Lost son

Hi I lost my son to cancer in December and i can’t function all I want to do I’d be with him. He was diagnosed with testicular cancer in June 2016 and was tolooking after 2 lots of chemo they could are no cancer. He married his fiancee in June last year ans had some radiotherapy to make sure the chemo hadn’t left any cells . In October last year after his scan they found that the cancer had spread to his Liver and they could do no more for him .Richard passed away on Sunday the 10th of December. I just have such bad days and find it so hard to cope. He was only 31 and had some much to live for. I am absolutely heartbroken.

Hi Mirlos, I’m so sorry to hear about your son. It’s very sad. I do understand how difficult it is and the excruciating pain you are feeling. My daughter passed away from cancer more than 2 years ago from cancer aged 33. It is so unfair and we never find the answer as to “why?” We feel distraught that we were unable to stop it happening. I feel that I am just existing, surviving, not living. Things changed that day I lost her and will never be the same again. How could it ever be? I still find myself thinking of her every minute. I found being angry only sends me into a downward spiral so as hard as it is, I am trying to focus on good memories, all the things that she achieved and the people who she reached in her life.
It is so raw for you at the moment. You have every right to feel however you want or need to without an excuse for doing so. Just take things day by day, hour by hour even.
Post on here whenever you need to let off steam. There are people who understand.
Take care.

Hi thank you for replying I just feel so bad I have started suffering from anxiety and I have been to the doctors and he has given me a short course of tablets I sent know if is due to depression after losing my son or how to cope with it. I am really trying to cope because of my other son but it’s just so very hard x

Hi Mirlos…I think the hardest thing is trying to come to terms and accept that life will never be the same as it was before, it just can’t, it never will be…You never prepare yourself for this,it should be your son that’s coming to your funeral not the other way round…It’s just two months today since we lost Christian and part of us went with him. we will never be the same family again, but we are a family that will always love and miss him immensely to us he was unique just like your son was to you and all the others who have lost son’s and daughters’s…when I sit here in tears I often think what Christian would think if he could see me now, he would be devastated at the pain I was in but also secretly pleased to think we were all missing him so much, that was my son he can still make smile in death…
Please tell me your son’s name …big Hugh hug and kisses xxx

Hi my son’s name is Richard I will always incudes him in every aspect of my life. He is so precious to me and I don’t know how to cope with his loss it’s just love and miss him so much .Richard has been gone 7 weeks and the hurt gets more with each day that passes. X

Hello Mirlos and all that are on here, I too like you all lost my son in December '16, he was 34 from a brain tumour. Richard, like Daniel for Wynne and Christian for Marina are unique to us. They will never leave us and try as we might we will never stop loving them, but for the sake of our other sons and daughters that are living we have to try and cope however hard it is. I am not a church goer but I do believe that our soul and spirit stays around the ones we love, I know for sure Sam is all around me. When I get upset like I just did a short while ago he does something, I found a small foreign coin underneath my mobile phone. There is no one else in the house at the moment and I had moved my phone so how did that get there? I had asked him I know you’re here but give me something…so he did. And by talking out loud to him I keep him near. As I have said many times on here, death is way too strong a bond to be broken by death.

Cancer is insidious, and we need the key to try and cure it!

With love Helen

My son Nick had a fit and died suddenly on 17 August 2017 at the age of 17 . We had the same sense of humour, we seemed to think in a very similar way , we looked the the same and we just loved each other very very much . I think about him every hour of every day and I often dream about him… He’s with me , all the time . I can’t see him, physically and I wish with all my heart that I could but I know I can’t . Like you Helen, I keep going for my other son James , with whom I have the same close bond . He needs me and I need him. Im also trying for Nick . Like you Helen , I believe , emphatically in a life after this one . Im not religious either, but It doesn’t make any sense to me for life to end with death. I know I’ll see him again eventually. In the meantime , I can still go out with friends and family , i can still enjoy things , but I know I’ve changed since he died and I know my life will never be the same as it was .

Hello Paul,
Everything you’ve said there strikes a chord within me and like you I try so very very hard for Sam and Geraint (his brother). We took Sam down on the 28th November '16 for an MRI scan, they had asked if he could get down would he, we went and Sam’s elder brother and my husband (not Sam’s dad) although he was there went in to get the verdict from Mr Herbert the Oncologist, there was nothing more that could be done. I took Sam for a coffee I did not want him going in there to hear that news (to me there was no point) and he was quite happy to come with me. He died here at home surrounded by all his family and his very close friend, He went into a coma on the Thursday and died on the Friday at 12:30. I know him so well that I knew he would not have wanted to go to a hospital or hospice. When I saw the spiritualist he said, Sam wants to say thank you for not sending him to hospital. I know Sam is all around me I feel him all the time, and I know I talk out loud to him (which may seem daft to some people) and if I ask a question I get an answer back. I am going to Cape Town in March, and I was going to put some ashes on Table Mountain, but I keep getting the answer no mum when I say about it so I shall just go, I wear a ring with some of his ashes in so he’s coming whether he want’s to or not. Like you with Nick, Sam was also my friend and we would do things together and like you and Nick have the same sense of humour. That is why he got on so well with John my husband. He never ever said a word to me but my other son said Sam won’t bother with Dad at all, he doesn’t want to know him. I have never found out why. I know that when Sam had radiotherapy, it was every day for 7 weeks. So we all had a shift, my dad did Monday, my ex was supposed to do Tuesday my other son did Wednesday and we did Thursday and Friday. I just wonder if it was that, because Sam caught the bus down and back on a Tuesday and if I had known we would have taken him, I only found out after he had died.
Maybe it was that was in some way I’ll never know. All I know is I did everything possible for him throughout the 4 years and throughout his life that I have no feeling of guilt except that I had rather it had been me than him. Sam loved life and travelled extensively, all over had loads of friends so I have to keep going he would be angry at anything less.

Sorry for the long reply.
with love Helen

I’ve just got in and read your message and I felt sad and uplifted at the same time. The human spirit never ceases to amaze and humble, particularly in the worst of circumstances. . Nick died in 2015 not 2017, not that it made a difference to what I was saying . Slug , mine and Nick’s cat , is trying to sit on me even though it’s not all that comfortable and purring loudly . He had a great empathy with animals especially cats , something else we shared . I count myself very very privileged to have been Nick’s dad and although Im not waiting for death to happen, it doesn’t scare me ,for the reasons given.

That’s lovely Paul I have a cat called Marmaduke (Marmie for short) which Sam bought for my birthday in April 2013, he’d had his operation to remove the tumour in Jan '13 after being diagnosed in November '12. The surgeon removed over 90% which is why he had as long as he did and had good quality of life, right until mid November '16. In August '16 another tumour had appeared in a part of the brain they could not operate on but he still kept going but by mid November he was a little unsteady on his feet but other than that was Sam. Mamie will sit on my lap and purr loudly especially when I get down and I am sure that he knows. Like you I do not fear death because I know Sam will be waiting for me. My husband John thought the World of Sam and did everything for him. At night when it got difficult for Sam to go up and down the stairs it was John that helped him and like you with Nick was so proud of him. I am very lucky that Sam was my son.

With love Helen

I was very moved when I read your last message. Its a strange thing to say we were lucky in such circumstances, but we were . Like you , I feel Nick around me all the time. I want to write more but the words won’t come at the moment so I’ll wait until they do. It helps to be able to share feelings and memories with someone who knows .

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