I lost my wife Sharon to cancer this November. she was 53 I am 54. We have been married for 20 years. We had a magical relationship that we thought would last until old age. We planned to both retire next year and start to open an animal sanctuary for injured and abandoned animals. we already care for many animals already. Sharon’s death was very sudden as the cancer was very aggressive. I cannot live without her. I have had some very dark thoughts about taking my own life to be with her, but I know she would be mad at me for leaving all our animals alone. Every day I am in tears and thinking about Sharon as I loved her so much. Every morning I wake up and hope it has all been a bad dream. I have no family that I can talk to as they are so old. My friends and neighbours are the only people I can talk to. They have been very good to me. We had made plans to go to different places over the Christmas break. Everyday I think what should we be doing together which makes me very depressed and wanting Sharon more. I have been very angry with myself asking the question. Why has Sharon been taken why me? I see happy couples walking along the street I am so jealous as that used to be me. The grief has taken over my life. I need to push myself to do anything including washing and eating. I find it very hard to look after the animals we have. I just don’t know how I can carry on for much longer.
Hi, please hold on, please. I really resonate with you. My husband was only 54, ill in march, gone in may, cancer. It has been horrendous. If it weren’t for our beloved dogs, i would have joined him, no question. His biggest fear, that i couldn’t cope without him. And i absolutely thought that i couldn’t. But, i have to, our dogs, they are our family, are grieving too, not just me, life goes on. I am just 7mths in, it is horrific, but it is getting easier, and suddenly i am determined to live, and help others, animals and human. I have time here still, maybe a lot of time, there are good things to be done, you are so valuable, you can help those in need, and by doing so, heal yourself a little. Please stay strong 
I know exactly what you’re feeling. Lost my husband in August after an 11 month battle with bowel cancer. I’m still stunned tbh. I’ve cried in the middle of primark because his fav xmas song came on. I’ve cried on the beach when I saw a couple hand in hand. Sometimes im ashamed to admit, I find myself being jealous of my children who are all in relationships. Feels like " what did I ever do so wrong to be made to feel so heartbroken "
@GriffDoberman45 I can feel your heart ache and sorrow so clearly in your words =( your wife clearly meant, and still means the whole world to you. I am also an animal lover through and through with many rescue animals, and have a very similar plan/dream in the future to open a rescue. What a beautiful human your wife must have been, as are you. I lost my Dad to a painful battle with Cancer this November too. It’s nothing but cruel and devastating watching my mum suffer the loss and feelings of extreme loniness, whilst navagating my own agony in losing my best friend and guardian in such a heart-crushing way. They have been snatched from us before their time, leaving us to mourn all the good times they should have had in the future. I have read from others on here that we learn to grow around our grief, even though it never leaves. Please keep coming on here and sharing your thoughts. Keep reading others experiences and message any of us any time of the day if you need an ear that understands your agony. We do, we always will, and we are here for you just a message away. Stay in touch x
Hi, thank you for your kind words. I am in a much better place this evening having read words of encouragement. I am sorry to hear about your husband its just not right that people should go at such a young age. It only seems to be the good people with kind hearts that have so much to offer are taken early from us. I am glad to hear it is getting easier for you. I cant wait until I reach that point at the moment it is one big up hill struggle many a time I have hit a brick wall which sets me back. It would be nice to getting back to some normal so I can continue to care for animals and start healing myself.
Sorry for your sad loss. I have also cried in shops as I see items Sharon liked. I broke down in Tesco last week as I spotted the same doggy Christmas card I had bought her the previous Christmas when she was alive and well. I will never understand why good honest kind loving people have their lives shattered when horrible nasty people never get touched. It just doesn’t seem fair at all.
Thank you for your reply. Sharon was the biggest animal rescue person I have ever met. When we went to Krakow a couple of years back, Sharon insisted we went to the local cat rescue to see the cats. Everywhere we went she was helping other people and animals. I don’t understand why such a good person was taken away at such a young age. I am looking forward to when the grief and pain will not be so intense. I sleep ok until about 6am I dread this time of the morning as I have all sorts of thoughts about Sharon which leads to me been very angry and becoming depressed. I just cant believe I will never see her again. Her voice, touch, smell, laughter and happy smile. This makes me so sad. All my other friends are happily married I am so so jealous of them. However after reading comments on here I am not alone and happy people actually care and spend time replying and adding positive comments. I Know people on the outside world can offer advice but some of them have never experienced intense grief. I have learnt so much from this site with kind people such as yourself and others that have offered from the heart advice. I am going to leave those dark thoughts behind and try to move on through the fog best I can.
