Dear who ever is reading this i lost my wife to covid19 just recently i am absolutely heart broken we been together for almost 25 years of happy marriage why why she died so upset feel alone feel sad every emotions possible i loved her so much . i walk a lot in the park each day i try and cope by going back to work i try i try so hard but its so sad here in this house on my own so upset cry most nights well every night its terrible was only aloud to see her twice in the time she was in ITU unit over Christmas
I am so sorry, there are no words that I can give you to make you feel better, losing someone is bad enough, but not spending precious time with them in their last days is unimaginable. I have only experienced grief for the first time recently, and it’s like no other experience ever, my life was turned upside down, so many people are suffering and this site has been a great help, knowing that other people understand what I’m going through reassures me that I’m not going mad. All I can say to you is that we are with you, I talk out loud to my loved one all the time, and believing they hear me gives me a little comfort. The fact you are up and out of the house is good, don’t push yourself about going back to work, everyone is different and there are no right and wrong ways when grieving, go easy on yourself, hopefully when restrictions ease we can get out and meet up with people in similar situations, surely there has to be some kind of support network for all the people who have been bereaved by covid. I wish you strength and peace, and I will keep you in my thoughts, keep coming on here and talk.
I also lost my wife to covid, it is the worst thing in my life, the pain is indescribable the images I see when I said good by cut me deep, she had good years in front of her but a pandemic came and destroyed my life, by taking hers it all happened November still cannot accept it, I go to work and put on that I am OK face but when I get home it hits me like a brick in the face, eye’s become sore with crying so yes what you are going through I can relate to.
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I lost my husband to Covid also in November.
Not being able to visit for the 10 days before he died and hold his hand to reassure him makes me feel so sad. Luckily we could face time and right up until the last day he was improving with talk of him leaving ITU and moving onto a normal covid ward to complete his recuperation.
Unfortunately he took a sudden turn for the worse over night and was put on a ventilator and died the same day.
It breaks my heart that I didn’t get to be with him before the ventilator and tell him I loved him. I worry how scared he must have been.
I was allowed with him for the last few hours and I only hope he could hear me talking to him and felt my presence.
Love to you all
Jacko25 I feel for you, I had exactly the same experience. My husband had covid and was being downgraded and took a turn for the worse. We were called to the hospital to sit with him but he was already sedated and ventilated. Every hour they took bloods and told us they were better than the previous hour. Then suddenly a dr approached and told us to say goodbye his heart was failing. They believed it to be a clot and they couldn’t help him.we’d been together since 16 (40 years). I’ve been doing things on automatic pilot, totally in shock and not sure how I’m managing it. I lost my mum in October, so am trying to help my dad through his grief and lonliness. Have a feeling reading other posts it’s going to be a long process.
Mike, please believe me I know exactly what you are going through, I lost my husband and best friend to Covid back in April last year. We were together for 30 years and everything you have said sums up exactly what I have gone through ever since. I walk every day just to get out of the house, but a lonely walk just lets the sadness and loneliness take over. I kiss his photo every morning and tell him how much I miss him and love him. My thoughts are with you and I totally understand what you are going through. I’m here if you want to talk. Jenny.
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I lost my husband to covid - clot to heart. Went to bed NY eve and he never woke up it was such a shock and I’m still suffering shock. I had decided to retire early last year and my son left us to buy a flat so I went from a hubby and son plus part time job to now nothing. Going mad can’t stop crying and at times can’t c the reason for anything but my son needs me on occasions so it keeps me going. But like you I wake up and wonder why!!! Hope time will help us Mike Take care
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Dear Mike I know only to well what you are going through. I lost my husband Peter to covid last April he went into hospital on the thurs had phone call Friday morning to say he had died I didn’t even get a chance to see him and say goodbye and,how much I loved him. Over a year later I still cry every morning when I wake up I miss him so much. Everyone on this website are here for you. Love jenny.
Dear Jen153
I am so sorry you find yourself on this most awful journey. I know the pain of not having the opportunity to say goodbye and to tell your loved ones that you love then. My husband died in different circumstances - I spoke to him three hours before the accident, never realising that would be our last conversation. I too cry every morning when I wake with tears flowing throughout the day. Its been 8 months and the pain is the same as the day the police told me he had died.
Like yourself I had known my husband for over 40 years. We were married 38. 2021 was supposed to be the year we started our retirement together.
Take care.
Dear Sheila. As you say it is an awful journey we are on. Have woken up early as usual and crying another lonely day. All the things peter and I were going to do this year I won’t be doing it wouldn’t be the same without him. Its the suddeness of his death that I can’t get my head around as in your case with your husband. Take care.
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Hi I know how you feel I lost my wife to covid January
I seem to do OK for a while then gref just gets me I cry and yell every day, meeting people is hard but it does help , going for walks is also helpful, I got myself an app with sounds of nature which helps a little when trying to sleep, talking to friends about her also helps,
I know your pain I lost my husband on 1janusry and I suffer terrible anxiety I have just retired snd my son left to buy a property so totally lost. I’m told time is our only hope. I wish you well and hope you manage the time!!! Life seems joyless I think at present snd I have to believe it gets better eventually.
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Hi G24 like you I seem to do ok for a few days then it suddenly hits me I won’t see peter again then I’m crying. I am lucky I have my children my youngest son takes me shopping every week and often go to my daughters for a meal. But they have there own lives to lead and they now think I should be feeling better by now but I don’t. The friends I had have seemed to drift away probably don’t know what to say to me. Take care.
Hi jen 153
It’s good that you have your children to support you
Friends I find take time I meet up just now and again with them for coffee etc, it’s going to take a long time
To learn to live with it,my cousin’s are very supportive
And realise that there’s no time limit on grief.
i’m just in that period after losing my Husband in January,of where everyone is back at work, including myself and less contact is being made from my sons and friends.Which is something I notice Jen mentions.I felt i’d done something wrong.
As is said, its silly things that kick the grief off.Not even important days.
I sobbed last Thursday because he wasn’t going voting with me.Not something I even saw as important in the past.
People tell me to get through a year and you’ll have passed all the markers.Not sure thats going to be true in present circumstances.
I lost my mum last October and dad is just starting to lean on and expect more of me, wants to eat together every Sunday,can I book a holiday for us both,I need you to do the bedding plants like Shane(my husband) did.
Not sure this is what I want in life,have spent a sleepless night turning it over.
I feel my grief is mine and I’m having a tough finding my path forward,as a 57 year old, not sure if my 85 year olds dad is the same.He keeps telling me what wonderful retirement they had together.
If nothing else its been good to put my feelings in words, thank you for all your posts that i take comfort from reading.
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It’s so hard just getting thru each day. The loneliness is awful. My stomach turns and brings anxiety all the time. We are in an awful club and we none of us wanted to join it. Take care and I hope you manage through it’s all we can expect
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Dear COpthorne. Yes it is so hard getting through each day. Went for a walk yesterday with my dogs to the bluebell Wood I used to go with peter I sat on the seat there and cried he would have loved to see all the bluebells out. I miss not being able to talk to him about things . As you say the loneliness is awful.
Hi there, just to reassure you, Hearing is the last of our senses to go - your husband would have most definitely heard you talking before he passed.
Deborah
Jacko25 - just to reassure you, Hearing is the last of our senses to go - your husband would have most definitely heard you talking before he passed.
Deborah