Lost my mum

My mum passed away in June this year at the age of 53 after suffering 5 hard years battling terminal cancer… she was so poorly towards the end and was very much house bound but was up and about in the house and I spoke to her at least twice a day and spent time with her at least 4 days a week… now she has gone I can’t seem to accept it and just don’t know how to live without her… I find myself trying to not think about her at all because when I do all I do is cry and I need to be there for my dad and sisters and brothers… will I ever get through this… x

Hi Clyon20

I am sorry to read about the loss of your Mum which must feel very hard after 5 years of being so ill. I see also that she was only 53 years old. The loss of one’s Mum feels particularly bad I think especially when they were still young and you sound as if you were so close to her too.

My Mum passed away just over two years ago and for months I found it completely unbelievable she was no longer with me. I believe I suffered from extended shock so this is a possibility for you too.

You say about being there for your Dad and siblings and staying brave and strong for them. That is good but you need to almost be selfish and think of yourself sometimes. There is nothing wrong with a good cry as it does help to relieve the tension a bit. It is also good to think about your Mum and remember her. The five years she was ill must have been very painful for you but even then I bet there are precious times just the two of you shared. Also when your Mum was healthy and times you spent as a family.

It has taken me a long time to accept the loss of my Mum and acceptance doesn’t mean I am happy with it. I think about her every day and things I want to tell her. The memories of seeing my Mum so ill have faded somewhat so I can remember her when she was fun and full of laughter. I still have days when I don’t want to get out of bed but somehow get through those.

What I am trying to say but rather badly is that this won’t be quick but the sadness does ease. If it all feels completely insurmountable don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your GP or the online bereavement service on this site are well worth contacting.

Take care of yourself and keep coming back here. I found this site the best when I was in the depths of despair. Lots of kind people who understand because they have lost someone they love too. The silly things I worried about and asked about on here always got a good and helpful response.