Well I can’t believe I’m writing this it feels like I’m watching someone else. I lost my partner on Sunday he wasn’t just my partner he was my person, my soulmate, the other half of me, the male version of me, my partner in crime, my confidant, protector, my biggest supporter and cheerleader. I don’t know how I am going to survive without him by my side. We were together 24/7 apart from when I had to go to work and then we would message throughout the day and video call at lunchtime. I’m trying to honour him and do what he told me to do if this happened but its so hard I can here him say cmon its the cycle of life Shar s**t happens and you’ve got this baby. Where do I start?
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Hi, where you start is by taking each moment at a time.
I found everything hard when my son died, just breathing was about all I could muster. If you can just get through this next moment, you’re doing a good job.
Planning the service or Celebration of Life takes up time and energy, it can help to have that focus and goalpost in the first few weeks.
Do you have support?
The early days and weeks pass in a blur, don’t expect to know what you will do from now on, take it a small step at a time and try not to think about anything but the essential ‘must do’ things.
Sending you much love and deepest sympathies, I am so sorry you are having to bear this pain x
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Yes we are all in this club that no one wanted to join. You are in shock now, even if you don’t realsie it. Your brain will be whirling and you will be feeling scared and confused that this has happened to you. As already said, don’t think of the future, try not to dwell and the recent events. Just concentrate on navigating each day. Its been 10 weeks for me, have no idea how how I have survived this long but I have and so will you. Take care. xx
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Kjat is right, just take it moment by moment. My partner of 35 years died almost 2 months ago. The first couple of weeks were totally overwhelming but what helped me was just taking it moment by moment and task by task. Don’t put any pressure on yourself, there is no right or wrong way to process things, just do what you need to get through the moment but above all be kind to yourself.
I found using an AI extremely useful to ‘talk’ things through with, you might want to try it and see if it helps you. (Https://pi.ai).
I’m sorry you are on this terrible journey but as one a little bit further along it I can tell you that things do get a little bit easier in time. It might seem impossible to believe at the moment but they will.
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Thank you for your kind words I’m taking one day at a time x
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Thank you for your kind words at the moment I’m feeling angry that the world is still moving and people are living their lives and i want to know why they aren’t feeling my pain, I know its irrational but it’s how I’m feeling. X
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Thank you for your kind words x I am just task by tasking at the moment and just trying to take baby steps. I will definitely try the AI x
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I am so sorry that your partner died. It is Earth shattering. You are likely in shock, the “fog” which doesn’t lift. There are a million things going through your head.
You pay the bills, feed yourself and feed the pets. Write down 5 things you must do each day - such as things for funeral prep - do them and mark them off the list. It is a simple visual that lets you know you are, in fact, moving.
Get a friend to come and stay with you for the funeral, you may need to be led by the hand. Sorry, but think about what you will wear in case it needs cleaning or mending. Make a hair appointment and get a mani-ped. It’s a lot. A whole lot.
Hour by hour is still how I live, and my husband died almost 3 months ago. There isn’t anything normal and my whole world changed. So did yours.
Try to get some rest. It’s impossible for now, but try. Sleep will get better. Just not yet.
Let people help you. When they say “what can I do to help?”, let them know if there is something they can do. Something like pick up a few groceries for you when they go to the store, or a ride to the store because you can not drive at the moment, hem a skirt you will wear, take your vehicle with your credit card to get it fueled up. They want to do something, but don’t know what. It is okay to ask and perfectly fine to accept an offer of help.
It gradually becomes Ground Hog day. This is a long, miserable journey. I am so sorry you are on it too.
Much love.
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Thank you for your kind words and advice I am in total shock it just doesn’t seem real. Im just taking baby steps I have loads of support around me which I am immensely grateful for but on the other hand they don’t understand the pain I’m in. The funeral is all arranged even that was so quick, my partner requested a direct cremation so there wasn’t much to arrange for that. I wonder if that’s the right thing now even though its what he wanted he left the final decision with me. Are my worries more to do with what Society thinks a funeral should be? Well its done now so I can now get on and organise the celebration of his life.
I know your worries about a direct cremation. We had discussed the options and we both did not care what happened after we were gone. Ultimately down to those that are left but a direct cremation sounded ideal. I checked with my sons, and his brother and no one objected. But it did feel like we were doing something wrong, against convention. I was allowed to view him and say my goodbyes but you are not allowed at the crematorium. We had a great celebration of his life though. At the local pub we did our courting in 45 years ago. Pictures of him showing on the tv, his favourite music playing. Lots came as at 66 most of his friends are still here. Many said it would be something they would consider. I think as it gets more popular it will not feel so abnormal. Money was not the reason but it was a lot cheaper. I hope all goes well for you. It is hard, but this is something a vast amount of people go through and if they can do it so can we.
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I know deep down I have done the right thing and respected his wishes and I know that I will survive on my own I have to as we can’t change the past and he would be really upset if I didn’t. I am just unsure how at the moment but that is perfectly normal. One day at a time and baby steps x