My wife past away just over 8 weeks ago
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See sorry you had to join this awful club. This forum has been a great help to me and is populated by loads of people also in the club. Please use it…it wil help. Best wishes to you 
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Hi @Oldcabgit . Just post whatever you feel like. Fears, regrets, worries, loneliness or anything else. Weve all been there and understand
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Together 43yrs, married for 39yrs.my wife Janet died at 62yrs. We had so many plans, all gone now.
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…with ya mate…
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It’s the absence of plans and the lack of any sort of future now that rips at my heart. We travelled so much together or just spent weekends in each other’s company telling silly stories and chatting about nonsense that would make anyone else think we were deranged.
I’ve not been here long, only a week 
but the comments and messages have been so kind and really are a comfort. When I’m alone with my thoughts I’m a mess and struggle to think about how I’ll get through the next hour. However, responding to people or just reading through the stories of others who have had to go through this horrific pain really does distract and focus my mind a little so that I can try to put one foot in front of the other and pull myself together a little.
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I was going to work until i was 66 then i would receive my government pension, drop down to working two days a week.buy a caravan and take the grankids away. No plans now. First day ive not seen anybody, one of my 3 kids as popped in everyday. Ive not spoken a word exept other then to say good morning to my wife ,the next time will be to say goodnight.
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This is my first weekend after the awfulness of last Saturday morning.
It’s really hard today. I spent most of the morning feeling anxious and breathless. I had to get out of the house around the time that everything happened last week because it was so overwhelming. I felt I was just trying to get through each twenty minutes or so without utterly collapsing inwards on myself.
I walked and found myself in a cathedral. It was empty and I sat in the silence and cried. We used to always go to visit galleries and museums when we went on holiday, and cathedrals were places we would also always visit. The stillness and the vastness seems comforting to me, whatever you believe. He didn’t have any religious feelings particularly, and whilst I went to church growing up, I don’t think about it on a day to day basis. Despite it being a local one, we had never gone, and I think that was something that struck me as I sat there. I don’t know why we didn’t. Maybe you just don’t often visit the things like that in the place where you live.
I’ve made contact today with his grandmother and one of his friends from after university that he often went on holiday with when I was busy with work. They’re both finding things as hard as you would expect and, whilst we’ve never met, I wanted to get in touch so that hopefully we can lean on each other and get through these initial few weeks as best we can.
It’s bewildering to think that everything we, not necessarily planned, but everything that I just expected would happen in the future, no longer will. Summer holidays abroad, city breaks here in the UK, spending weekends together just watching television or exploring the countryside nearby. We had romantic notions of a cottage somewhere in the country rather than living in the city centre where we do. He would have loved a huge garden to sit in and watch the world go by, along with a dog, which his health would never have allowed him to be able to look after when I was at work, but those daydreams and things that I never gave a second thought to the possibility that we’d never do them again, are the things that are causing so much pain right now.
It’s so overwhelming.
We can just try to help each other out here as best we can. I take comfort in the fact that after typing a long message, another ten minutes or so of the day has gone by without me feeling as if I’m being turned inside out.
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Totally with you my friend… totally…feeling exactly the same…sending love your way
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Ive been on this site for about 7 weeks just reading messages , trying to get up the courage to write something. Now i have i can see how it helps. I cant open up to my kids because i think they are missing there mum and dont want to put my problems on them.
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I’m the same. The day after I lost him I had to tell my parents about us and the fact that I’ve spent 17 years living with another man. It’s so hard sharing with them, despite them being wonderful and being so accepting. I just don’t feel able to share yet. I don’t know if it’s a strange shame about having hidden it, guilt that he might have felt I didn’t want people to know… I don’t know. . I’ll get there. Hopefully.
It’s so much easier with people online.
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@G1983 and @UnityMan . Please let me assure you that it does get better and you will begin to enjoy life again. You’ll never totally forget your lost ones, we just learn to live with it. After a year, I still think of my wife several times a day, but it doesnt hurt any more, just a bit of sadness, and I can cope with that (sometimes I actually smile at her )memory
Its almost certainly difficult to believe in the raw early days, like now. All we can do is try to be positive, and it will ease more quickly. Good luck!
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I’d like to second that. It will be a year for me in two weeks. My love for my wife is undiminished, but I am able to think about her without triggering enormous upset; it has got a lot easier and it will do for you too, Hang on in there and reach out for help whenever you need it xxx
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Sending you hugs
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Its interesting to have a look around at friends, neighbours, work colleagues, family etc. A fair proportion of them will have lost their partners.
After time, life is going on for them reasonably happily. Very few, if any, will be suffering the huge pain and grief we suffer in these early days and weeks.
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Not everyone is living longer 
Lost my partner to cancer 4 weeks ago after a 12 month battle…68 yrs… we too had plans
Suddenly have to make solo plans
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