Lost my mum

[Shayzee]

Hi, new here
I lost my mum 4/12/22 due to lung and breast cancer and as she was in rented accomodations we had to clear it her things before end of December, we are currently living in a caravan at campsite near her old home as we are between homes (ours sold but we didn’t find anything) and we decided to stay here as she was given teminal diagnosis so stayed to assist her. No end of care was put in place as she refused to accept other help so on her last day she was rushed to hospital via ambulance and she couldn’t get her breath, she was put in cubicle on oxygen in a&e all day then as she woraened they moved her to resus which panicked her and she begged to go home to die, they then gave her heavy sedation meds which I think helped her pass gently. But now I feel guilty she suffered and was scared, that I should have fought more for end of life help, and feel dreadful getting rid of all her beloved belongings as we have no where to keep things… I haven’t been able to cry. She had a pure cremation and ashes take up to 21 days to come back so can’t even bury them where she wanted it. So no closure.

Sorry for long rant but have held all this in so as not to upset my girls.

[Suzanne30]

So sorry to hear of your loss and the situation surrounding it all x
Feeling guilty about situations that you had no control over or technically no say in is absolutely natural but you knew your mum better than anyone so perhaps ask yourself a couple of questions and answer them as you truly knew your mum would do….would your mum have wanted any extra measures put in place to lengthen her life if it meant being in hospital longer? She sounded like she was a very independent lady x
Would she have understood having to get rid of her belongings to move house as nowhere to keep them? If your mum had organised as pure cremation it sounds like she was quite a practical lady x. I do hope you managed to retain some of her belongings that were sentimental to you and your family x

You were saying about the ashes…did she or you/your family follow any specific faith/belief set? cause perhaps you could all organise a celebration of her life at a place she loved and that way it could be a place you could revisit when you felt you needed to and you could play a couple of her favourite songs.
I feel closest to my mum in places we loved to visit together and I know she is with me.

None of this may be of any help but there are a lot of lovely people on here who have been my life savers over the last year x
Just don’t blame yourself and be kind to yourself x