Lost my partner

LGBTQ+
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My partner died in a hospice last week, we were together for 27 years, the last 5 shes was battling ovarian cancer. Even though we knew the end was coming i still feel completely shell shocked , numb , angry, and i cant stop crying, i just see my future as one big empty void, i cant imagine ever finding joy in this world again without her, she was such a kind beautiful soul and i loved her so much and she didnt want to leave me, my emotions are all over the place

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I’m so sorry for the loss of your partner, @NikNak2. You are not alone. Many of our members have sadly lost a partner. @mementomori and @Lonelyjohn lost their partners to ovarian cancer and may understand some of what you’re going through.

Your loss is very recent and raw, so I wanted to share these links with you to explore, when you feel ready to.

Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief

I hope you find the community to be a good source of support, too.

Take good care and keep reaching out,

Seaneen

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I lost my partner Mal to stomach cancer last August and felt and still feel exactly like you. All the friends who kindly rallied around at the time have, not unexpectedly, had for the most part to drop off to look after their own lives. I think the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that he would have wanted me to look after myself and that’s what you need to do too.
I do think it’s a bit harder for us to cope in our community. I haven’t really got any close gay friends and that makes me feel doubly alone. I’m just hoping that like everyone says that it gets easier as time goes by. Hang in there and look after yourself.

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Hello @NikNak2 . Your experience sounds very similar to mine. My partner died in a hospice, from ovarian cancer, last week. I’m feeling exactly as you describe - shocked, heartbroken and utterly lost. I also feel very, very anxious and scared at the prospect of the rest of my life without her. I’ve just found this site and would love to hear from others who are on this terrible journey.

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Hi Jane, im so sorry your on this journey, it will be 2 months this week since Pat left me.
Im seeing a Councillor, im not sure if its helping but will carry on with it.
I try to keep myself busy or i get so easily overwhelmed , my life for the last five years has been to care for her, i dont know who i am without her , I cry everyday, and miss her terribly.
I have gone back to work, which is a distraction but my grief is so raw i struggle, i try to suppress it whilst at work but at home my evenings are so lonely.
Im sorry if this is not a very positive post but pleae feel free to vent your frustration and feelings at me, i think its important to have an outlet besides frinds and family x

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Hi @NikNak2, thank you for your reply. I’m so sorry for your loss of Pat.
‘Raw’ is such a good word to describe how I feel. It’s as though the top layer of my skin is missing, everything hurts.
Today I have to arrange Karen’s funeral… I’m trying my best to support her daughter through this, as I promised I would, but I feel helpless and overwhelmed.
Please don’t apologise for your post not being positive. It’s so good to talk to someone who truly understands.

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Its so hard to support other people when we are so full of our own grief, Im the same with Pats daughters.
I hope you manage the funeral arrangements ok, deep breathes.
Ive joined a facebook group called, Lesbian Grief loss support, I’ve found it quite helpful and they are very supportive, i PM some of them to vent sometimes, its ran by two British ladies but its world wide, it helps to know your not alone x

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Hi NikNak2, so sorry to hear about the loss of your partner. My wife died 3 months ago, and whilst I had very supportive friends around at the time, it seems to have waned now. Everyone just seems to think you’ll get on with the rest of your life. Not true! I like you, find the weekends and evenings the most lonely and I’m almost glad to go back to work, just to see and speak to someone. It’s very hard to explain to anyone exactly how you’re feeling. Sending positive thoughts your way, I’m sure there is light at the end of the tunnel. It just seems a long journey…xx

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Hi, sorry to hear of your loss as well, its truly awful road to go down.
Some of my friends have stepped up others have turned away, mostly i think because my grief makes them uncomfortable, and their lives are carrying on and mine is like stuck, which in a way i dont mind because i dont want to leave her behind.
None of them understand how devastating it is and i wouldn’t wish it on anyone, they have all waned now though and i have to try and get through the evenings and weekends best i can, usually involves alot of sobbing!
I’ll never get over this, im a different person now, i just hope I’ll eventually be able to live peacefully with my grief x

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