good care of yourself and I’m here if you would like to chat again xx
Thank you.
I do hope you can sort things with your brother. Family members can sometimes say such hurtful things.
Try and remember all the good times you all shared. Sending a big hug and thank you again.