Hi, im new here.
I lost the mother of my son a month ago, due to complications that led to pneumonia.
She was only 39. She lost custody of her two children in 2020, she has a 17 year old son from a previous relationship. Both boys were 5 (our son) and 14 (her other son) when social services removed them from her home and placed them with their dads, due to neglect and drinking/drugs. In 2022 we moved up to Scotland to be near family because she was not concordant with contact with our son. We spent 10 months there but moved back because i wanted my son to atleast be in the proximity of his mum so that he couldnt say he never knew her due to distance. In September of last year me and my sons mother rekindled our relationship and tried hard to make it work, we were a family and she spent every day of her last 6 months living with us. She didnt want to go back to her home because it held negative memories for her. She couldnt stop the drinking, and neither could i stop her drinking. He mother died a month before she died from COPD, she lost her brother in 2005 from an overdose, lost her child at 4 months from cot death in 2010, her boyfriend from an overdose in 2020 (shortly before both boys were removed) and her best friend last year from an overdose.
However, though she was drinking more heavily than usual after her mum died and was still smoking weed, and has done since she was 13, we were functioning. I was doing the school runs and sheād sometimes make dinner.
I loved her, still love her, will always love her, she gave me our son.
About a month before my partner passed she tested positive for Covid and was anaemic. Anyway, in march this year, we all got a really bad chest infection, im talking really nasty. Our son got better but i was still very unwell and so was his mum. I took her to A&E on the Saturday, she was seen by the triage nurse and told to wait, the wait was 4 hours in a crowded room, same hospital her mum had just died in. She did not want to wait and discharged herself. This is after refusing an ambulance from 111 because she said she didnt want the paramedics smelling weed. I remember saying āit doesnt matterā but she refused the ambulance, so we drove to a&e.
She was really unwell, and her skin was cold but this was on the sunday, i didnt think much oof it as im not medically trained and weād been to the hospital the day before. I assumed that we all had a chest infection, our son got better, i was slightly improving, so i assumed sheād improve. On the monday she rolled a joint, hugged our son before he went to school. She asked for one of my propanalols for anxiety on the monday, just 1 x 40mg, so i gave it to her. Sheād always give me a diazepam when i was anxious. At about 2pm on the monday i went to sleep in our sons room for an hour, i said, āwe are both ill, youre tired, im tired, weāre keeping each other awake, im going into our sons room to get an hour before the school runā. She said ādont leave meā before that, but i didnt think she would die. I woke at 3:18 and needed to get our son, i called out to her, went into the room and she was sleeping, and looked peaceful, so i went to get our son. When we came back i checked and my world crashed, she didnt respond. I called 999 and my son witnessed me doing CPR on his mummy. When the paramedics came they asked āhas she had anythingā i said only one of my propanalols to my knowledge. Then the paramedics said she has passed and that theirs nothing more they can do. Then the police came and arrested for for suspicion of murder and administering a noxious substance. They split me from my grieving son for 3 days. In which time they conducted a post mortem and established that she died from Pneumonia. Two detectives came out to us and said that the coroner said she was a very sick woman. I was released with no further action and bail conditions (not seeing my son without supervision and reporting to a police station 3 times a day) all lifted immediately.
Now im with family and trying to recover. Ive seen the doctor, relocated and am trying to cope. But i cant, im a wreck, i cant be attentive to my son so my mum and dad are trying to help. Ive reached out for bereavement counselling and its on the way. I just feel like a failure, like ive let our son down, that i should have done more, should have seen the signs. Now our son doesnt have a mummy, which is all i ever wanted. My life feels devoid of purpose and most days are a haze and im not sure i can continue.
Thats whats happened.
