Lost my Mum

I lost my Mum on Monday to a collection of illnesses. She has been very ill for 18 months. Diagnosed with rectal cancer then lung cancer. Then July this year she had sepsis and kindey failure. She had then been in and out of hospital for the past few months. Turned out she had pneumonia too. This time last week she went downhill and by the Saturday she could hardly communicate.

I feel completely numb but have hardly cried. My dad is obviously very upset and is crying a lot but I just can’t seem to. I feel awful about how I feel but I don’t know what to do.

I ve lost my mum. And almost 2 years on, its still hard. But, u do learn to live with it, even if ur like me…i dont go to mums grave very much and still go through the routine i did when she was here. I just like shes still here. Some people say im not dealing with it, but i am…in my own way. Everyone grieves differently, so dont be so hard on urself.

Hi Kate

I was very saddened to read your message about your poor Mum and how ill she was for 18 months before you lost her. What a terrible time for her and for you. Parents are very special to us and it is very hard to see the roles reversed and us having to take care of them and reassure them. Hard also because your Dad is also suffering so much now.

The numbness is part of the shock of your loss I think and so may continue for some time. Don’t worry about not crying, some people don’t or only a little bit. The big thing is to take care of yourself and do whatever you feel you want and need to get through this period of time. Supporting your Dad is a part of that and when things are not so raw sharing memories of happier times may well be comforting for both of you. Be a little selfish though and have time just for you each day, even a few minutes doing something just for you and forgetting the rest of the world is good. I kept the local coffee shops in business when I lost my Mum as found a nice coffee was the treat I often needed.

I am three years on from losing my Mum and cried myself stupid at times when it happened. My sister didn’t but we have both come through what was a terrible time for us both. I suppose we all have different paths to recovery from loss and it is whatever works best for the individual.

You take care of yourself and when you feel able, enjoy memories of your Mum how she would want to be remembered. Healthy and happy.