Dear Griff, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss and I understand the devastation you feel. Like you, when I saw people happily together, I couldn’t stand it. How can they blithely just live happily on whilst I was in despair. But that is very much the rawness of emotion. You get less sensitive to that as time wears on. My partner died at 55- way too early- from a swift acting cancer. All I can say to you is that that was 2.5 years ago now- and I’m still here. I did think that I had lost everything- even my purpose in life. But Sharon would want you to carry on- to do the work you both planned to do with animals. She would still want you to have a purpose in life. And it looks like she has left that legacy for you to carry on. So embrace that, start exploring it. I don’t think you will ever move on- I certainly haven’t. But you CAN move FORWARD. It seems a subtle difference, but there is a difference. You will have very down days- I have them less and less- but I still have them. But I comfort myself with the knowledge that I’ve had a wonderful relationship for twenty years. Most people don’t get to experience that at all. So I feel privileged to have had it. It IS sad- desperately sad. But would I change things and not met and had another less brilliant relationship for longer- if I had known the sad outcome? Absolutely not. Very soon it will be the new year, I think you should explore the projects you wanted to do- and make them happen. Then it will feel like you are doing what you both always wanted to do. And, in some way, her energy and care is till with you- making it all happen.
Thank you Ianri for your kind words. I have decided I no longer want to end my life but carry on as Sharon would have wanted. Like you my 20 years with Sharon was amazing I agree most people don’t get to experience that at all. I am going to move forward and see what happens in the future. I have so much more to give in the time I have left before I meet up with Sharon again. When I do meet up she will be proud with all the continued work I have done with the animals.
The tragic and brutal truth is that your story about the loss of your loved one,the pain that this brings and the feelings that you have experienced so far will resonate with every single person on here to one degree or another.
My wife passed away six months ago,she was given 6 to 8 weeks survival due to acute myeloid leukemia and managed to live 7 weeks with the last week in the hospice.(you will know it as St Davids in Llandudno,) Since then I found that during the first 2 weeks I seriously contemplated walking into the sea,twice I stood on the bottom two steps feeling the most horrendous pain and twice I didn’t take those steps.
Today I decided to drive and sit on the Gt Orme,(you will know it,) and with the strong wind blowing I just screamed why me ? why us ? what did we do wrong ? For years while we lived in Spain my wife provided counselling to the relatives of those who had cancer and were in the hospice in Malaga on end of life care so my bizare thinking is that we were good people so why us ? I did lots of work for different charities in Spain,one being an animal sanctuary so again why us ? That isn’t how life works as I have no doubt you know.
There are lots of harsh realities coming down the line on this long painful journey that you didn’t choose to take,coping will be about literally taking small steps,living minutes and hours at a time,one day feeling half okay and thinking things are getting better and then one hour later something comes to mind about Sharon and and what happened with me this morning will happen to you,( my memory this morning was as simple as thinking about us shopping in Tesco in Trearddur Bay,one of our last holidays as with Jackie’s cancer we couldn’t go abroad,) so you see ! I manage to survive Xmas and Boxing day reasonably well but the grief was just waiting and hiding away ready to strike and it did.
In your first post you mention having to push yourself to do anything but once again I have to say that this is normal,other times the grief will leave you feeling exhausted so this period is really about being kind to yourself and protecting you first.
I am genuinely sorry to hear about your loss. I have little doubt that you will read comments or suggestions from those of us on here who can relate to you as to how you can get by but again your journey is specific to you and you will find your own way,it will just take time.
Bereavement,grieving isn’t a lateral process,whatever your twists and turns I wish you strength.
Dear Miker, I’m so sorry to hear about your terrible loss. I’ve had that feeling too- ‘why us?’ You feel helpless and hopeless. But you have done amazingly well to get through Christmas. That’s a big step into the future, hard as it may seem now. Screaming into the wind sounds like a really good way of getting out the pain you feel. Someone once told me that crying is just getting the pain out- which I found helpful. You literally weep out the painful feelings. I’m sending you all the best wishes and strength and hoping you can get through the new year. You just have to keep putting one step in front of the other at this stage. Then, without realising it, that becomes a walk- and that can be the beginning of a new journey. Not one that you expected or wanted- but a new one all the same.
Thank you for your response and yes I completely agree with your comments.
I am in the early stages of trying to collect the many positives of having loved such a special lady and using them to comfort myself,not quite got the hang of it but hopefully I will.
Reading the comments from those such as you provides hope without using false promises and I appreciate that.
Firstly sorry to hear about your sad loss. Cancer is so horrible Sharon had battled it for three years having treatment in Liverpool and Glan Clwyd. This time last year we were up the mountain doing 8 mile hikes with the dogs she loved her Christmas walks. I just cant believe she has gone this year . Like you I have been shouting very loudly. For me it is every morning which seems to be the worst time of the day for me. I feel the shouting does calm me down afterwards. I hate the flashbacks from small triggers. I was in Tesco before and I walked past the Christmas cards this sent me flashbacks of Sharon last Christmas laughing and joking with me. I just burst into tears in the middle of Tesco. I had a terrible Christmas and boxing day the worst on record for me. Every night before I go to bed I feel like I have been beaten around the head. I have read lots of comments from caring people such as yourself it has started to give me some hope I will get through this. Thank you.
