Lost my son

Losing a child
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My son aged 43 committed suicide 4wks ago I’m so heart broken :broken_heart:. He used to come an stay every other week to help me an it helped him now he has gone. I lost my eldest son 23yrs ago an never got over it.now I’m not coping I haven’t the energy to do basic things

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Hello @Lyn8,

I can see that you’re new to the community. I hope you find it to be a supportive place, but I’m so sorry for the loss of both of your sons that has brought you here.

Losing your son so recently, and having experienced the loss of your eldest son, is a lot of grief to carry. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling heartbroken, and that you haven’t got the energy to do basic things.

I wanted to share some sources of support that might help you right now.

You might also want to explore our Online Bereavement Support, where you find our Grief Guide self-help platform and online bereavement information.

Thank you again for sharing this with us. Please keep reaching out, and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Harriet

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Dear Lyn8,

My son also took his own life. He had struggled with mental health issues for many years, and at the time I truly believed he was doing well. It was a devastating shock.

I completely understand how grief can make even the most basic day-to-day tasks feel almost impossible. The exhaustion, lack of energy, and loss of motivation can be overwhelming.

The fact that you have reached out here is a huge step in itself. Please consider contacting one of the support groups Harriet has suggested. I received initial support from Mind, and I now receive support through talking therapy. Every step you take matters, no matter how small it may seem.

Sending you a huge hug and thinking of you at this incredibly difficult time.:people_hugging: :heart:

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Hello Lyn8,

You have been in my thoughts, and I wanted to ask whether you’ve been able to make contact with any of the services mentioned above.

I know it’s not an easy thing to do when grief feels overwhelming and even the smallest things can seem like climbing a mountain. Please know that I’m thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs and support. :people_hugging: :people_hugging: :people_hugging:

Take care.

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I have rang them it helped a little .iv also spoke to my Dr who has referred me to mental health

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Hi Lyn8,
I’m glad you’ve made contact with a service and that your GP is referring you to a mental health service. You need all the support you can get.
I found it very difficult to talk in the early days, often feeling numb and unable to share how I was feeling. Most days, I just about managed the bare minimum — getting out of bed, putting on some clothes if I could, and eating one meal.
It felt like a huge effort just to get through the day. Please be gentle with yourself and take things one day at a time. thoughts are with you, and I’m sending you warm hugs. :people_hugging: :people_hugging: :people_hugging: :growing_heart:

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Hi Lyn8, I hope you’re having an okay day.

How have you got on with your mental health referral? I know it can take time to actually speak to someone, but sometimes just knowing you’ve taken that first step can help a little. I remember clinging on to the knowledge that support was coming, and somehow that gave me something to hold on to.

My son Luke was a chef and really enjoyed sharing jokes and banter with his colleagues and family. His mental health was like a rollercoaster ride, but his work helped to keep him stable a lot of the time.

If you feel able to, would you like to share your son’s name and tell me a little about him? I’d really like to hear about him and get to know a little about the person he was. Sending you love and hugs :heart: :people_hugging:

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Hi I’m lyn. MY son Phillip was 43.He was a builder He struggled to get over losing my son Daniel 23yrs ago.Eventually Phillip became an alcoholic I help him for many years an as I got more housebound he would come an stay we heped each other but in the end life got to tough for him .I’m broken. Councillong starts next week .

Thank you for messaging me

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Hi Lyn, Thank you so much for sharing Phillip’s name and telling me a little about him. It means a lot that you answered my questions and trusted me with those personal details. Knowing his name and that he was a builder helps me to picture Phillip as the person he was, rather than just hearing that someone has died.

I’m so very sorry for the loss of your precious son. Reading your words, I can feel how deeply you loved Phillip and how much you tried to support him through so many difficult years. You were there for each other and I’m sure that bond meant so much. I’m glad you’re starting counselling next week. I found therapy helpful, but it does take time. Please be very gentle with yourself.

I’m thinking of you and sending you love and hugs. Tina :people_hugging: :heart:

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Hello Lyn, I hope you’re having an okay day. :heart:

It’s so hard to ask how someone is feeling when we know there really aren’t words that can describe this kind of pain. I just wanted to check in on you and let you know that I’m thinking of you.

I hope your first counselling session is helpful. I remember feeling very emotional and crying a lot during and after each of my sessions. It can bring so much to the surface, so please try to be extra kind and gentle with yourself afterwards. I know that isn’t always easy. Maybe make yourself a cup of tea, or hold something that belonged to Phillip if that brings you a little comfort. I often hold my son’s things.

I’m thinking of you and sending you lots of love and hugs. :heart: :people_hugging: