Lost the father to my children

My best friend and father to my two wonderful children died on the 26th June this year at only 37 years of age. He died very suddenly of an asthma attack on his friends kitchen floor. His friend gave him CPR for an hour before the ambulance arrived but he had already died when they got there. He told his friend he was going to die before he fell unconscious which really hurts because I know he must have been so scared. His friend called me immediately after it happened and I had to tell my two children, aged 11 and 8 years old. It was the worst experience of my life and I just replay it over and over in my head. They both cried when I told them but they haven’t cried in front of me since, which really worries me. We are all pretending to get on with life and trying to keep really busy with after school clubs and visiting my family to fill the gap he has left. We miss him so much and are so lonely without him. We really struggle at meals times eating alone without him and now its getting to winter the nights feel even more lonely. Im desperate to talk to my children about what happened but they get really distressed when I get upset so I just try to talk positively about the happy memories that we have whenever I can. My family have been great but all his family live aboard so we don’t have much contact with them which makes us feel less close to him. Most of our friends avoid me now and I feel like I’ve lost that connection to him as well. I just sit staring in to space most days when the kids are at school remembering when the kids were younger and all the great times we had together, then I pick myself and pretend everything is ok once I get them from school until I do it all again the next day. I worry so much about my children and how they are coping. I wish I could just take away all their pain and make life carefree and innocent for them again. I really want to get them help but don’t know where to start or what to do and I know how difficult it would be getting them to accept any counselling at the moment. Listening to others experiences and how they cope really helps, just to know we are not the only ones going through such agonising pain.

Thank you for listening.

Loren xx

Hi Loren just want to send you hugs,and tell you I feel for you and your children,my 3 daughters are older so I think others on here may be better at giving you advice on how to approach talking about what you are all feeling together,I know there are some good books out there though to help and guide you on how to talk with your children about this heartbreaking time you will know as there mum when it feels right ,when they ready to talk,Just keep going one moment at a time Loren,feeling and doing what is right for you and your children,its 7 months since I lost my lovely husband,and I still get through one day at a time,but grief seems to change as the time passes,you will find your way through Loren ,we all do,im sure others on here will have some experience to help you,you are not on your own xxx

Hi Loren… I guess I’m probably the closest you will find to understanding your situation… My husband died a few weeks after yours he was 36 it was unexpected also…also my best friend… I have a five and four year old …I can honestly say telling them that thier daddy had died absolutely destroyed me …I will never forget it and it will haunt me forever …I’m like u I worry so much if they are ok or not …I’m constantly asking them if they are ok… if they say yes I get sad and convince my self that they don’t care that he is gone which is absolutely ridiculous… I try to talk about him all the time but sometimes feel like im forcing my self on them with the topic…they say mummy we still love daddy and miss him but we don’t want to be sad all the time …I can’t stop being sad I wish it was so easy …I can imagine how u must be second guessing there feelings it’s so hard to navigate… the school have offered Cruse a bereavement group …but im worried to force it on them when they seem ok…it’s a double edged sword… we are the same keep busy during the day clubs anything really … but it’s the nights for me …I feel incredibly lonely … I do hold onto what the ladies on here have said …yes we have lost our husband’s but we have the biggest and most precious reasons to carry on in our children …big hugs to u and your kids be easy on your self ur doing amazing xx

Hi loren ure story sounds abit like me.i lost my husband 9 months today he went to work and bless him never came back…iv cryed every single day 4 9 months some days allday.im really struggling and i feel so bad 4 my boys they are 11 and 7 they to cryed when they found out and cryed abit at the funeral but since then nothing…they dont really like to talk about it much either which hurts because i dont want them to forget him i want to keep his memory alive as much as i can.i know they must think of him i guess children cope with it alot better than us.my boys did cruze my eldest did onr session and told them hes fine and doesnt want anymore sessions my youngest did 6 sessions and he to told them he no longer wants to do it…my concern is i dont want what ever they are feeling to affect them in later life but im sure they will be ok.its such a horrible thing to go through it feels so unfair especially for the children.lonliness is the hardest iv never felt so lonely in my entire life.i really hope it gets better for us and many other familysxxx

Also all his family are abroad so i really dont feel any closness my children should be enough but if his fsmily was around it would be so much easier.its really sad death becsuse everything changes for a weird reason you loose friends not just your husband litrally everything changes. My thoughts are with youxx