Lost my nan to cancer 3rd August 2016

I recently lost my nan to cancer and am finding it so hard to cope. I have never witnessed someone dying before and although I found it traumatic I tried to stay strong for my nan and spent a couple of nights and a few days with her in the hospice the week she was there.

It was all very sudden although we knew it was terminal and that she could have no more treatment. When nan found this out I don’t think she fully took it on board so when telling family she never really said they had told her she did not have long. I hate the thought that she was scared and cried to my mum once in hospital.

For the first 2 days after she died I could not even bring myself to get dressed, I just pottered around the house with my 2 children of 2 and 4 feeling useless and a bad mother as I don’t feel I am emotionally there for them.

I miss my nan so much but take some comfort in knowing she is no longer in pain. When my nan first arrived on the Wednesday she was dosed up on strong pain relief (pain on a scale of 1-10 was 10 :-(. I visited on the Friday and she tried talking to me, I was the only one she communicated with while she was there and she even put her hand out when I cried as I wanted to hold her hand, but she was in so much pain. At one point (it was the most conscious I saw her the whole time) she looked over to the window turning her head and was just staring out the window. I truly believe she had seen one of her dead relatives and they were coming to take her to heaven. I read that it can happen and I was told by a few nurses that it is apparently common.

Has anyone else had this experience?

Hi Leah,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It’s understandable that you are finding it hard to cope after such a traumatic experience, and I know that we can all relate to feeling like we need to stay strong in such times. It’s important though that we do take the time to look after ourselves and get the support we deserve. And hold on to those things that give us comfort, like you say.

Take care,

Kate

It does get better with time. 48 days have passed since I lost my dad - my best friend. In the early days I felt as though I was in some horrible horror film. The funeral was possibly the worst day of my life. Once it was over I started to feel a bit calmer. My dad has visited me twice since he passed, once with a message for my mum. This has made me believe there is an afterlife and he’s somewhere looking down on us. I know it’s an old cliche but time is a great healer and every day you will feel a bit better. I never left the house for two weeks after dad died then I forced myself to go out. Take care and try to eat, grieving is hard xxx

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