I lost my mum and best friend, the other half of me on Saturday. My whole world fell apart my heart splintered and shattered. I do not know how anyone deals with this pain. I do not want to wake up each day. I have to exist for my dad and cats. My mum has been my life everything i did was for her to make her life better after all she did for me. I want to go with her. I know in time if gets better but right now… the pain…
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Bless you,
I really do feel your pain, my mam passed on 14th August, she never went anywhere without me & I seen her every day, she has left the biggest hole in my heart, I honestly don’t think I will ever recover 
Big hugs
Jean x
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Hi I also feel you’re pain I lived with my mum she coparented my 6 year old and lived with her for over 40 years she died on the 8th August iv lost most of my family over the years but nothing compares to losing my dear mum I’m totally lost without her I too at times don’t want to be here and have said to myself and to my mum if it wasn’t for my son I’d have gone with her it’s the worst feeling in the world losing your mum the only person in the world that loves you more than anything I too don’t think I’ll ever get over it and feel like a lot of me died the day she did I am currently on a wait list for counselling hoping it helps cus I’m struggling to even smile at my son and feel guilty on him and he’s blaming himself now for not being able to save his nan or dad as he called her so not only am I struggling I’m trying to help him aswell. I really hope you, we start to heal over time.
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13 months in and I still think about mum and what we did together and the tears still come. I don’t think I got the guts to attempt suicide. But I’m empty and I’m not happy and the one person that could help me, isn’t here no more. It’s a uphill battle most days, because you are dealing with so many things. Loss, depression, isolation, loneliness. The world goes on but you just get up and start the day again.
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I hear you and feel you’re pain iv said without my boy I wouldn’t be here now I’d have gone when my mum went. It’s so hard isn’t it no one will ever love us like they did and ima struggling to deal with that. The loneliness is unreal even with people around you you don’t want them you just want your mum. I go in her room every morning and every night n lie on her bed and cry cuddle her pyjamas that still smell of her anything to be near to her but knowing she’s never coming home breaks me in 2 a hole that will never be filled ever is hard to bear
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I got brushes with my mum’s hair in and I feel the tears come whenever I read these post. It’s 13 months in for me now, but it does feel like a part of you has died with them. I know that feeling regards other people too. I not heard from someone now for two weeks, I can only live my life, no one else’s.
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The pain starts as your eyes open and you realise it really is true. I was sitting on my bed scrolling through my phone and i could swear i heard her call my name. Obviously my brain hearing someone outside randomly talking but i just… it felt for a brief moment… if only i knew for sure i would see her again i could maybe deal a bit more but i dont have that belief. Life would be easier if i did. Trying to be strong for my dad and cats but also know all i have coming is more grief as i lose each one and become truely alone.
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That’s the problem, people say you not alone, they just a phone call away. But that can cause problems in itself. As you got to live your life, not theirs. Sometimes it’s better to be left to your devices. Maybe we all going crazy ? I spoke to a fly, obviously the flu didn’t talk to me, but it did seem to follow me around the flat a lot.
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Yeah soon as I wake for a split second I’m happy n everything’s ok then bang it hits me and I just can’t stop crying everything I see and do reminds me of mum and although I want to smile with the memories I cry instead cus I miss her so much so I spend all my days crying then I feel guilty on my child he’s only 6 and he’s picking up on me being so upset all the time he even said he hated himself the other day cus he couldn’t save his nan my heart is literally breaking and it physically hurts.
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It’s going to take time, I think a lot about memories growing up, childhood and more recent memories. I even get emotional replying on here. It never stops, I get a break when I go to hospital. I think we all trapped in our own grief state world’s. Here is a distraction for me and to talk to other people like myself. I do feel there is a connection on here and we do understand each other, so that helps a little.
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It has to be hard with kids but at least you have each other. Focus some time just for him and time just for you. He is feeling the love for you in your pain as you are for that loss too. Keith i hear what you say its only 5th day for me losing her and i have very brief moments to try to deal with something before collapsing in tears again. Part of me wants to dive back to work but i cannot focus long at all. I will start watching a fav series and after a while it seems to irritate me. Try to play games but i cannot focus enough. So how does one distract themself for a bit of relief.
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It would be good if government helped more. I mean you lose a most integral piece of your life and supposed to know how to deal. It is so hard to contemplate death in advance. There should be a grief counsellor who visits and can go through all the steps to be taken assisting the worst time of your life. Also option fof those left without support to live in communities with others dealing with the same things.
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I think the general view is now just get on with it. Very uncaring society is these days. You would expect your gp would help, they would of in the past. But they just give you a piece of paper now with a phone number on and send you on your way.
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Yea i called my gp and they told me there was no one to talk to and had to either call 111 or fill out a form. I waz crying! No compassion.
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They were useless to me, I had problems with my back, loss of mum and growths on face. I got the growths removed, mum = a piece of paper with Cruise number on. The back pain Cocodamol + physio appointments = useless. The back pain turned out to be Myeloma Cancer which I’m being treated for. You could die and your GP wouldn’t be any wiser to it. That’s how far health as deteriated with the GP.
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So sorry to hear that Keith on top of everything you have more and more to deal with. Doctors and hospitals have gotten way too bad.
That’s awful Keith my mum went in November 2022 saying she couldn’t swallow right and it was hurting her to eat go sent her away saying you haven’t lost any weight so it’s fine she went back in may the following year cus it was worse saw a clinician this time not a go they sent her for an endoscopy and they revealed she had cancer of the oesophagus which had spread to her liver if they’d have referred her when she first went she may still be here my dad died from the same cancer In 2010, 14 years ago and my mums brother died same cancer in 2019 my sister has had breast cancer my brother has had cancer and my grandad also died from cancer and my mums other brother has cancer currently so they’re only now referring me for genetic testing which terrifies me but it’s only cus iv pushed for it that they’ve finally woken up took me several years to persuade them im so angry with them over mum as she may still be here. I have no faith in the nhs anymore they blame it on covid yet it’s been bad for years before that.
Myself and my son are currently on a wait list for counselling with Douglas macmillan I wouldn’t bother asking my gp as you say they’ll just give me a phone number and send us on our way
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I want to get more information on everything when I am more stable about my mum. She almost died in hos in jan diagnosed blood clots in lungs and fluid with scarring in lungs spine crumbling with arthritis gave so much pain. After release her breathing got bad again thry did test and right side of heart not working properly so referring to pulmonary supposedly urgently. They came back saying as this other doctor still checking lungs they would not ptoceed. Urgent referral to cjeck on her heart letter in Jun. Appt not till 30 Sep with numerous calls and concerns. I want copies of it all. It all slowed down with mounting calls etc about her i feel they could have given her more time.
I had a battle to get into hospital in the first place. 1St time in A and E they sent me home! I had to get stood down at work, go to a walk in who took things serious and wanted me to go to A and E, saw same doctor. But stood my ground, NHS is missing loads and not really looking after people. Probably comes down to money, everything else does. We just price tags now.
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