Lost my sister but struggling to grieve

Hi everyone,

I’ve joined this group as I am desperate to help my current situation. What we could all do with a magic wand! I lost my eldest sister coming up to 3 years ago this June. It was the worst 5 weeks of my life watching her suffer in intensive care after she got sepsis following an operation. At the time I was devastated but felt a relief that she was no longer suffering. I feel guilty for saying that!!

I spent the last few years focusing on looking after my mum, being there for my nieces and nephew aswell as looking after my own children. I have had so many mixed feelings, it still doesn’t feel real at times. I feel angry with life and I know I haven’t grieved properly yet. It took me 10 years to let all my emotions out when my dad died.

I feel like my life is surrounded by loss at early ages, I’m now the age my sister was ( 40 ) and I can’t help thinking about death. I lost my dad when I was 17 and he was only 43. I think now I’m close to their ages it’s bringing on a lot of emotions and I have been suffering with really bad anxiety lately. I can feel everything inside me wanting to let it all out but it’s like I’m being strangled and it just won’t come out.

I’ve got to a point now that the littlest of things sets me off into an anxiety attack, I’ve now been signed off work but I’m so desperate to get on with life, life will never be the same but how do people cope and move forwards in life?

Hi @Jentwig

I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. It sounds as though things are tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed at times.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I wonder if you have ever tried counselling? Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service that I think could really help you. It’s free and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about the service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

Take care,

Online Community team

Hi Jentwig, I saw your post and wanted to say I am sorry for your loss. My younger Sister also died going on three years (in May). I have not been the same since. Feeling relief over not wanting to see a loved one suffer, is a testament to your love. Anger is also a normal part of the grieving process. Thinking about our own mortality goes along with it. I have altered my life in so many ways, due to the thought of my own eventual passing. It seems you have had an accumulation of losses, and with caring for others, you have not had time to properly grieve. Each loss amplifies the ones before it, often leaving us overwhelmed. I can suggest posting on this forum. I have found so much support here, from the kindest, most sensitive folks. You will not feel alone here and writing out your feelings will help. Take care and be gentle with yourself. Xxxx, Another Sad Sister

Hi Mick,

Thank you for replying, yes I am very all over the place. I am currently having counselling but feel like I’m spending a lot of that time discussing things that are going on now. There’s a lot but I feel I could cope with it better if I wasn’t already in a bad place over my sister.


Hi @Sister2

Thank you so much for replying, I’m so sorry to hear about your sister too. I think you have hit the nail on the head with the continuing of losses. I spent so much time before I lost my sister having counselling as I struggled with loss and change. It affected relationships I was in and I stayed with horrible partners as I just didn’t want to be alone. I just wish I could let more emotions out for my sister, her name was Claire. Did it take you a while? It’s nice to talk On here as I am struggling to open up in person to family and friends.

Hi Jentwig-How are you getting on? The emotions rise up and we cannot always share with everyone. Sometimes it is easier to open up to those we have no history with. I have shared more of my deepest feelings here on this site than I have with friends & family. Your feelings for Claire will ease out, and cannot be forced. Just know that here you will not be judged. Take care. Xxx

Hi Sister2,

Thanks for your message, yes I’m still very mixed emotions to be honest. I agree with talking to people with no history, I have a brilliant family and friends that I know I can talk to but I just don’t feel like it at the moment. I’ve been talking to a counsellor and I find typing out on here helps. I just wish I could get all the emotions out. I feel angry about it all. I hope you are doing ok? Xx