Thank you Helen.
Yes any motivation is extremely difficult. I too write lists normally for the week or next day. Sometimes though it’s impossible. It’s so hard to see any point in anything that I do.
I have found that everything I’m doing is a lie…it is an act. Inside we are destroyed but outwardly we try to be normal when it’s impossible. I feel that I am turning inwards more…wanting to completely cut myself off from everything. I have zero interest in anything…am I now a ZOMBIE? Most probably 
I agree with everything I have read so far
I feel like I want to wake up when Christmas is over as it’s so difficult seeing everyone happy looking forward to Xmas etc .
I am going try forget it’s Xmas and hibernate !!!
I am going to my sisters for the day and have ‘fake’ it for a couple of hours.
I know that the entire time I will really wanting to get back home. Its nice to be invited but as I said I have to fake how I’m feeling. It’s going to be very difficult.
I completely understand just wanting to be at home . I keep forcing myself to do things because I think I need to try . Home Is my safety net , although sometimes very lonely also …. Always here to chat I’d you need to xx
I think like everyone says take a day at a time
One minute I feel
Okay next crying feeling like it’s a nightmare then realising it’s actually happened .
Have some very low times thoughts but then feel guilty when feeling not to bad chatting to friends
Sometimes I wish I had passed away instead
Also realised now putting myself first now not pleasing helping everyone don’t have the energy anymore
Also feel angry at pressure others out upon us at times at expense of our own mental health wellbeing
Now this has happened I have to focus on me and my daughter
Think it’s the angry phase
My sister and I are going to my daughter’s for Christmas dinner. She has said I can stay as long or as short a time as I like. She has also said if it gets too much, I can go up to her bedroom and come down when I’m ready. She had a big family and they’re so looking forward to us being there for dinner. It’s the morning I’m dreading. My husband and I had a lovely routine for Christmas morning and the fact that he won’t be there almost destroys me.
Yes I feel the same that home is my safety net my fortress. The other day when shopping I started feeling very ill, sad and desperate and just wanted to get home as quickly as I could. Then I had a problem with my boot not staying up and couldn’t load the shopping until a kind soul came along and saw me struggling and then held it open for me. It was so kind of him but I felt awful having to try making small talk whilst throwing everything as quickly into the boot.
I was so glad to get home. The only problem with being there is the endless memories there. It is everywhere and yet it’s the only place I feel comfortable now.
Yes the loneliness is terrible. The more we think the worse it gets but its impossible to switch off. I haven’t slept well lately maybe it’s this whole Christmas thing creeping up on us? Thank God its really only 1 day.
Can’t think of anything worse than Christmas right now I hate it
I know what you mean about passing away instead. We are left with all the pain it’s like our Karma for our sins maybe another life?
I have never known anything like this before nothing comes close 
Yes you probably are in the angry stage I know that I certainly am. People just don’t understand the pain of intense grief. It affects us all in different ways.
You are right to put yourself 1st. I am studying Buddhism and there are some lovely videos posted by a Monk I follow on Insta…he helps me every day with his wise words
Sounds like you will have to put on a very brave face.
I think your daughter seems very caring with her words, very understanding.
I hope everyone is able to get through there Christmas day/period with family. Thankfully I only have a few hours before I can head home. I know I won’t be watching all that Christmas nonsense. Maybe I’ll just watch music videos and no they won’t be Christmas ones…I am the original Bar Humbug 
Sometimes people can be so very kind. I hate shopping , everything triggers a memory. Maybe in time we can smile when we think of those memories . Right now it’s so very raw and painful . I do t know how but we are getting through each day , the pain in our hearts will never fade away. Xx
Hello Tony
I am so sorry you feel such sorrow and feel exactly the same as youI lost my husband of 54 years ,a year ago on the 9th of December after a letdown of our health system,I still the same as I did when he past the will to live is hard and getting through each day is a benchmark I do have marvelous friends who listen to me and always seem to understand also my family who always talk about him and never chastise me if I cry which is often,I can honestly say I have managed to watch any tv program to the end as my mind wanders off,I like Lynne have gone to the Spiritulist church which has helped me,at least it has given me some peace of mind,which I needed it I thought I was going mad,I could not crying nearly all day, I still cry alot I cannot say after a year anything has changed I still wake up and say one day less,and know he would be heartbroken to know how I am as he was such a positive person but like us all life without your partner is so difficult especially if you have a loving relationship,I am trying so hard to move on but I don’t think I will,I guess when you have a close loving marriage and the half is gone it’s hard ,I try everyday to get by being the operative word,I am so maybe that’s as good as it gets
Malins
,
Getting through each day is the best any of us can do.
