Lost my wife

Today makes 49 days since my wife was killed and it still feels like it was yesterday I can’t sleep I can’t eat all I do is sit here and cry everywhere I look I see her I can’t even go into our bedroom anymore after being with her for 34 years Iam so lonely I don’t know how to live without her my son is in jail for killing her so I’ve lost him also Iam to the point to where Iam physically sick throwing up don’t even have the strength to get up at times I just don’t understand how we as humans are supposed to cope with horrible pain and suffering like this if anyone can help please message me thanks

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Hi @Danny1

I’m on the other side of the ocean. I can only say that I feel your pain from your words. I wish I could comfort you. Have you tried to find a counsellor? I found this link online: https://www.theravive.com/region/tn/grief-counseling

There should be a social worker at the prison where you son is who might be able to help. Can you talk to your family physician?

I’m praying for you now in the hope that you will find help. If you don’t believe in prayer, think of it simply as good thoughts.

Christie xxx

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Dear Christie xxx
I absolutely believe in prayer I think that’s what has kept me going this far I truly appreciate your prayers and kind words
Thank you

Hello @Danny1. I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. We are all feeling pain of some sort on this site so we do understand. All I can offer at this stage is suggest you take just one hour at a time and not plan too far ahead as life always works out differently to how you imagine it or plan it. Remember to take some deep breaths and look after your own welfare, however difficult this may seem. Prayer will also help you and I am sure a lot of us on here will also be praying for you. Take Care Danny.
Love and light. x

Oh Danny. I so feel for you. You must be out of your mind with the circumstances of your wife’s death. I wondered if you still see your son and how he feels at this time. You need to get some kind of closure. Could you not go to see a local priest and discuss this with him. Whatever you do will be a step in the right direction
My thoughts are with you

A friend of mine who is a pastor he did my wife’s service I’ve spoken to him about it on several different occasions but I haven’t talked to my son at this point

This is so desperate. Please get some support with counselling. The circumstances of your wife’s death are so tragic. You will need help and support to get through this. I am sure this site can give you advice on where to get help.


Can you ask your friend to talk to the prison pastor to help you communicate with your son?

You sound like a very strong and wise man to realise that it was drugs to blame for what happened, but I think it will still be very difficult to talk with your son.

It might help to build a memorial to your wife. I wish I was closer, that we could talk face to face, but I am on the other side of the ocean.

Please just know that I am thinking of you and praying.

Christie xxx

Christie xxx
Iam sure it’s gonna be a very emotional conversation I just don’t know what side of me is going to show up it could the the husband that’s very angry or the dad that just wants to put my arms around him and tell him I love him and it’s gonna be ok I just don’t know I’ve had so many feelings of anger and pain


I don’t know either. At the moment you are both. Have you ever heard of boxing therapy? It’s when you go to a gym and hit out at a punch nag, again and again and again. You could try that and think of the circumstances that drove your son to take drugs, of the evil that took over his mind when he took drugs.

That might or might not help. It’s like a maze, you need to find what works for you and you are bound to have a lot of fury inside after what happened to your wife. It’s like others have said, it happens all over the world, and when it does happen it’s usually headline news for a day or two, you never imagine that it could happen to you.

I can only say that I am thinking of you, in the wilderness of cyberspace, and hoping and praying that you will find the answers you need.

Love and hate are said to be opposites - others say they are simply flip sides of the same coin. You love you son because he’s your son, but he did a terrible thing to you and your wife.

I have a friend in Hopkinsville, Ky. She’s one of the strongest people I know. And I know she went through hell before she found answers, and then she found a new life.

I sense your strength, and I believe that you have the power within you to heal some - but not all - of the wounds you have suffered. Again, I can only say that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Christie xxx