Lost my soul mate

My name is Rachael and I lost my partner very unexpectedly on Saturday, I didn’t know he was struggling so much.
I am devastated as he was not just my partner, he was my best friend and we did everything together as we never wanted to experience anything without each other. This is the longest I have been apart from him for the last five years, we were desperately in love. I’m really struggling to see any way I’m gonna to carry on with even the smallest tasks without him. I never thought I could feel this much pain and am struggling to see a way how I will ever get through this

Hi. Rachael.
I’m so so sorry to hear of your loss and my heart goes out to you. Thank goodness you came here. This is a place where you can speak freely about how you feel because we are all in the same situation.
What can I say at this moment. Whatever I say may not ease the awful pain. But it’s so early for you to begin to think about recovery. It takes time and grief is a process we go through, and any process takes time.
I’m sorry if I can’t be more help. I feel for you and I can feel the pain in your message. One feels so inadequate.
Please stay with us and come back whenever you feel the need, which may be often at first.
No platitudes or cliches will help at the moment, but try to hang in there.
Blessings and take care of yourself.

Oh Rachael - My heart goes out to you. This is a very difficult journey .My soul mate of 40 years died suddenly 3months ago. It was unexpected and I didn’t know it was going to be that fast.
It is very hard and the pain is overwhelming. Everything feels pointless. The first thing you have to do is look after yourself the best you can. I still use Bach’s Rescue Remedy, lavender oil & buy ready-made meals that I make myself eat, even if I’m not hungry. Don’t push yourself to do anything you don’t want to, unless it is critical. Your body and mind are bruised and battered and torn - you need to heal. Music sometimes helps, watching tv is a short term distraction for some (doesn’t matter whats on - but better if its not too depressing), I play video games & colour, I work in the garden, I go for walks,I stare into space. Nature was and is very important to me. I realized that I could go stand in my garden, and life was still flowing all about me, no matter how detached I was. Children & animals are a source of comfort - and make you remember that joy & love does exist , albeit not the love you’re craving.
I packed up most of his things-some the first day - 2 piles: give away/sell and KEEP…some of those keepers I haven’t looked at since…Business and legal stuff I got done within the first 2 weeks, as it had to be done. It kept my mind busy and somewhat organized. I bought a little notepad and started writing down anything I needed to do and any info I might need. I was not able to concentrate or remember anything. Set little goals: tomorrow I will go check about the auto insurance, and the rest later, for instance. I did it all at my own pace…
The first few weeks were so very,very awful for me…I would go into my back yard and scream at the sky…I just let it all come out…it left me shaken, yet cleansed. I really do recommend this “primal scream”. I’m not still in shock …the bad images don’t rule me, they lie beneath the surface, but they do come back…I’m coming to accept what has happened and what it means to me & my future…I’m full of sadness and aloneness . I cry every day, some more than others. Some days I get things done, others I don’t. Some days I see and talk with people, some days I don’t. I am overwhelmed by sadness and aloneness and I cry frequently every day. Rachael stay as strong as you can, and know that the woman your partner loved is still there - she’s just overwhelmed right now…One day you’ll hear yourself laugh, or feel yourself smile again…It will never be the same, and it seem impossible, but we can go on…

Hello Rachael. I can’t add much to the wise words that have already been written. I lost Brian in November so have had longer to get my head around him being gone. But you know I don’t feel he’s gone because I keep him with me all the time.
My loss wasn’t unexpected but nevertheless it was still traumatic and like me you will feel lost, alone and in a fog but in time, hopefully you will see a light. Dimly at first but brighter on some days.
I too sorted all paperwork, clothes, items out very quickly. I kept busy, almost burnt myself out to be honest but that is how I liked to cope. It depends on the individual and how you want to do things so don’t let anyone tell you differently.
I too found that I wanted to keep occupied. I walked with my dogs every day we walk for a couple of hours and other days it’s a lot longer. Take in everything around you, it truly is beautiful, listen to the birds singing etc. Have a good cry whenever you feel you want to. It will help. I love gardening and focused on this and grow my own fruit and veg. I write to him every day. I write down everything I do that day. At first it doesn’t matter how small it is, it will prove that you have managed to do something and as time goes on you will do a little more.
A lot of us talk to our loved ones as if they was still there with us. This brings comfort.
My heart goes out to you.

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