Newbie here lost my beloved mum 3rd October this year very unexpectedly she had previous heart attacks and got over them 2nd October she had another one a massive one right in front of my 7 year old son as she and dad where babysitting my son saw everything her being taken into hospital etc all with dad panicking I got to hospital along with my husband who took our son away from there whilst I went into hospital many many tests later was told nothing much could be done for her and she should sign a dnr she wouldn’t my dad brother and I stayed as long as we could that eve got back the next day early many family and friends came into see her I stepped out for a few mins to make a call with my husband to my dad calling me telling me to get back now I’ve never ran so fast with husband we got back to my dad standing looking lost my mum having another massive heart attack doctor and nurse was there didn’t do anything just strode there whilst my mum passed in my arms with her favourite song playing she passed her mouth open and eyes I managed to close her eyes but couldn’t her mouth this haunted me as I saw the look of fear in her eyes she must have been in so much pain it’s been hell on earth mum and dad where a week away from their 50th wedding anniversary the day after she had her funeral I’m not coping sleeping eating more than I should my body hurts so bad I feel for my dad he’s hurting so bad he looks lost my son isn’t dealing with this lashing out and I’m sure it’s grief I feel as I’m holding the family together as dad has never been on his own mum did everything I don’t know what to do absolutely dreading Christmas as she loved it
Sobbing my eyes out writing this post as I’ve not seen it written down as it’s all in my head spinning bad dream I feel I’m in