It’s been a rough couple years but after being together for almost 20 you start to feel like your marriage is invincible and you take the fights for granted because you somehow no you two will make it through and be just fine. That’s exactly what I thought, I figured if my wife was strong enough to put up with my stubborn , crazy, and no rule following self for this long well we are bulletproof. For about the last 2 and a half years things had been rough and it was lasting so much longer than any other issue or fight or disagreement we have had in the past . My wife was also starting to change and she was doing things that went against who we were and everything I have always been , she claimed it was maturing/growing but she was putting me down in front of my daughters about the one thing I always said I never wanted to fight about and that was money. I was in a car accident a year or so before me and my wife met and I broke my neck, back, both hips, crushed my tailbone, blood transfusions, bolts in my skull and some other things as well but by the time we had started dating and we’re about to get married I was getting checks every 6 months set up for 15 years and then a lump sum at the end of 15 years. Needless to say she was my everything she saved my life because I was a troubled person up to all sorts of no good and she came into my life not to stop me but to keep me grounded and that she did to an extent. So for 15 years I did everything I could , bought whatever we needed let her have access to everything single dollar to my name in the bank and also my untaxable revenue never questioned her never got mad about money never cared as long as she was happy . We were about to have our first daughter, bought a house moved in started out family me her and haven Stella just the three of us and my dog gotti and her dog I bought her ginger until we had our second daughter on the was built an addition on the house so we had more room and Sadie rain joined the family and for the next 8 years life was good around 7 years things started to change she started to turn more controlling and started getting angry about money tracking every dollar and getting mad at me on Christmas morning for spending money on her Christmas presents because she could have gotten them cheaper and things got worse little by little as the money got lower and lower not our paychecks just my accident money which was only supposed to be for me so I was actually amazed we had stretched it as far as we did until she started to put me down and call me names in front of my daughters , I begged her to stop I told her that the things she was saying over and over were making me feel funny about myself making me also think that she honestly thought these things about me , had she been hiding theses feelings the whole time ? Was she only there because I had a cushion or whatever you call it ? I hate money and she knows that I never made her feel beneath me or like she made less or her value was less and yet there I was being called a broke piece of sh*t , a loser, worthless, that she made more than I did , she had more money than I did, she could pay the bills by herself and that she wanted me to leave my house and my daughters. I told her she needed to stop and she needed to stop saying things like that in front of the girls because your ruining us what we have over money . She looked at me and continued on for the next 2 years and it wore me down and almost broke me hearing those things said about you from the person you have given everything too and that you love and need makes you feel so unwanted , paranoid, distant, lied to, set up and hurt. There are many many other things that went on but I don’t have the time to tell it all so I will sum up the end. Long story short she ending up trying to get restraining orders on me but there were no reasons I had never put my hands on her or really cussed at her but I did tell her that the way she was treating me was nothing abuse so I think she tried to switch things around and make everyone think it was me doing the things she had done to me because she then put her hands on me I went to get an emergency protective order for only 72 hours just to get the fighting to end after 2 years I was exhausted I wanted no one to get in trouble but I guess the majestrate felt a different way after hearing the story and filed charges for domestic assault which then made my wife very upset she filed for divorce and I had no idea the whole time her mom was coaching her trying to get me in trouble and thrown out of the house I was telling everyone for years that she was acting like someone I didn’t know someone I would not have married because if she had been this way when we met I would have stopped right then and there and said this won’t work we are two different people but that’s not the case she changed 17 years later and expected to force me to change or leave. So everytime I would get my wife to be just about ready to drop the divorce which I wouldn’t even get a lawyer to fight her lawyer because I knew once that happened we definitely weren’t fixing things and that’s all I wanted. Everytime she would say hold on and go call her mom or her friend and come back and not say a word about it again and I would have to start all over. This went on for 6 months in court she was trying to take our house and full custody of our daughters which was insane for one I don’t do courthouses or any of that she is well aware of that too and I wasn’t the kind of person who would ever take more than I deserve I’m not greedy and with her I’m always more than fair so she knew what she was doing was absolutely wrong . After months of this craziness and months of me doing everything could do to fix us and her doing nothing at all she started saying she wasn’t sleeping good and her heart was always pounding well I was scared to let me guard down because every time I did she was trying to do something or use something against me so I thought she was playing this out for court because she said it was my fault everything was all my fault so she had been to the doctors and I wasn’t asking why she went and her mom her friend and her wouldn’t tell me anything they just said stress and anxiety caused by me ? I was getting so upset I didn’t want these people in my home or my life but in court because she didn’t remind me and she knew I forget things she snuck off to court and I didn’t realize it right away and I showed up 10 minutes late and the judge awarded her use of the house and the girls until the divorce was finalized and over so now she was actually showing me that I could never let my guard down and that she was able to follow through with all of this that she didn’t want to be with me anymore and that she didn’t care. But she was getting worse and worse and saying that she still wasn’t sleeping and that none of this is what she wanted . I’m a shipyard sheetmetal fabricator welder and artist and all I do is fix things for everybody I can I enjoy that but this problem I couldn’t find a way to fix my wife and did everything I fought I apologized and talked I helped I tried to fix things that I didn’t even know why I was fixing to try and keep our world together and by this time she had stopped going to work because she had to go to a class every day well for 6 days a week and 6 hours a day and I was still begging her to tell me why she was there I said I needed know what I’m up against for me and the girls but all I got was the same answer from them all it was my fault . I was crushed I didn’t know what I was doing or who I was even talking to anymore all I knew is that she was no longer the person I married but everytime I looked at her all I saw was the person I married and I couldn’t leave or let go even though she treated me like crap I still needed her and deep down in my heart I knew we would be ok we would make it out alive we were stronger than anyone else’s manipulation. I didn’t know I was fighting her mother and her friend at the time I was so focused on not losing my wife and running though all of the things I have done in the past to make her snap out of this whatever it was she was stuck on. And one day she stayed home from class I said aren’t you going to get in trouble she said we are allowed to have sick days , so I thought well maybe she’s right I don’t want to argue I won’t pry and I was supposed to take my oldest to her friends to start the night and then drop my youngest off at a birthday party also to stay the night. She asked me if I was taking them both and I said yes why would you like to take them ? Because for the last few months she hadn’t been around very much she would come home and go sit in her room and I slept on the couch and hung out with my girls messed around kept them occupied and there minds off of the crap going on because they are kids they don’t deserve to feel the tension and they don’t deserve to suffer and not have us to pay attention to them because of whatever we got going on so those months made me and the girls closer and she was distant. So she said she would take my oldest to her friends which was about 10 minutes down the road and I would take my youngest which was about a half hour I said cool thank you and before we left she was saying that our marriage wasn’t a complete waste I said no let me stop you because I didn’t ask you to marry me because I wanted to rent you for some time I gave you my word forever and I meant it now if you have some other type of feelings then you need to stop blaming me and own up to whatever it is you have going on because all I want is to stay with the person I married I want my wife back and she just looked at me and walked away. She left and I left and when I came home she was in the bathroom with the fan on and I took a shower got out and the fan was still on and I thought that’s a long time for her to be in the bathroom and went to the door and knocked and asked her if she was ok. She didn’t answer . I broke the handle and I saw my beautiful wife , the person I needed most in this world , the person who kept me good and grounded and made me a better person the person who made me think twice before I lost my temper the person who calmed me down when I was angry. My world Shattered , I didn’t waste one second do everything I could because if there even the smallest chance that I could have saved her I didn’t want to waste it I couldnt live with myself if I didn’t try my hardest but I knew she was gone but I still tried , I tried and yelled and cussed and screamed and threatened the devil and threatened god I said if they didn’t give her back I was coming for them . And now she gone , and I full of anger and hate and I want someone that I can dump everything i saw everything I felt and everything I am now and the person I lost the person I was with her is now gone . I want to pour all of these emotions and sights and sounds and smells and feeling into someone who is responsible for this I want to watch someone suffer and see it in there face that they know why this is happening. I’m broken and I want to be with her no matter where we are as long as we are together. But I can’t do any of that because as bad as I want to chase to where she is now , we have an even bigger commitment to these two girls and if I leave it will completely shatter there whole world and they will be destined for a terrible life so for now I’m stuck on the earth with plenty of time to make her mother feel how much she messed up by stepping into someone else life and for most of all not letting g me know everything that was going on with my wife especially since I was the one who was here every day in turn she stripped the chances of me helping g my wife from me and for that I owe her she will know before it’s her time everything I felt that day and I want her to live long longer than anyone else so she can think about it the whole time
Hello and welcome to the forum, I have to be honest and say that it’s been really hard to follow what you are saying. Would you be able to summarize and break it down into smaller parts then perhaps people would be able to respond to your situation. Sorry It’s quite confusing and i don’t really think I understand your story. Please keep posting
I’m sorry for your loss, it was a complicated situation & bearing in mind the change in your wife maybe mental illness was at play?
You didn’t give up on her & she would have known that
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