Im not really sure where to start with all of this because most of it feels a bit of a blur. Like its not real, like its a nightmare. Im still in shock. My beautiful, intelligent sister took her own lift October 2023. We live in the UK and she lived in Shanghai, China. She was successful, happy, bubbly and a free spirit. Im the eldest of 4 girls, she was the youngest. She traveled the world, lived a beautiful life. She was more than a sister, I helped raise her, she felt like my own child.
She was my best friend and my heart pains me everyday without her. We had to travel to China to deal with her repatriation. It was all very traumatic. They way we had to ID her body lacked empathy. They treated her like an object. Not someones sister, someones daughter.
She died in the bath. I was left to clean the remains of what was in the bath after 3 weeks of it being sat there. Her home was cold, it smelt horrible, a smell I still smell on her things. We had to throw alot of her things away which felt immoral. We couldn’t pack up 6 years of her life in cases in 1 day. We brought back 7 cases of her things and I still feel guilty. I wish I had spoke to her more about her feelings. She always looked so happy. She hid everything from us. And now we are sat here broken, with a million questions, why? My baby girl took her life and was left for 2 days all alone. She left a short note saying sorry and that life isn’t fair for everyone. But we thought she was living her best life!!!
I cant live without her. I wake up everyday in tears and go to bed sobbing. I feel so heartbroken. I’ve never felt pain like this. I cannot accept that that she is gone forever. It’s too painful. Our family is broken. My life will never be the same again. She was the kindest person, helped so many people and lit up every room she walked in. She was so special and now she is gone. How will Iife ever be normal again? I’ve had to be supported by a crisis team and have now been discharged. I feel there is a lack of bereavement support for this kind of loss as everywhere I’ve tried is full for months. Someone recommended Sue Ryder so here I am. Hoping one day, life will feel normal again 