Hi Griff,
I’m so glad that you are feeling more positive today. I too lost my husband recently. He passed in late October at 53. He had a long battle with cancer.
Christmas was extremely difficult, but we made it through. Someone mentioned the word perseverance to me today and it resonated with me. We need to persevere and do our best. Some days just making it through the day is enough.
Thank you also to all who commented on this post. Your kind words helped a lot of us here 
@GriffDoberman45
I too lost my Wife of 31 years Anna at the beginning of November following a 16 month battle with Cancer. I find myself feeling all the things you have said although i have not had the dark feelings you mention.
I know my Anna would be raging at me if i let those thoughts overwhelm me after losing her. I have a Son, a Daughter & two beautiful Grandchildren & know that she would want me to focus my attention on helping to give them the best life possible as she was forever spoiling them as Grandparents do.
I am desperately sorry to hear that you have found yourself in a similar position to myself but i urge you to try to look for something positive to focus on, you need to carry on your work for those poor animals because that’s what your Sharon would want. Make her proud of you instead of making her angry.
You are clearly a good person with a good heart, please stay strong & continue what you have started xx
Hi Librarychick sorry to hear about the sad loss of your husband. I am not so good today. I have been having flash backs all morning of my beautiful wife Sharon I feel so alone today and very upset when I think I will never see Sharon again. I have been strong since her passing however things seem to be getting harder not easier for me. Perseverance does resonate with me however I am that sad I do not think I can persevere any more. I don’t know how I can move on from this which is worrying as I want to feel happy again.
Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry to hear about Anna. Its just so unfair why our beautiful wife’s have been taken from us. I am really struggling today to focus on anything. I have fed everyone this morning and took the dogs out. I am back home now thinking of Sharon. We would be off work this week and I know that we would be going for mountain walks together and then on Friday we would go to Chester for a lovely day out of shopping (we both loved shopping) and a few drinks in some high end pubs those happy times have been taken from me. I don’t know how I am going to carry on without her it makes me so sad I will never see her again. I am finding it very hard to stay strong. I want Sharon back in my life I am finding it difficult to come to terms that this will never happen. I am on my second month without her and the grief seems to be getting more difficult than easier. I am just worried what the future is for me. I used to dress well and really look after myself I looked at myself in the mirror today I look like a different person. its funny because the animals I have are still getting the best care from me. Christmas day I didn’t have any presents as Sharon used to buy me a lot. I bought the animals presents so they had a good Christmas. The dark thoughts have gone but I think if the pain continues they will come back.
@GriffDoberman45
I too so much want my Anna back, she was my whole world. 31 years with someone is a long time, we raised two beautiful children & have two gorgeous Granddaughters who absolutely idolised my Anna. Towards the end of Anna’s battle with Cancer we had some wonderful help from a Hospice local to us & their staff came out 3 times a day a cared amazingly well for Anna in her final weeks. We ran an online fund in her memory & raised £1650 for the Hospice that is funded only by donations. She would have been tremendously proud that we have given something back for the care she received. Also i have been contacted by the Hospice’s specialist grief counselling team & I’m scheduled to see someone regarding this in the New Year. Please Please if you are struggling reach out to one of the many grief support groups that are available, don’t try to carry the burden of grief on your own. I know that my Anna knew that i would struggle after she passed & would have wanted me to seek some counselling to try to deal with the immense pain of losing her.
You are not on your own, there are people that can help you, however long that may take is down to the individual but please do some research & don’t be too proud to ask for help, your lovely Wife Sharon would want you to carry on with the plans you had for the animals you take care of. Stay Strong my friend.
[quote=“miker, post:10, topic:79017”]
I manage to survive Xmas and Boxing day reasonably well but the grief was just waiting and hiding away ready to strike and it did.
This from my previous response to you.
I am truly sorry to read your post to VillaBoy22 in which you say how bad you are feeling,I don’t have any answers or quick fixes but what is happening to you right now is a reflection of the love you feel for Sharon. It isn’t easy but you have to allow it in,accept it,the person you see in the mirror is someone in a lot of pain so the unshaven tired looking face is of little or no consequence,the real you will come back but not the you of Sharons time,we all return to a life we didn’t choose as a person that we don’t recognise but for sure we will have to grow around it.
I’m feeling much the same as you just now so I haven’t a clue why I know these things but it just helps talking about your pain rather than my own.
For you and me and everyone on here this is not going away,we cannot love someone the way we have and think that losing them will not be a journey of sadness and pain. I hope this spell passes soon.
Hi Griff,
Please reach out to the counselors here. This is such a hard time, to be at the beginning of our grief and the holidays too.
Sharon would want you to carry on. Please find someone to talk to <3