I feel so lost, heart broken, angry at the cruelty of life. My beautiful, kind, wonderful twin sister was killed in a road accident just over a week ago through no fault of her own, the other driver survived but it could take months for the investigation to conclude/press charges etc.
She was so young, had a lovely partner, house, career and was trying to start a family.
I just don’t know how I can live without her and can’t ever see how our family can heal when the circumstances of her death are so tragic and traumatic.
I don’t really know what I’m asking but just can’t see any light and frightened of the future. I miss her every second and I’m haunted about her last moments.
Hello, I’m so sorry to hear that your twin sister was killed at such a young age and in such an awful way. It sounds as though the prospect of an investigation and the possibility that someone was to blame are adding an extra layer to your grief.
Your loss is so very recent and raw and it is natural that you feel overwhelmed by emotions and frightened of the future. Most people will say that all you can do at this stage is take things day by day or even hour by hour. It’s important to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve - bottling up emotions can make things even worse. Do you feel able to to talk to the rest of your family, or to supportive friends?
Writing things down on this site can also be a good outlet for your emotions. You are among people who understand here. While you wait for more replies to your post, you might also find it helpful to look at other posts in the Losing a Sibling category. There are also these recent posts from others who’ve lost loved ones in road accidents:
@Kirstie posted: My boy
@jannyb posted: Lost my fiancé
There is also an organisation called RoadPeace who have a helpline for families bereaved by road deaths - they can offer emotional support, and also support with going through the investigation process and justice system: https://www.roadpeace.org/support/emotional-support/
I lost my younger sister in April due to a brain tumour.
People under estimate the effect it has looseing a sibling.
I described it as haveing my heart ripped out, stamped on and then popped back in every day, then trying to go on.
I’m so so sorry for what’s happened. I’d like to say it gets easier but I’m still waiting for that to be.
You are so right Paula, The loss of an adult sibling is often under estimated. I find that some people are actually surprised that I am “still” so broken by the loss of my beloved younger Sister (in 2018). You describe it so well. Exactly how I feel. Sorry for any one who must live with this pain, it is torment. Take care Xxx
So sorry Heart-Broken. I was not a twin, but the bond I shared with my younger Sister was often compared to that of twins, I understand how you would feel angry. The circumstances of her death are horrific, and will compound your grief. Your world was turned upside down in an instant, and you will need time and care to even begin to process it. There are many on this forum who will support you in the loss of a sibling. Like Paula stated “the loss of a sibling is often under-estimated” therefore it is important that those of us enduring it, must be there for each other. Take care. Xxxx Another Sad Sister
Hi how are you now? I lost my lovely dad on 9th Nov and I was prescribed diazepam as I couldn’t stop shaking like total shock. Things have started to improve slowly because I don’t think about him constantly but when my mind starts going back to him it’s like I’m back to square one! I also imagine his final minutes and think I may need help to get past this.
Thank you for you messages, it’s a comfort to know there are others who can relate.
Still really struggling, feel so traumatised by all the things we’ve had to do, visit her in the chapel of rest, organise her funeral, go in her house and see all her things that she’ll never see again, collect her ashes from the funeral directors. We still don’t know when the suspect will be charged or what with, I’m just desperate to get justice for my sister. I miss her every minute of the day and have to witness my parents in pain everyday. It’s so hard to be alive but I know I have to keep going xx
When my sister got the shock diagnosis of a brain tumour in January 2020 she died April 2020 I went into instant shock I didn’t stop shaking for almost a week, I begged, pleaded with god, the powers that be, I prayed I just would have given anything for it not to be so. I couldn’t speak the words my sisters got a brain tumour… Without it fealing like my throat was closing of.
I had to pull myself together to be strong for her. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It was utterly traumatizeing watching her deteriorate before my eyes. I saw her take her final breath, I washed her down and dressed her when she’d passed… My last job as big sister I had to do it I wanted to.
Now I go a day or so and I’m sad then bang I wake up it hits me againe and I’m right back at square one and the heartache is physical it just drainers me. I don’t tell my husband this occurs I don’t tell our parents they’re upset enough without knowing I’m still in this state.
There was exactly 1 year between me and my sister so we were close. I’d give owt to hear her voice again, to go for a coffee and cake in Costa, to ring her up and have a moan.
Paula-Your words resonate with me. I too was (am) the older sister. My Sister had a rare cancer, and although my younger Sister did well until a sudden turn (shocking and unexpected), I relate to the trauma of watching her take her final breath. I still cannot say “when my Sister was alive,” I still cannot speak of her in the past tense. I also long to ring her, spend time with her, laugh and share as we used to. It is 2 years on for me, and in many ways I feel the grief more intensely. I am so sorry for your pain. Take care . Xxxx Another Sad Sister 
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You have so much to contend with Heart-Broken, on top of your crushing grief. This is what is known as “Complicated Grief.” I hope justice for your sister will prevail, and that might give you & your family a modicum of solace. I understand when you say “it is hard to be alive.” I often feel that way. But we keep going, because we have to. Make sure to take care of yourself during this trying time, Please keep us posted. Here for you in the difficult days ahead. Xxxx Sad Sister2
Sorry to hear that @Paula51 , it sounds like you did everything you could to care for her in those final moments. Same here, I’d give anything to have a chat with my sister, if only.
