Lost my son, my best friend

Losing a child
1

On the 10th December I lost my son, Matthew, my best friend. We lived with my partner, not Matthew’s dad for the past year.
I’m suffering the immense grief that I feel for my son, I’m sure those of you in the same boat have felt the same, I feel like all the love has gone from my heart and don’t know what the point is of doing anything anymore.
I’ve had an intense amount of stress following his passing, mainly from the coroner who was suggesting that I have to lay my son to rest without his brain, which my Matthew was a genius, a law student destined for great things. The idea of paying him to rest horrified me and they’ve now agreed I can wait til they’ve finished testing but could take 3/4 months before I can lay him to rest.
Additional to this I am putting a brave face on for the sake of my partners 9 year old son, when he is with us at weekends. But I’m getting extremely angry at my partner for little things, such as planning his sons finances for the future in front of me. Or just not giving me advice or a hug when needed, as Matthew would have been that support for me when I was upset, im upset that he is not supporting me in the same way, and then it comes out as anger. Has anyone experienced anything like this before? The only advice I can find online is shared grief between couples,

1 Like
2

Hi Lweez1983

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling . I’m so sorry to hear about your son Matthew. It sounds like the process of laying him to rest has been complicated and drawn out, which I’m sure is adding to your grief. It’s also normal for grief to affect your relationships, and for you to feel many emotions including anger.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

Please do use whatever might help, and I hope you find the community a supportive place.

Take good care,
Rhi

3

Hi Leewz1983.My heartfelt sympathy goes out to you on the loss of your son.I am a widow of 12years and in March this year lost my son my only child.He was 51 after the loss of his dad we became even closer.He was my best friend totally and I have his mothers day cards from the last 12 years expressing how I was his best friend and he would be lost without me.He had alot of health and emotional issues.With regard how you are feeling I can only say unless you have lost a child nobody else can understand the unbearable emptyness we feel and we can get upset and angry at times at their lack of understanding.My family are great and I have some good friends but on Christmas Day i got a gif gaf text from a friend who I have not heard from since my son died.It had a funny xmas cartoon with Merry Xmas and she said “we must make an effort to meet up keep smiling”.Really !!.I know we are extra sensitive but it did upset me.Very early days for you and me we just got to carry on my love.Take care xxxx

2 Likes
4

I get what you’re saying. I lost my son on 18th December. I could scream and cry all the time. My partner was not my sons father, I remarried and guess he just doesn’t understand, he tries but has no children if his own so I guess he just doesn’t get it, how can he?
Sometimes it’s like he feels like is normal but it’s not and I get so mean and angry with him, then feel guilty.

5

Hi just read your post early hrs sleep comes and goes these days.Unfortunately there is no way I am afraid your partner will be able to understand the unbearable pain you are going through and yes the anger will come out.Its not their fault its just the way things are .There have been lots of posts on the forum from people who have gone through the same thing who know exactly how we feel.I know my son was loved by all my family but the only other person that would feel exactly how I do over my Mark is my hubby and as I say I am a widow so miss his love comfort and sharing.
I found a post the other day from Jim he apologised for it being long winded ! But you must try and find it.Its an absolutely wonderful post it says it all.Search for the heading TRYING TO COME TO TERMS
Meanwhile I understand your pain your emptiness and I send you all my love and wish you the strength to get through each day as I try to do myself.I better try get some sleep xxxx

1 Like
6

Thank you Marg for taking the time to reply and I wish you peace and some happiness. I do know that our children loved us and this pain in our hearts is because we loved them so so much too. My son wouldn’t want this to ruin my life and he would want me to be happy as all our children would. If only there were something someone could say or some magic pill to mend our broken hearts x

7

I would love to take that magic pill.You are so right my boy would be saying get out there mum make most of life.Not easy without his love but I do try as I am sure you will.
Anyway my love take care baby steps.Oh I did manage to get some sleep thank goodness xxxx
.