Lost them both

I lost my stepfather unexpectedly 4 years ago, it was devastating. Then looked after my disabled mum who lived 100+ miles away for 4 years. She then became ill and was in hospital for 10 months. I spent so much time with her, I lost my job. She passed I hospital peacefully in November 2019 and I miss her dreadfully, but I can’t get past losing her, I miss her so much. It’s coming up to her anniversary and I don’t know what to do with myself.

Dear Chelmakk,
Losing both your parents is very hard. I speak from experience. Your mum must have been so grateful for all that you did for her. For 4 years your life was devoted to what she needed and it sounds like you almost put your own life on hold and are having to rebuild it.
Did you have any support during that time from friends, family members or colleagues? Is there anyone who supports you now? You write that you lost your job. Have you been able to find a new job since or do you not yet feel up to it?
Anniversaries can be difficult, especially the first one, but they can also be a day where you can do something special in their memory.
It is good that you have come to this site. I hope that you will find it helpful to read posts and replies from others who have lost their parents and can understand how you feel.
Jo

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my message. I had a breakdown January of last year, then lost my job of 22 years 6 months later. I’ve had alot of counselling which has helped but I’m still unable to work due to my anxiety and depression. I do have support from my husband, he’s a love and very understanding. I think my struggling is also down to not being able to visit my parents grave. I get alot of comfort from that but the grave is in Liverpool and I’m in the east Midlands. I’ve not been able to visit since march and Corona so it’s very frustrating, I feel quite detached from them.

I understand what you write about not being able to visit your parents; graves. My parents’ graves are in Holland and I have been unable this year to go there to lay flowers. They are buried in a lovely park in the middle of a town, with lakes, trees, plants and birds and it is a very peaceful place. What has helped me is that one of my sisters who lives near the area always goes there on special days to lay flowers or put some plants in the soil around it on behalf of all of us and then she sends us the photos on WhatsApp. Maybe you know someone in Liverpool who could do this for you?
Jo

Thank you, I’m hoping my sister will be able to go. It’s not the same but with a bit of luck she’ll be able to go, I don’t like the thought of them not having any visitors xx

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