Lost my younger brother today

At 2.00am Monday 11th June my Darling brother passed away. Both parents have passed. I have a husband and 2 grown up children but I feel I am all alone in the world. Tommy had a triple heart bypass in October 2017 and was recovering well until he had a burst ulcer a few weeks ago when it was discovered he had stomach cancer. He was to have 4 rounds of chemotherapy followed by surgery and possibly further chemotherapy. He had a line put into his right arm on 7th of June and endured 5 hrs of chemo in hospital, was fitted with a pump for a further 24hrs of chemo and sent home. The pump was removed in the early evening of 8th of June from then he was in pain, was tired and listless. These were what we were to expect as side effect of the treatment. However they are also signals of sepsis. It was when his breathing became laboured he was admitted to hospital where he died several hours later. Words cannot convey how I devastated I feel. To make matters worse a coroner has told us that the death certificate will state he died of stomach cancer when we were told in hospital it was sepsis. Can anyone explain to me why the word of a GP who saw him last in 31st May overrides the hospital doctor we spoke to who confirmed it was sepsis and we could not have changed the outcome no matter what. I know nothing can bring him back, And I would change places with him in a heartbeat but I feel something is being covered up or am I just paranoid

I am so sorry for what you are going through Maxineh. Your sad story is much like my own. My beloved younger sister had a rare form of cancer but did well for almost a year. In early May she started feeling ill and we got her to the hospital thinking they would give her fluids and perhaps keep her a few days. She also had laboured breathing and we were told the kidneys were failing and she had sepsis. Within a few hours she coded, but they brought her back, but then she died soon after with me by her side She died two days before her birthday. I can relate to your pain and shock. On the death certificate they also listed the cancer as cause of death. I believe the sepsis is considered a secondary reason and the cancer was ultimately caused the person to die. We were also told nothing would have changed the outcome. I wish I had more answers for you, and a better way to ease your pain, I wish too that I had that for myself. We both lost a part of ourselves, a part of our past, our present and the future we thought we’d have with our sibling. Try not to expend too much energy on the details of how he died, and if need be go to the professionals to get further clarification. I too feel I am now faced with days, months and years without my sweet sister to talk with, laugh with and grow old together. It is like a “life sentence.” I am glad to hear you have family, I have only one other sibling but she is unsupportive, so I might as well be alone. Keep posting and you will get a lot of support here. I care and feel we have a lot in common in our grief. This pain can be unbearable and not everyone understands the depth of losing a sibling you had a life long bond with. I wish you peace and healing in your own time.

Thank you sister2 for your kind words and advice. My brothers wife has refused to accept the death certificate and was asked by the coroner if she would accept a heart attack as cause of death. Again she refused and was told that to prove sepsis may mean a post mortem which would delay the funeral. She agreed to go ahead with this even though it is the last thing she wanted to happen. The coroner said she would try to speak to the doctor who was with him when he died for her to confirm sepsis. Neither my brothers wife or myself are trying to apportion blame we just want the real cause of his death to be on his death certificate. We both know my brother would not have settled for anything less.

I understand Maxineh. Your loss is so fresh and my heart goes out to you. I hope you find the answers you need to confirm the cause of death. This is the hardest loss I’ve ever dealt with, and I am glad I found this site. I hope it will provide a place to put your pain as well. Take care and post again when you are ready.

My brother’s DC has been changed to read Sepsis as the cause of death. His body has been released to the funeral director. He will be laid to rest on 22nd of June. I am finding it difficult to accept his death, and finding difficult to see him for the last time. I know if I. Don’t go to see him I will regret it for the rest of my like.

Glad to hear you were successful in confirming the cause of death on your brother’s DC. Now you must do what is in your heart as you struggle with this loss,
and the prospect of seeing him for the last time. I am still not able to accept my sister’s death, but it is still a fresh wound as is your loss. What might help is to know that he is always with you, because I am sure you have a lifetime of memories and shared experiences that will keep his memory alive. I count on those memories on my darkest days, and sometimes I can find a bit of comfort when I relive the laughs, long talks, holidays, and special times spent together. This grief is soul crushing and we can only try to find relief in small ways, for short periods. I wish you strength for what lies ahead. The kind people on this site have been a tremendous help to me, and I hope you will find the support you need here as well. Let us know how you are getting along.

I went to see my brother for the last time on 21st June. I was very emotional but did have a long conversation with him. His funeral was the day after which thankfully went like clockwork. I wrote and read his eulogy. It was extremely difficult but I couldn’t let a priest who had never met him read it. I am still finding it very difficult to cope. I have a permanent headache and a pain in my chest. I know that they are both caused by stress. I. Felt exactly the same when my dad died in 1983 aged 50. My brother always worried he would die early like dad. Always told him not to be so silly, but he was 54 on 22/04/18.