I lost my lovely husband just before Christmas and l feel completely lost without him. We first met at secondary school and had been married for 44 years. He was my rock, he loved looking after everyone. He dealt with all the money, the cars, the insurance everything. It’s been a very steep learning curve which l don’t feel up to dealing with. I feel so alone even though l have a close family and good friends but l’m still here on my own.
Everything is such a struggle, l’m now feeling l don’t want to go on without him. I try to think of my son and daughter and my grandchildren but it seems to getting harder.
I tried silver cloud but that was no help, l can’t get through to cruse!
My friend suggested a counselor but she isn’t taking on anyone else at the moment. Where do l turn as l don’t want to burden family or friends?
I feel your pain my husband died suddenly aged 43, he died in his sleep in Jan 23. Its been 15 weeks and I am totally devastated, i just want him back home now. I miss him so much wr were always together or talking on the phone. I feel like my soul has been ripped into pieaces, my adult children are not supportive at all, my friends and family also dont support anymore. I feel so alone , i yearn for him all the time , i hate my life i just wish i too die in my sleep like him.
I’m 14 weeks in today, having lost (sounds like I’ve misplaced him somewhere) my partner suddenly after 16 yrs, he was 49. The shock has lifted and I’m doing ok. I’m back at work on a phased return. I’m fortunate to have a supportive family and friends and still have two of my children at home, adults but relieved they are here.
I know having company helps and I think I would feel different if I was alone. A also know, if I was alone I would be making plans with family and friends so that I wasn’t. I’ve never enjoyed my own company but I would like to get to a point in life where I am happy, just me and my dog and only time will tell.
@Susan21 this is such a hard journey we are on but you are among people who understand on this site.
My parter died unexpectedly 14 weeks ago today leaving me in a life I didn’t know or want.
I have friends and family close by but it still feels very lonely as none of them replace the little moments shared with a partner.
Things can get overwhelming when there is lots to sort out. If I feel overwhelmed I try and do just one thing each day and the praise myself for completing it.
I find talking about how I feel really does help. If you don’t want to burden your family and friends maybe try writing a journal. I don’t write one daily but if I’m having a really bad day I will put all my feelings down which I find helps. Equally keep posting on here. You are among friends x
Hi @Susan21 I’m so sorry for your loss and can totally understand how you’re feeling. Bank holidays and weekends are particularly difficult as everyone else seems to be busy with their families and I end up just thinking about all the things I did with my husband that I can’t do anymore.
I had counselling after having breast cancer and it did help. There are registers of counsellors to be able to find one in your area and look for one specialising in grief.
Recommendations are good but that doesn’t mean they’re the right fit for you. You may find you have to try a couple of people until you find someone you fit with. A good counsellor understands this so don’t feel worried about changing.
I hope this helps a little xx
Dear @Susan21
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. There are no words to describe the pain of losing your spouse.
Have you seen the blog by Sue Ryder Losing a Partner , it may be of help to you along with the following resources. The Grief Coach may especially be of help to you.
- The self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief Grief Guide
- Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS. This service is also useful for family and friends
- Information on the Stages of Grief
- Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
Have you had a look at the Sue Ryder Counselling ?
There is an organisation called The Silver Line which is a helpline for anyone aged 55 and over. They provide friendship, conversation and support 24 hours a day 7 days a week. The number is 0800 4 70 80 90 and it is free.
This may be of help to you and sometimes it helps to talk to people outside of friends and family. This organisation is amazing, and it would be worth you looking at the website. There is also AtALoss which helps bereaved people find support and well-being. It may well be worth you taking a look at the website for support.
You need to take one day at a time and be gentle with yourself. We the Community are here for you, you are not alone, we understand the pain of losing a loved one. Keep talking to us here. Take care of yourself.
Peppers xx
Thank you Peppers for your good advice. I am now receiving the grief coach texts and l am finding them helpful. I showed them to my daughter and daughter in law and they have signed up too. I would recommend them to anyone who is grieving as they reassure and give strategies to calm you if you’re feeling overwhelmed which is what l needed.
I have tried silver cloud but it is designed for depression rather than grief so did not find it helpful.
Thank you again for your advice. Take care Sue xx
Hi everyone so helpful to hear from you all, it does help to know we are not alone in our grief and huge loss. Unless you’ve experienced loss of a partner people just cannot understand.
What do you say when people ask ‘how are you?’ I feel like saying ‘how do you think’ but l don’t! My life has changed completely and l hate it so much, just hate being on my own.
I try to keep busy and see someone every day but when you get home you’re alone again.
Take care everyone Sue X
@Susan21 im beginning to work out when people ask how I am, those who genuinely want to know and those who don’t know what else to say.
I either say I’m fine, when I’m not or “just going a day at a time” because most of the time I feel terrible.
It’s 12 weeks since my husband died and a year since my dads funeral, I feel like I’m drowning in loss at the moment. Some days I feel so exhausted and unwell that I have to just do nothing but that’s when the brain goes into overdrive.
Look after yourselves xx
I have found that people dont know what to say , im week 18 into losing my 43 year old husband and people just dont know what to say. I tend to say im okay as i feel people who have not experienced such a loss understand the emotional impact of losing your life partner. Ive returned back to work but feel so low its unreal i just wish my old life would return back again. Living without him is like torture, im trying to fill my days up but the nights are so lonely i miss him so much its unreal . I hate my life but i have no choice but to live it for my children who need me.
Yes you’re right l carry on for my children and grandchildren but it is so hard. I can’t believe it’s only five months since I lost my lovely Mike, it feels like years rather than months, time goes so slowly as it’s all such a struggle.
I get up each morning thinking another day without you but we have to go on for our family.
Unfortunately we have no choice ,i just feel like wanting my life to hurry up and end . Every day is such a struggle i hate feeling like this it awful just wanting the days to go by quickly
I understand how you feel, my husband died on 19th Dec, we were together 47 years, married 45.
We did everything together, he was my best friend, soulmate and love of my life. Hubby was 65 and he had cancer but everything happened so quickly at the end and I feel I let him down. If it wasn’t for my daughters and grandkids I don’t know what I would do. I look at couples walking hand in hand and feel so much pain, no one realises the little things that is missed, that cuddle just being told you are loved no one can replace these moments. I have days that I cry at the slightest thing. No one comes to the house I need to go to them, I’m okay though with that just now as I often stay with one of my daughters and help out with the grandkids.
I get sad thinking about all the dreams we were going to do once we retired, I’m thankful of the years we had together and the love we had. I think of him all the time and speak to him. I suppose we are all at the start of a new journey in our lives that none of us wanted to be in, my husband would say one of us will die before the other, and he said I would be stronger, but it’s not true. I have been putting photos up and feel that he is around me. X
@Mary.Mac you sun up the little things so we’ll. I’m missing the hugs so much and someone just to ask if I’m ok? I look at couples too and it just makes my heart yearn. We were together 34 years and it’s so hard not having him here.
Take care xx