Lost uncle. Advice about how to help mother.

My uncle was found dead unexpectedly last night. I am part of a very small family. He had no partner or children. My mother, his sister, is divorced and doesn’t have many close friends at all. She is 65. He was her best friend. A total hero of a man. They spoke most nights.

Recently he had been battling cancer but seemed to be making amazing progress, and doctors were very positive about him being cancer free after the next procedure, so the death was a total nightmare come true out of nowhere.

I am upset, of course. But my real deep concern is my mother. What will she do now? They were each others’ confidants. They had each others’ backs all the time, and he was who she went to every time she was struggling.

Myself and my sister are still around. Both of us are single with no other family. But my sister lives very far away and I am a total clueless idiot. Does anyone have advice on how I can be of help/use?

To make matters worse, we live in the UK while my uncle lived in the US, so we are just fumbling around trying to figure out how to sort things.

Does anyone have advice?

Thank you.

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Please help.

Hello @Darius,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your uncle and your worry about your mum. It sounds as though things are very difficult at the moment and you are lost as to how you and your sister can help her.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

Take care - keep reaching out,



Hi @Darius . Really sorry about how things have evolved for you. If you are a clueless idiot, then the rest of us are as well.
Of course you can help in sorting out practical issues for her, if she asks for help, but dont push it!.

For her welfare, all you can do is be there for her, sit quietly and ask her to talk about her feelings. Try not to give her advice, unless she asks for it, she doesnt need it (yet). Her mind will be in chaos, and unable to take in more things. Be calm and kind in her presence. It takes a long time to recover, and however long it takes, it cant be hurried.
Hang in there, it does get better!
Get used to making cups of tea!


Darius Just be there and be kind My husband just died recently abroad without me My son has just been there and been kind putting up with all my moods and being supportive listening to all my sadness and chat His generosity is helping so much There is a difficult road ahead for your Mum but you are already helping her Take care of yourself too.U matter too.


Thank you for your kind words. And sorry for your losses too.