We are the chosen one’s to carry this heavy burden on our shoulders. Yes the pain will never fade, others may think so but I already know that this will be with me for eternity 
Hi Malins thanks for your heart felt reply.
Your story is as sad as mine in fact we all have a sad story to tell. I am glad your family are supportive. My sister and brother in law are for me but I don’t express too much especially as I know my sister would worry. I prefer to get support elsewhere and not burden my family people find dealing with death and bereavement too challenging.
We all know only too well the pain each of us is going through. I still can’t believe what has happened. Everything seems like a terrible nightmare but every day you wake up you know it’s real.
I am just trying to get through each day but if I am honest I already don’t wish to go on. I am though trapped until God takes me. I pray and talk to her every night through the candles and she responds. I find this comforting and it’s the highlight of my day. I miss her terribly
I know that this is a life sentence and our cross to bear. I have accepted my own fate. I will try to do some good in her name and be kind to others. I must make merit in her name.
When my time comes I hope that God will let me through the gates and we will once again be reunited. This now is what I am living for…just waiting for the end. As a man now 61 I am hoping that I don’t have too long to wait
I hope you can live your life as best as you can. I think that’s all any of us can do. I think for me doing some good and spreading kindness will help me because I know that she will be proud of me helping others
thinking of you all over christmas love helenhelen xxx
I feel much like you and have no interest in anything,i keep the television on, not to watch it, but to hear a noise, because the silence in my home is deafening.
I dont wish to be here and the loneliness is something like i never envisaged, and without my little dogs i wouldn’t make it through the night.
Thank you 
Absolutely, I can’t concentrate on anything. Had most of the football World Cup on and rarely watched any of it, I simply wasn’t interested 
There is no answer to our grief, it will be eternal and a lifetime. I accept this fact. I had to ring the Energy company today and just broke down 
I hate all this Christmas stuff too…trying to avoid all of it but it’s everywhere. Thankfully it’s only one day
I hope you are able to get through the next few days.
Take care,
Tony
I think as time goes on we have to accept that thosecrhat Have passed away would want us to carry on as hard as that is.
I too have felt like I don’t want to be here however children make us carry on as we they have a future a head of them etc
Me to cannot concentrate however trying to think of what my husband would want us to do .
Can’t wait for Christmas to be over but I think of what I would want my husband to do if it was other way round embrace life make most of time …support children yes put on brave face at times as children’s have future ahead and I want them to be brave and be positive as unfortunately we have to try look to the future as difficult as it is if that makes sense
@Ferne I agree with you and makes sense. I try to think, what would my wife
be wanting me to do if she were still here and what would she want me to do now? I think we all agree that our husbands / wives would be unhappy to see us unhappy as after all, when we were together we would always do anything to make sure that each other were happy wouldn’t we. When I have spoken to her friends, they all say the same thing, knowing how Val was that she would want both myself and our daughter to try to be happy, even though it is so very difficult.
I also think, what would I want my wife to do if I had passed and she was still here. I’d want her to try to carry on, try to be happy where she can, as that’s what I always wanted for her.
But, it is very difficult to think that way most of the time at present.
Love to you all.
Tony
Yes ive since gound out a drug the hospital gave my Husband for pain relief probably killed him.
Its hard to accept.
Feel for you.
Jane