I lost my mum a week ago on Monday, but I hadn’t seen her in the hospital 3 days prior to that and it felt like a life time. I didn’t see her because I couldn’t let her know how badly I was struggling knowing she wasn’t going to make it, I feel guilty but i would have felt worse if she knew I was in a state.
I’m 33, spent most of my life with her and the last 10 years caring for her so I knew her pretty well. She was very poorly anyway but what happened to her was unexpected. I’m in a house all alone, I miss her more than words can ever describe and sometimes I just don’t know how I’m going to carry on without her.. I just keep going for my nephews I guess. I have to find a new place to live as the landlord wants to put the house up for sale, so I feel like I’ll be leaving mum behind even though I want a fresh start somewhere and she’s out there somewhere at peace, we were actually waiting to be allocated a bungalow due to her struggling and I wanted a fresh start with her so I guess I’m grieving the idea of that too.
I’ve done a few things with my nephews since, stayed at both my sisters for a change and also spent a couple of nights back home on my own.. I feel so homesick for my mum, that’s the only way to describe it. People say we grow around the grief and we get stronger.. and that may be the case, but right now I’m just struggling to breathe.
Does anyone else feel this way?
