I lost my wife 3 weeks ago, she was cremated on Monday. We were together for 19 years. We were a very insular family, it was just the 3 of us, me, wife and son, who is now 18. He’s leaving for uni on Saturday so i’ll be alone for the first time in 19 years. She had a heart attack, went into hospital, and died overnight, she was just 58. I really don’t know how i’m going to cope. I’m not crying continually any more, but its tough. I’ve started talking to her, asking her when she’s coming back, telling her i miss her, telling her i love her. I’m so sad, so lost.
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Hello Zani, im so sorry for the loss of your wife, .i lost my husband in march , we were married for 35 years…he had been sick for awhile but never expected him to pass away when he did..i was left all alone as my adult children had already moved away..but my son moved back in with me ..im very grateful for him..i hope your son does well in school, it must be hard on him too, ..i hope you have support around you, we all need someone to talk to, or join a bereavement group, or counseling. It helps to talk about your pain ..i hope posting here helps you as well…we have all lost a loved one here. We understand what you’re going through, take care and God bless you 
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very sorry, are you having your wife’s ashes at home,for me it helps others don’t say it helps them to move on,but if I did that I’d be down the cemetery all day every day its hard mine had a cardiac arrest new years day died a week later you are not alone,
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Thank you both for your kind words.
My life has been turned upside down.
I can’t remember a time before her, so now there is such a big hole at all times.
I’ve started sorting through her things, all of her possessions have a memory for me, so it’s hard not to well up.
I’m going to move to the same city as my son as soon as practical.
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So sorry Zani for your heartache i lost my wife Jackie in December after 63 years of marriage the pain is unbearable we like yourself were together everywhere we when 9 months on with the help of the lovely people on this site i was starting to accept be ing on my own a little ,then I lost my faithful dog Daisy this week and I am now back in December.i think what I am trying to say is reach out to people on here we all are having terrible pain for the loved ones we have lost ,dont be alone reach out you will get support in your all consuming grief..we are all in it together. Regards Dave
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@Zani
I’m so very sorry for you on the loss of your wife.
It’s not an easy time for you and your son is off to uni with the cloud of losing his mum hanging over him but he will make new friends and his studies will help him to move forward
You have found a good forum here with people who have all lost their loved ones and it really does help that we all know what you are going through all of us at various stages on this horrible journey but all starting at the same place, feeling the same feelings.
I’m 18 months in from losing John suddenly and totally unexpectedly.
Honestly the most horrendous time of my life and I wanted to just go to him but over time n with the help of reading others stories on here I have now slowly come to terms with the loss, I don’t like or want it but I’ve come to terms.
I cry occasionally, probably weekly but not the heart wrenching sobbing, he’s in my thoughts constantly from the moment I open my eyes to closing them at night but in between I do smile n laugh with family n friends who are so very important on this journey.
If friends back off then you reach out to them. Sometimes people just don’t know how to help so we have to ask and they will be there for you if they’re good genuine friends.
Just now everything very raw for you so keep writing on here because people will respond and try n help..
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Dave, I’m sorry for the loss of your pet. Our family pet is a hamster, we bought one for our son aged 8 and he loved Stripey so much we kept buying more, they are adorable, live in a giant house and get lots of attention, but they die every 2-3 years. Our last hamster, i can’t buy any more now, is called Biscuit, she’s lovely, but i dread the day her time comes.
For what its worth my name on here “Zani”, is that of our third hamster, my real name is Anthony,
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Mtzi, thank you for your kind comments, i’m glad you’re still here. I’m crying less now, but still 3-4 times a day, and i well up a lot more often, like now. I’m taking my son to Nottingham tomorrow, he’s an only child and was cherished by the both of us, i’ll miss him awfully, but he needs to make his own life, and i’ll still see him regularly when i move there myself. There isn’t much left for me here now, so i will try to go soon, and i’ll also go up there and stay in hotels etc.
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Sorry for your loss Anthony, like others have said I feel the same pain , keep using this support group I’ve found the fellow sufferer’s words of support huge comfort as only someone who has experienced it knows you’re pain , take care
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Thank you Chad, i think i’ll stay on the forum, it will help i’m sure.
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I am so sorry for your loss and your words resonate with me as I lost my dear wife nearly two months ago and I speak to her daily. Sometimes out loud but also in my mind. Also her death was unexpected , although I still don’t know the cause as the coroner is investigating.
It is so hard losing your precious partner and the rawness of your grief must be overwhelming. Everyone grieves differently as I still cry and feel numb and unmotivated to do anything. You are grieving the only way you know how and need the space and time to start to heal mind and body. Life is different and difficult but there is a strength in your words that I admire. However, you don’t have to strong you have to grieve. My beautiful daughter who is grieving the loss of her Mum terribly is sad but I see in her the fighting spirit of my wife, and I am reminded how hard my wife fought for life through awful illnesses and treatments.
Give yourself time and please get through each day as best you can.
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Thank you for your kind words. My wifes death was totally unexpected, she was here one moment and gone the next, all of those thousands of days making memories and routines are gone.
My son is holding up better than me. As an only child he was taught to be joyful, and kept away from most of the stresses of the world, so he appears ok, and is looking forward to uni. He just won’t know what he’s missing out on, shed have doted on him for another couple of decades, looking after his kids (he’s not got any yet) etc. You can’t replace a good mother.
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I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, your suffering, Anthony. Please stay with this supportive community. It has been a life saver for me. Plus, my doctor has helped me with medication. Thinking of you. Bonnie.
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Hi and sorry for your loss. Grief is awful, It must be really hard for your son too, just starting university. Sorting through your wife’s belongings will be hard so soon after her death but I suppose you have to be organised if you want to move. I’m almost a year down the line after my partner’s sudden death and I haven’t been able to let anything go yet. Just shredding his paperwork has been heartbreaking. It takes a long time before you will feel any “better”. But keep posting on this site, it’s been very comforting for me. Take care.
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Thank you. I will stay, because of all the kind people like yourself.
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Thanks for your message, i’ve never experienced grief like this, it is truly heart breaking.
I’m very close to my son, so its best i tough out the move as soon as practical, he’ll help me through. But sorting her possessions is making things tougher at the moment.
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I’ve just been to the crematorium to collect her ashes. When i collected them i was crying, and i’m struggling to stop now.
They’re sat next to the hamster, she’d like being there, she loved Biscuit. I’m not going to scatter the ashes, we’ll be keeping them.
I don’t know what to say now, i’m numb.
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Anthony it’s so so heartbreaking what we all have to go through ,sorting possessions bring back so many memories ,but dont be too hasty ,I still get lots of good memories from keeping some of Jackie’s favourite belongings.collecting the ashes is unbelievably upsetting and the tears never stop ,it’s a lovely thing having your wife’s ashes near to biscuit.the overpowering sorrow and numbness are awfull.i still cry every day and every night,I hope you can find some peace and comfort Anthony,keep posting i find it helps me through these dark times. .regards Dave
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Oh Zani, I understand, I was crying also when I picked up my husband’s ashes. I kept him at home for awhile..my mother in-law passed away last year, her ashes are in the cemetery, its a section for cremation only, and my husband at the time told me he wanted to be next to his mom when he passed. I didn’t think it would be this soon. So I honored his wishes…
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So sorry to hear about your wife Antony it’s terribly difficult to pick up the ashes of your loved one. I am glad you are going to be close to your son, I’m sure it will be a great help for both of you. I hope you find some solace here where everyone understands the pain of a bereavement
Wishing you all the best Tom
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