Lost of my sister aged 38.

In November 2021, I lost my sister suddenly. We were close but not at the same time due our busy lives but we were always only a phone call away and we would be there…
The first week or so I was a mess. But had lots of support from friends, family and work colleagues. The funeral took place 4days before Christmas. Then just after that I had Covid. After all of that I went back to work and basically stuck all my emotions in a box and stored it away… Of course I still thought about her but you would think I was cold about it all but it seemed like a coping mechanism.
A few weeks ago I was treated with an infection, Not even a week later I was back on another set of antibiotics for a different infection. On my worst pain day, my partner came rushing home because he had a death in the family which obviously shook me up to see him in such a state.
A couple of days later, I was driving on the motorway, where I suddenly just started to have a panick/anxiety attack. That’s never happened to me before, and since then I’ve been getting them almost daily. I can’t eat, I feel sick, I can only drink water otherwise I feel sick, I’m constantly crying and getting frustrated with myself. It didn’t matter if I was at work or at home. I’ve had so many headaches, body aches, feeling sick, palpitations, no energy etc.
I finally went to the doctors, which they have now signed me off of work, and prescribed beta blockers to calm me down as my head was all jumbled and my heart was constantly racey. They seem to think with me being ill, then the shock of my partners news seems to have reopened everything in my head and I don’t know how to over come all of this.
Every time someone mentions her I go quiet, but the other day I was so overwhelmed when she was mentioned, I got angry, crying, and literally it all felt like her passing only happened that day.
So I am hoping someone out there will be able to help me with ideas how to come to terms with this. I honestly don’t know how to put it all away and carry on. What have others done to help them? I just need to try and get to grips with everything. Absolutely heart broken. .

Dear @Cokey90

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your sister and as to how you are feeling. What you are going through is all part of the grieving process. Grief has is a mixture of rollercoaster emotions and stages. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and hope. They can come at any time. Grief has no time limit.

Have you considered Counselling to have someone to talk to. Sue Ryder here offers a free Counselling service. You start by registering and then you will be invited to book an assessment.

There is also a Self Help Service recently launched by Sue Ryder here called Grief Self-Help Service and would be worth taking a look. It has useful information and tools to help you and you can discover new ways to cope.

You can also connect with members here who have experienced what you are going through by typing Loss of a sibling in the search bar. Please do not feel you are alone. There is so much support here for you.

If you need further information please email online.community@suerydercare.org.

Please continue to reach out and take care of yourself.


Hello Cokey90, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost lost my brother to a sudden heart attack in February 2022, age 74.

I do recognize the symptoms you describe. I was a total mess until about two weeks ago when it started to change. I had problems saying my brothers name or looking at some photos of him. But, I found an old photo of him when he must have been about 13 years old and I realized that it was not too bad to look at it. I do not know what my brain is doing. I know that it is a photo of my brother, but somehow it is not. I can look at this old photo without going to pieces and I look at him every day now. - I During the last two weeks my anxiety and panic attacks went from very high to low. They are not completely gone, but they are manageable now.

I have had anxiety and panic attacks for several months after my brother died and I cannot be sure what made the change. I can only tell you what I am doing now.

I am

  1. Cuddling my cats whenever I can
  2. Taking GABA Anxiety
  3. Talking to someone - I used to talk to friends, the Samaritans or Cruse Bereavement Support from time to time - but now, I talk to an old friend on Jitsi Meet (like Zoom) every day.
  4. Eating ginger (Ginger Nuts) - It also seems to boost the taste buds.
  5. Taking vitamin D3 - (Perhaps you could have your vitamin D l evels tested.)
  6. I spend more time in the Sunlight - I walk on the beach taking photos or just sit on a bench - I looked it up and found “Lower levels of serotonin can pose a higher risk of depression and anxiety.” https://therapeutic-solutions.com/does-sunlight-help-with-anxiety/

Perhaps you could pick up a new hobby like photography. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/7-great-reasons-to-pick-up-a-new-hobby-this-year_b_588020bce4b0aa1c47ac2838

It will get better.


Sorry Cokey90 my reply went to the wrong person.