Lost my mum

Hi, I’m new here. Hope you all healing as well as you can.
I lost my mum 3 weeks ago after a v fast diagnosis. I’m absolutely crushed she is gone, although she transitioned very gently… the actually being with her when she passed felt just so ginormous. She was my absolute universe.
I’m the youngest and my siblings cleared her home out, moved all mums stuff, boxed all the little side bits away. They didn’t ask me over to help they just chat to each other, even though all of us should play a part. So now not only am I grieving my lovely mum I’m grieving the fact their way of dealing with it was to box her away. It was mine & mums home up until 2 years ago so everything in that house is very special to me. They have never had a relationship like me & mum nor have they ever lived in that house. Mums funeral is not until next week so I feel its all too soon, I understand that’s how they dealing with it but they didn’t even give me the opportunity to say no to helping. They comfort each other yet the age difference make me feel very isolated right now. Has anyone else navigated anything like this? I cant rise to it as its giving them what they want and my mum taught me kindness and compassion so I have to bite my tongue. What was hurting already, is now hurting so much more by their actions


Hello @Little_My,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Hi Little_my
Your post is true heartbreaking . Of course they should have involved you. You don’t get a second chance to do something like that. In the midst of your grief you have to somehow find things to treasure of your mum’s. First of all I would find any photo you have of her and maybe make a display area somewhere in your home to have something to go to each day. Have you got anything of hers you could put on the table If not put some flowers or a plant a candle or something she gave you to make it personal. Yes bite your tongue bec falling out now isn’t worth it. Find out from them if your mum made a will. Find out where they took your mum’s things If it’s a charity shop go there and buy some things back if you can.
You have your memories and those are the priceless things that are worth their weight on hold.
This site is wonderful and I can’t recommend it enough It’s a lifesaver do please keep posting as others will reply and help you
Love Deborah x

1 Like

Hi @Little_My
I’m so sorry for your loss and the added upset with the way things are being dealt with by your family, very hard to understand and accept at such an emotive time.
Is there any way you can locate and access your mums things and take what you want? Im Hoping and praying that this can be done :pray:t2:
Unfortunately we are all part of this wonderful group, having lost our mums, our absolute worlds
A site that I have personally found of huge benefit, from complete strangers but wonderful people.
I have lost my mum 22 weeks ago and the grief and loss and hurt and pain is a rollercoaster that I would love to get on.
There are days that get better than others and we’re all here for you to support and help in anyway we can.
Sending love and hear if you need a chat :kissing_heart::kissing_heart: