@GriffDoberman45 your story is almost exactly the same as mine. My wife passed away at 50 from aggressive Cancer diagnosis to death 6 weeks in 2021. I am 55! I can’t lie and say it’s easy, but you will find the strength to live with your grief. It was explained to me like a circle with the centre being the rawest part, but gradually that circle expands as you find ways to cope. It’s not easy, and I miss my Rachel like mad, but my two dogs keep me going as do my friends, there are images I will never shake off though, but keep going you know deep down she would want you too. Sending you strength at what is a really crap time. Always here to listen buddy. Russ
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@Rusty54
I am so Sorry to hear that you are also suffering as the rest of us are. 6 weeks is a devastatingly short time to be able to adjust to the horrors of Cancer. I too have mental images from my Wife’s Cancer battle that will never leave me & have changed me as a person forever.
I am also 55, my Wife Anna was only 51 so still relatively too young to be taken from me in such a manner.
My Daughter sent me an image depicting your explanation of grief & as you said it shows grief as a circle, early on the circle is quite big, as time progresses the circle appears to become smaller however it stays the same size, it’s just that everything else around it gets bigger meaning your grief becomes less all consuming as your journey through grief goes on.
I’m only 9 weeks into my grief journey & suffer some horrendously bad days yet some others not as bad.
I am scheduled to see a grief counsellor in the New Year as it’s something my Anna would have wanted me to try. Once upon a time i would have never seen myself going down that path but at this moment in time I’m open to trying anything that might help ease the pain. I have no Family other than my Son & Daughter who are experiencing the same loss as i so having someone to talk to has been difficult for me.
Very decent of you to offer an ear to @GriffDoberman45 though mate, we all need to vent to someone.
Take care fella x 
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@VillaBoy22, we are all in such a dreadful boat we’d never of dreamt we’d be sailing in. I had to wait 7 months for my Counselling to start and thank Godiva found this group. The counselling did help, but of course there are no answers. I still cry at the most irrational of things and that was it, grief is irrational ! Like you I have been responsive to anything but I really have to push myself. Been learning Tai Chi which is bizarrely good. I hope you find your Counselling helps and I can only share my experience which I’m always happy to do for anyone. Keep strong mate.
Hi Russ, thank you for your response, I have had some excellent advice off people like yourself, thank you. I am 5 weeks in since Sharon’s passing. I have been to see a councillor 3 times which has helped me. I had the counselling before Christmas. I have had a terrible time over Christmas I cant get Sharon out of my mind. I am getting flashbacks of 20 years of good times. Everything I do triggers new images is this normal or I am I stuck in grief? I have passed through the what if stage and I am not as angry shouting in the mornings. Lucky I have two large dogs that sit next to me on the sofa to give me some comfort at night. I have done some difficult things over the years. But this is by far the worst thing I have ever experienced. I have read from other users that I will be a changed person when I eventually are healed. I am scared what the future will bring as I do not want to live alone for the rest of my life. Thank you for listening.
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@GriffDoberman45 thats lucky you’ve had counselling so soon. I know I have changed, as such a large part of me has gone. We were also Married for nearly 20 years and all I can do is cherish the things we did and places we went, luckier than most. Like having Rachel with me when I received the Freedom of the City of London. No one can ever take away those special times we had together. Although I have great friends and family it is still no replacement for the loneliness that I think everyone feels. I know I have a mask that I wear in public, but inside I am left with my thoughts and what should have been a future together, let’s hope Sharon and Rachel will meet up and have a good gossip about us. Russ
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@GriffDoberman45 i am so sorry to read about your loss of your wife Sharon. I lost my husband a week before Christmas last year very suddenly and unexpectedly. Went to work on the Saturday and got a phone call from my son on the Sunday to say that dad had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. I did CPR until the paramedics arrived. He was 53 years old and died of a massive rear saddle pulmonary embolism and undiagnosed kidney cancer. We had no idea. My husband had lost weight but didn’t notice his weight loss until I looked at our pictures of our 25th wedding anniversary holiday which was 3 months before. The first few months I was in complete shock and numb. I kept questioning why him, why us. Life is indeed unfair and cruel. We have been robbed of our future plans and dreams. The best advice I got was to take one hour at a time and to not look into the future as the future isn’t here yet and we can’t control the future like we couldn’t control the past. I never mask my grief and always honest with friends. I cry and scream often which is a great help. I try and keep busy as a distraction works for me while always thinking of my husband and missing him like crazy. At first I didn’t want to live then I remembered that my husband never got a chance or a choice and he would be angry with me if I killed myself. A year on the rawness of the early days have gone, though I still cry and find it difficult with all the firsts though the build up is much worse than the day itself. Grief is such a roller coaster with massive waves. Keep reaching out on here and be kind to yourself. Big hugs and take care xx
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Hi I’m so sorry for the loss of your wonderful wife,Sharon. My Mark passed away in November aged 53, I am 52. His diagnosis came in January, we had been together 13 1/2 years but married only 5 weeks. I feel exactly like you do. Why us, how will I live without him, what is the point of carrying on. It is a struggle to get up some mornings, but I have my dog so I have to get up and carry on as she is missing her dad too. Keep going Griff, I know it’s absolutely hell at times but with support we can all keep going. Take care
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Hi Russ, I was lucky to get my counselling so fast. I went to the doctors in such a mess she referred me to my local Hospice counsellor. I had to wait a couple of weeks so they fit me in. She is very good after each session I can feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders. She did give me some tips to get through Xmas unfortunately I found it so difficult to deal with Xmas so close to Sharon passing that everything went out of the window. My Doberman Xena (Sharon trained her to gold standard crufts) and my bull terrier Princes (not so well trained) are on the sofa with me every night which is a great comfort if it hadn’t been for these dogs I know I would have taken my own life when Sharon passed. I owe them both my life. I am impressed you have the Freedom of the City of London it was nice for Rachel to be with you and a super memory of you both enjoying life together. I think Rachel and Sharon will definitely meet up for a coffee and a chat about us. Thank you Russ for your support you have definitely made a difference to my thinking. Mark.
Hi Hazel I have just read your story I am sorry for your very sad loss. I think Life is so unfair and only seems to take the good ones at such an early age. like you I shout a lot in the mornings similar to you why us, why him. It has completely wrecked our future we had planned together as we were both set to retire next year. I like the advice you have given about the future and the past this one thing that worries me and causes me a lot of distress when added to the grief. Thank you Hazel for your very positive comments this has helped me out a lot I know a bit more about what to expect on my journey. Big hugs to you as well and take care. Mark.
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@GriffDoberman45 thank you for your reply and kind words. Losing your spouse is the hardest loss of your entire life as your family is part of your life but your spouse is your whole life who you chose to spend your life with. It is so hard as I had so many plans for the future with my husband but sadly it will never happen. Like I said take one hour at a time and don’t look too far into the future. Always here for you xx
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Hi Haggis, I am also called Mark. I am very sorry to hear about his passing. I think it is the shock that they have gone and will not be coming back to us. The mornings are definitely the worst for me like you I struggle to get out of bed. We have hens so they need to be let out, fed and cleaned which is a big job in itself. I do get pretty angry at this time of the morning and like to punch the shed door a few times to let the anger out followed by shouting why us, why Sharon. The dogs are definitely missing Sharon a couple of weeks ago they started to get very aggressive with other dogs in the park. Luckily they have now clamed down. I was very lucky to have 3 counselling sessions before Xmas arranged by my doctor (I was a complete mess when I went to the doctors as I planned to take my own life to be with Sharon) The councillor has definitely helped me to get away from my dark thoughts and has cleared up a lot of loose ends I was very worried about. This website is full of excellent information from people who are further down the grief ladder and I find talking with people and getting things off your chest definitely helps. Big hugs and look after yourself. Mark.
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I couldn’t agree more I have lost my best friend, my soul mate and my lovely wife in one go she was everything to me. Like you we had so many plans for the future and planned to retire next year in fact the documentation for retirement dropped through the door on the Saturday on the Friday before the oncologist broke it to us both no more could be done to save Sharon. That is how cruel life can be. I find myself being very jealous of every happy couple I see as that used to be me and Sharon. I will take your good advice and take one hour at a time and I wont look far into the future. Mark.
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@GriffDoberman45 before I go off to bed I used to be jealous of other couples then I thought…I don’t know what is behind their story, they could be dying from a terminal illness or be on their second relationship after losing a spouse. You will find in time that you will not even notice them and will be able to ignore them and be numb to them. I hope you have some sleep as grief is so exhausting. Big hugs and night night xx
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Hi Mark, the feelings you’re having certainly resonate with me. But I’m now two and half years on from losing my partner. I tried counselling, but they were only able to offer a trainee- months away- and only online. I’m sure I would have benefited from it if it were more available. I didn’t know about this community and think I would have found it very useful. I think about my partner every day- the life we had- the things we’d planned- now all taken away. It’s not a situation I ever imagined being in. It has affected my work and my other friendships and relationships too. So everything seems new. And in middle age it can feel hard to be right back at the drawing board. You ask yourself questions- will I be on my own for the rest of my life? Is this how it is going to be? Many people have kids and grandchildren to help them though this period- but I didn’t. So I considered adoption for a while- I wanted to do something positive and something new, I think. But the process was so complex and then I thought- at 55- did I really want to be a first time parent? Then a friend of mine who was more recently bereaved than me said he’d started online dating. This surprised me as he was so upset by his bereavement. But he encouraged me to give it a go. And- very much to my own surprise- I did. It makes you feel very vulnerable and a bit like a kid again, but I did try it. And though there were many people who just weren’t serious- and, it is true- a couple of people put off by the notion of dating a widower- eventually- after a few weeks, I met a couple of nice people. Then I went to meet one of them. And then we did get together. That was a year ago now. It hasn’t been easy- for either of us. The memories of my past relationship loom very large. ‘There are three people in this relationship’ as Princess Di said. It will never, ever be the same. And I still miss the relationship I once loved being in but know I can’t have. But I just wanted to let you know that you can find another life, and build a different future. It’s not easy. But it is possible.
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Hi, Thank you for your reply. It is nice to hear you have got together with someone new and it is going well for you. I think it is important for your new partner to understand you need to love two people in your life. It is good to know that you can find another life and build a different future. As a matter of interest which online dating site did you find the best? if I decide in the future to go down this route.
That is a very interesting outlook on things. I will take this into account next time I see some happy couples I am sure I will be less jealous now. Thank you.
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Hi Villaboy, is this because you are an Aston Villa fan because my husband was. I understand what you are going through as I have just finished the first anniversaries of everything as I lost my husband of nearly 50 years in December 2022, no time is ever good but this time of year is even worse. People say it gets easier, but when ??? Take care and keep on fighting even though it’s very hard too. X
@Purple57
Yes you are correct, i certainly am an Aston Villa fan, i have been a Season ticket holder for over 40 years. I am very Sorry to hear that you lost your beloved Husband just over a year ago.
I agree there is never a good time but coming toward Christmas is the worst time. I don’t for one second believe that it ever gets easier, i can’t ever imagine that i won’t always feel the way i do now after losing my darling Wife Anna, my Soulmate & best friend of 31 years.
I’ve heard all the " Time is a great healer " rubbish, that has to be from people who have never experienced this level of grief. I sit every day asking " Why " knowing deep down that I’ll never get an answer to that question.
All i have left now are memories & it terrifies me that one day i will lose those memories. The sense of emptiness is overwhelming, like something i never imagined i could feel.
I just take each hour as it comes hoping & wishing for some kind of sign that she knows i am here aching to have her back with me.
I doubt this feeling will ever leave me, it’s what the people left behind have to suffer.
I wish you well for the New Year.
Take care of yourself xx 
Derek.
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Hi Villa boy, so you are the other fan then. Yes Richard was a villa fan all his life as that’s where he was brought up the early part of his life, then his mother moved to Cornwall and that’s where we met as I am Cornish. I first saw Richard when I was 11 and straight away I thought I really like you and was determined to get him. As they say here siga siga, slowly slowly but it is horrendous being without him and no I don’t think I will ever heal. I also sit every day and think why? He was such a good, lovely, kind, do anything for anyone person and when you think of all the evil barstewards out there it really isn’t fair. Something else I have found this year is who your true family and friends are. Good luck to you and all we can do is stay strong, even though it’s not that easy. Wish you well too. Julie 
@Purple57
Your Richard sounds like a Wonderful fella & I’m glad you persevered & got your man as they say. I agree with your Family & Friends assessment, i have no Family of my own left other than my Son and Daughter, so over the years Anna’s family became my Family also, i must say over the 31 years we were together i was never too keen on her Mom, she was always a very cold, emotionless woman, her Dad was alright i suppose. Anyways when my Anna was first diagnosed her first thoughts were for our Children and her parents, how to break the news to them. Neither her Parents or her 2 brothers made the effort to visit her in Hospital when she was admitted for what turned out to be the final time, around 5 weeks before she passed, not until my Son visited them & told them both they were a disgrace & that it was shameful how they were treating his Mom. They decided to turn up one Sunday following that for half an hour, that’s all the time she was worth to them. There has been other shocking behaviour from them also that just isn’t what you’d expect from Parents, I’ve heard not a word from any of her family since Anna’s Funeral last month, her Dad made a comment to my Daughter over Christmas saying he wanted to ask me for some of Anna’s ashes to have an item of jewellery made for her Mom, I’ll let you guess what my response to that will be if he ever does. I am cutting all ties with them going forward. So yes some people are completely devoid of any empathy & i can do without them in my life making the grief process more difficult.
Look after yourself Julie x 
Derek