Thanks @Sister2 your words are a comfort. It’s only been 6 weeks for me and I know, as you mention 2 years on for you, the grief won’t leave and the ‘missing her’ just intensifies. But yes, we must keep going, I feel it would be an insult to her to throw my life away when she lost hers so tragically.
It’s hard to get motivated to do anything though, I haven’t been able to work and even a bit of housework feels like climbing a mountain some days. Does it get easier?
I have two young children and my sister adored them, she was trying to start a family of her own, to know she was desperate to become a mother but won’t get the chance effects me greatly.
I still even now wake up in the morning thinking is it a nightmare, I know everyone’s different but how long will this happen for? xxx
Sister2
I still can’t beleive I’ve to say… My sister passed away…
I just say “she’s away.” Not passed away." I try to reword it in a way it does not sound so final. denial is not always such a bad thing. We need to do what we can to survive this. xxx
In the very early days, after she passed… She passed away April 26 2020… I couldn’t get the words out my throat would close of as though I was chokeing… I then found if I detached myself as though I was talking over someone else I could say it. Now I can say it but it feels unreal.
The build up to Christmas is hard… Christmas day was the last time I saw my sister in clothes… She wasn’t well but we hadn’t a clue what was wrong the gp said she’d a inner ear issue… She wasn’t told it was a brain tumour untill January 6th 2020 after going into a and e and thankgod someone knew what they were doing and listened to our mum.
It makes me feel sick inside when I imagine been told that you’ve a, massive tumour and you’re not going home. My mum has ptsd type flashbacks to my sister saying am I going to die and the consultant saying we don’t know. I’ve flashbacks to phoning my dad who couldn’t speak and me asking him to just say yes or no as I asked have they found something… Him yes… Is it a, brain tumour… Yes. I fell apart I was sick I started to shake that’s when hell began for my sister and the family.
I begged I screamed I pleaded with God to make her well I said take whatever life I’ve got to live and give her half of it I don’t care give her it all… No miricle happened.
The day she passed I saw my parents age overnight. There world torn apart. My neices life’s shattered. I just wanted to scream.
My bro in law well he went and rang her work to ensure her pension and wages were all paid out before asking if our dad was paying for the funeral.
I wish I had answers @Heart.Broken. For me the grief seemed to intensify in the 2nd year. I think I was overcome with shock & denial that first year. Harsh realty hit when I suddenly had idle time during lock down, During those long lonely hours, the flashbacks came flooding back. I re-lived my beloved Sister’s last moments, over & over. Work had been a distraction, and without it, my mind went to those dark places. Exhaustion is part of grief, so don’t push yourself Heart.Broken. Rest when you need to. Mornings can be difficult, when we must face another day without our beloved sisters.
@Paula, I am so sorry. I understand your concern for your parents & niece, and you must be hurt by your BIL’s focus on the finances. I also bargained with GOD when I learned my younger Sister had a rare form of cancer, I would have gladly taken it, if it spared her. I too prayed for a miracle. We had a good year after the diagnosis, and it seemed she was beating it. In one night all that changed, and she was gone. In a way I was glad our parents were no longer here to witness the horror. I fear it would have killed them. She was their youngest, their baby. Xxx
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Hi @Paula51 my younger sister died due to dengue shock syndrome with in one day. She had fever for 3days but she was well. Blood reports were fine. But all of a sudden she went into gasping. There wasn’t any time for us to save her. When we took her to hospital she was kept in ventilator for a night hoping she would wakeup. But my parents knew she was gone. After her death in my hindu tradition uncles are supposed to do rituals but i did too. Like you said i am here big sister i have to do it. We did some poojas where i touched my sister’s bone in the process of the ritual before pouring her ashes into river. Now when i think of that day. I dont know how i did those things. But as a sister it was my duty for my younger sister. Untill the moment they set fire on her i hugged and kissed her for one last time. I can feel your heart aches. Its hard to tell others. But you aren’t alone in this, i totally understand and relate with your pain. Hope your strong and well.
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Heartbreaking reading theses stories if looseing our sisters.
I find I’ve to hide my greif, especially as time is going by. Even though it’s not been a year yet. I suddenly start to cry, my husband will say what’s up with you… It doesn’t Warren me answering him. If he doesnt know I won’t explain my pain to him.
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To All , I relate to what you are all sharing. This May will be three horrific years since losing my precious Sister, and I life is going on, but I am not. I walk around with a vital part of myself missing, but only I am aware of it. @Paula51 sorry your husband does not acknowledge your pain, and you feel you cannot explain it to him (but really how can we?). I would suggest seeking out other forms of support, such as on this forum. I still sense the discomfort in others when I bring up my grief. Recently a “friend” said to be me, “oh are you still crying over your Sister?” I will Never stop crying over losing my Sister. Needless to say, I stopped communicating with that person. I return to this forum because I know I will not hear such insensitive comments. Thinking of everyone here, as together we mourn our beloved sisters, Xxxx 
I’d a rotton day yesterday. The greif just came and I couldnt move passed it.
How many times can you’re heart keep breaking.
I miss her every single day.
Sorry @Paula51 those days are many and I find I have not had one full day without a “grief attack” We will never stop missing them. The pain chips away at our heart, but I believe there is one small space that survives, That part of our heart that holds the love and precious memories, that even death cannot destroy.
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