Lost of my husband

I lost my husband last November after a two year battle with Cancer, we thought he was getting over the first one which was oesophagus cancer, but that travelled to the hip muscle and bone. We were old friends that got together after we lost our previous spouses and married when I was 71 and he was 72, so you never know what life has in store for you. I live in a very nice village and have joined groups which were helping me , but this lock down has set us all back . I keep trying to remain positive and I’m lucky enough to have good friends to phone and who phone me, but I miss Mike so very much and feel cheated at losing a second chance at retirement. I lost my first husband also to Cancer, just a year after retirement.

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The William 1 should be Rosemary1

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You poor thing, twice, it must be very hard for you. I think it’s the main reason that I will stay on my own. I don’t think I could go through it all again. My heart goes out to you and as you know 6 months is nothing when it comes to grieving. Yes, losing all outside contact is affecting us and like you I had got myself motivated to join things just to have them taken away and the way things look, they will not be resuming anytime soon. The other thing this virus situation is affecting is the simple fact we want our loved one to be here more than ever, I know I do miss him for more. At the same time I also know he would find it very hard to deal with. It’s not easy but we do know we just have to get through it with a smile on our face. That brave face thing that we all know about. Please take care of yourself. Blessings S

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Hi. We were going to retire next year when Bill got his old age pension at 65. Plus we like you were only together a short time 11years. I’m just grateful he was only 6wks from diagnosis so didn’t suffer for too long but it doesn’t give you time to process one stage before you hit the next Never be alone as all here in this together. Hugs

It was 6 months ago yesterday when Mike died. I sometimes imagine him in our bungalow all fit and well , and so wish I could wake up and it was just all a bad dream. He was so considerate and good to share my life with. I’m trying hard to build a new life and very lucky with good family and friends, but I loved sharing the new life we had built together. I’m hoping when I can get back to the new groups I joined it will really help. This group helps us all feel there are so many people in the same situation trying to build a new life. The soon as this lock down is completely over and safe for us all the better. Love and hugs to everyone.

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I am n a similar situation to you so understand the pain. I too lost my first husband , found love again with a wonderful man who had also lost his dear wife. We were lucky to find each other and have a second happy marriage. Tony passed away at New year.
It’s devastating, , the pain is deep inside and the present situation makes the loss even more unbearable.
Isolation, at the very time we need our family and friends is awful. Hang in there , it will pass and hopefully we can pick up a life. We will never “get over it” but We will make a life, not the same or the one we had, unless you’ve gone through losing your soul mate, it’s hard for people to understand the rawness of grief we face.
Facing this twice is shattering, just keep going, a day at a time, be kind to yourself and remember this is early days for us both, it will ease a little with time, never leave us , just more manageable.

Thinking of you and sending love, keep going the enforced isolation is horrible , it will end and make things a bit easier. .

Love Chris

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Hi Christina, the obvious deep love and happiness you found with both your husbands shines through whenever you post. That you should suffer the loss of two such very special and dearly loved men defies belief. Despite that loss you manage to sound so reassuring and offer comfort to those of us who are struggling . There is no hint of ‘why me’ which is a question I ask every day even though on this site I am only too aware it’s not just me! Thank you for giving us hope however hopeless some of us feel.
Sending love

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Thank you Jobar,
Please don’t think I’m different t you. I do sometimes think “why me” , but in truth I know its not only me. I am devastated, also lucky to have married two wonderful men, kind, gentle and loving. I say to myself, “some people don’t ever find happiness” I’d give anything to have Tony back, as I did when lost my first husband, sadly that can’t happen. I find not thinking ahead not looking into the future helps me, I am scared of facing the rest of my life alone. I don’t like being on my own, being a couple suits me. I just take it day at a time. Its all we can do.
Just hang in there, its early days, one day you will smile again, probably take you by surprise ! Life will be very different, but eventually little things will begin to help, I know, right now you don’t feel it will ever be easier, but I promise you, from experience it will. No time limit on grief, just be kind to yourself, if its a bad day so be it, we are entitled to have bad days, our lives have been ripped apart, as all of us on this site understand. Healing can’t happen overnight
Sending love and hugs
Chris

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