Two days ago my boyfriend died suddenly and unexpectedly. He and I were in the process of moving to be together. He was the most interesting and loving person I’ve ever met and he made me happier than I had ever been.
Everyone has rallied round but I know once the funeral is over and everyone goes back to their normal lives, he still won’t be here and I’m frightened that I won’t cope. Ive also got no idea what to do with my future as all our plans now won’t happen. Could anyone give any thoughts on what helped them during that time and how to get through it?
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@RebeccaAnne1 so sorry for your loss. Just take it hour by hour, don’t try to think ahead. Try to eat and sleep and take all the help you can. Weeks down the line you may be able to contemplate more but the early days are really just survival. Take care.
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@RebeccaAnne1 so sorry for your loss. You lose the special person and then your future plans too. Its been 20 weeks for me. I read books on grief to make sense of it. Donna Ashworth has a book of poems called Loss, which i found iseful to dip in and out of. My work provided 6 sessions of counselling which i took. I also am on sertaline tablets which help me with anxiety and panic. Take time to decompress- i have watched so many Netflix series. If i wake up in the middle of the night i switch an episode on. Shower everyday. Go for a walk. Make plans to meet up with friends but dont feel guilty if you cant do it that day but keep trying. Reach out to people on this forum, we all understand although our journey through grief is different. Sending love to you.
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Thank you both so much for your kind replies. Going to speak to the doctor today and see about getting some sleeping pills. You’re both right of course that one little bit at a time is the way to do it. We will all get through this because we have to and I hope one day we will have better days but in the meantime it’s really nice to talk to people who understand xx
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Day at a time or even an hour at a time 
so sorry for your loss and you are right people do disappear after the funeral ! For them its over - for us its only just begun … trying to get through each day and make some sort of life for ourselves without our loved one xxx
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So sorry for your loss, I lost my partner on 29th June after a sudden heart attack. I’m 39 and lost without him. I’ve thankfully had good support from family, friends and work. Ive always said yes to meeting friends, as hard as it can be sometimes. Keep talking, try not to isolate yourself too much.
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I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I’m 40 so I guess we’re experiencing this at a similar time in our lives. Thanks for your advice, I will bear that in mind x
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All I can do is send you a virtual hug. Take care xx
@RebeccaAnne1 - I am so sorry that your boyfriend has died - what a shock, what a blow for this to happen just as you were taking things to the next level. The constant after partner loss is their absence, the big gap that they left behind. I felt very similar to you, in those early days and long, long nights after my husband Tom died. I found help in two books - The Madness of Grief by Rev Richard Coles and The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. I was thrown into a mass of admin and problems so my days were full of emails, phone calls, letters, scanning documents, just wading through it all. That would be my tip for you just now. Keep wading, keep inching forward. You will cope, my friend, for somehow, all of us on here, we do. We are stronger than we imagine, braver than we think and we keep going. New plans will start to form as you go, new ideas about what to do and what the future may hold. I am living a very different life now, to the one I shared with Tom and you know what? It is ok, in some ways, it is awesome and I know I am lucky. I miss him still and find myself saying “I wish Tom was here” several times a day - but - I am doing well, I am thriving now, not just surviving and I know you will get there, too. It’s not yet a week for you, so early, early days but please take heart from the fact that you will get through this and you will be ok. Keep posting - you have a new group of friends on here who understand, who care, who will be your cheerleaders and your companions as you go. x
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Thanks, it’s really good to hear that things can be good again. I know Chris would want me to have a good life so I suppose I’ll keep trying until I do. Just dreading the bit in the middle where it’s more awful than it is now, now it doesn’t seem real. Thanks for your kind words and I will look at the books you recommend x
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