I lost my wife of 14 years back in September from Leukemia. She had Cancer treatment for her breast cancer the year before and was given a clean bill of health back in the start of this year. She suddenly became unwell and I took her into hospital. After a few days we were informed that she was being transferred to London as they feared she may have Leukemia which was confirmed in London. They did all they could but it was aggressive and took her the next day. She was my everything and I miss her dearly. I go through waves of emotions from one day to the next. Sometimes I am fine for days and then something sets me off and I can’t control the tears. What makes it harder is that I have to take care of our kids still and work and it’s all a bit much somedays. I am hoping being able to vent on here and I am seeking counselling as well. I just feel like I take one step forward and 3 steps back all the time. Can anyone relate?
I’m so sorry for your loss 
. You’ll find lots of support here, so many going through the same awful time. I lost my husband 6mths ago, to cancer, after a very short diagnosis, he was only 54, and that of course, means carrying on, running everything, alone. It does get easier, promise, one very small step at a time. And yes, one step forward, three back, but one day it starts to feel a little different 
@Hoggy1 Thank you for your kind words. I am struggling more than I thought I was previously. I think maybe it’s all catching up with me. I now seem to have a very short temper( which is quite unlike me) and the stress of everything is getting me down. I hope you are right and it gets easier but I hope that’s sooner rather than later.
Sorry - I know how you feel, I lost my wife in August this year after long illness from Cancer. No words can describe how you feel. Ups and downs are normal I suppose and take comfort in the fact that you are not alone with these feelings…there’s always someone here to talk to y friend…
I find the emotions to be a huge roller coaster, i was angry for a while too, i guess a couple of months in, but it does pass, honestly. I didn’t think I’d be as strong as i am, but I’m still here, and getting stronger. You will get there 
@Pearsons66 I am sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to deal with the long road if cancer on top of them losing your loved one. I feel guilty a lot about it as well as the grief
@Hoggy1 The term roller coaster is spot on as one moment I am ok and the next I am beside myself. I guess good days and bad days are normal but on top of all the stress of being both parents to my kids now when I have a bad day it makes the world seem impossible.
It won’t always feel that way, i promise. Small comfort right now, but this is a long and arduous road, but one which does get easier with every step. You probably won’t notice when things begin to get better but one day, you will suddenly realise that you are indeed coping, and well
always a balancing act—handling the moments of heartache, in between the happiness of the holidays.
And that’s what I want you to remember—grief and happiness can coexist.
It’s OK to be sad this time of year, even though you have so much to be thankful for.
It’s OK to say no to a ‘get together’ because it brings up memories of a loved one.
And it’s OK to cry. No one should ever tell you how to grieve, even if it’s years down the road.