Lost my soul mate and wife

It’s been 7 months since my wife died I think about her every day and still have tearful moments friends and family think I’m doing ok but on my own I’m still shot to pieces everyone says it will get better in time but I can’t see that happening I miss her so much.

Hello ,

I don’t know how long you were married but it’s only natural that you will think about her everyday and be tearful it shows how much you loved her.

Friends and family aren’t always much help at these times. Unless it’s happened to them they have absolutely no idea how awful it is. People I thought were close friends haven’t even been in touch since the service.
Family come up with helpful ideas - go back to work- studying- moving - hobbies- I have no interest in any of these things.
I know they’re trying to help but it just makes me feel that they’re just glossing over what’s happened. Can’t they understand how sad I am?

My partner died suddenly 3 months ago and I am in pieces. After 47 years together my whole life and future have completely disappeared. All I can think of is him, how much I miss him , what we would have been doing if he was here. Each day is just pointless - just filling in the time till I can go to bed and try to fall asleep.

Like you I can’t see how my life can get better and I really don’t know how to cope.

I wish I could say something more positive, I’m going to counselling and this may help you or not. I find I can say things to the counsellor that you can’t to family or friends.

Take care of yourself, J x

I am so sorry to read about losing your wife, and wish I could offer you some useful help. The truth is, it is impossible to recover completely from the loss of someone you love, and it is very early days for you. My husband died on 8 June last year so I am approaching the dreaded first anniversary. We had known each other for 68 years, and married for 66. I feel as if my heart has been smashed to pieces.

Well-meaning friends and relatives tell you what you should do but they have no idea. All I can say is that you should only do what you feel is right for you. The loneliness is the worst thing of all, and the most difficult to deal with. I tried counselling but it didn’t help me. Posting on here is an excellent way of putting into words how you are feeling. We are all in the same sad boat so know how it is.

Eileen

So sorry for your loss. It’s only 4 months for me and I feel your pain. This forum has really helped me understand that it’s ok to be how I want to be and not to do what others expect of me. I cry when and where I have to. I think I’ve managed most coffee shops in town now. It’s ok to grieve and take as long as we need. We will never get over our loss - how could we?- but we will learn to live along side it and accommodate it in our lives.

The ladies are right. Sometimes those closest to us just don’t get it. The problem is that their life has gone on and mine is stuck in this horrible rut of grief and sadness. I look forward to the day when I look back on my many wonderful memories of my husband with happiness rather than sadness and dispair.

Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself and most of all take time to grieve at your own pace. xx

My kids have been great but they have there own lives and families most of the time you’re on your own which for me is taking a lot of getting used to the smallest thing can set me of I can honestly say it’s the worst thing that at has happened in my life and now im really lonely like many people we had plans to travel etc which has now ended I feel my life is over.

Hi
We were together 25 years and done everything together my kids have been great but they all have there own lives and families so being alone takes some getting used to

After 44 years together with my wife,I know how you feel.We were best friends,soulmates,and were never apart.She told me that I must get on with my life
now that she has gone.Much,much easier said than done,but I owe it to her to try and make the effort.Perhaps you will find the strength to do the same one day

We were together for 25 years and like you done everything together we planned to do so much now I can I don’t want to if that makes sense everyone says it will get better in time so maybe one day lost interest in everything at the moment

I lost my amazing wife in March this year completely unexpected and we had been together 25 years.
We laid her ashes to rest yesterday on her 50th birthday, I feel totally empty and struggling to see what I’m supposed to do, so I really understand what your going through.

Sorry for your loss Richard. I was with my husband for 29 years and married for 25. The loss can not be measured can it . Take care. xx

Hi Richard
I’m so sorry for your loss and no exactly how you’re feeling now all you can do is let it out take each day as it comes I found if you have something to keep you busy it helps also I know it’s an old clechay but it does get a bit easier in time keep your chin up

It’s been 2 months since my husband passed & it’s like living in hell… I am keeping busy as I am realistic & know that he is gone , people say you look ok & I say looks are deceiving, nobody would understand unless it’s happened to them how could they, I didn’t before it happened to me… but it’s a long hard journey we all have to go through& I’m so sorry for your loss & I totally understand how you feel , as I feel exactly as you do and it’s not easy xxxx

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I know it may not be much consolation but I am in exactly same situation give or take a few months. It will be a year next Thursday since I lost without any doubt my wife and best friend. Like you I cannot imagine it getting better and despite putting a brave face on things with family and friends behind closed doors I still have very many occasions where I become heartbroken . I don’t have any real answers for you sadly but if it does bring you any comfort at all you are not alone . The only slight thing that does help me is if I keep busy and occupied . Just gives a slight bit of respite during the day. I genuinely wish you all the very best and try to keep going . You never know those people who say it gets easier may well be right. I hope so !

Hi
Thank for your reply and I’m so sorry for your loss . It is so hard to get used to being on your own it has been 7 months for me I think about her every day ,I know it’s an old Cleshay but it does get a bit easier in time and like you say keeping busy helps I keep a diary and try to arrange things to do but at the end of the day you’re on your own try to keep your chin up all the best.

I’m so sorry for your loss I look back to remember what I was like at 2 months I was a wreck so I know exactly how you feel unless it has happened to to them family and friends don’t really know how you feel I exspect youre putting a brave face on but inside you’re feeling terrible all I can say is try to keep busy and I know everyone says it but it does get a bit better as time goes by keep your chin up xx

I’m so sorry for your loss , I am in the same situation as you lost my husband in April it’s the hardest thing Iv ever had to deal with he was ill for 3 months & it’s like a rollercoaster of emotions & it’s like our lives has stopped & everyone else is getting on with their lives , it all seems so unfair, take care of yourself & do what you need to do .

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