Here i go again another day without my beloved paul why does it have to be this hard i wake up and i think thanks another shitty day without him here why oh why can i just not go and be with him and then i would be happy again i would have no more tears because i would be there with him at least i would have him to talk to and believe me i would talk his head off and he would let me there i would feel save again with him by my side i am so so ready to go and be with him any place he is has got to be better than bieng here on your own it just has to be ,dont worry i am not going to harm myself i am not that brave as to do that but its so hard without you here to help me get through my day i wish you where here my lovely and i could talk to you and you would make everything ok again this is horrible feeling like this
Hi @Sassychic I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I lost my husband two years ago now and because it was so unexpected and I have sons still at home, I just kept going and didn’t really have time to grieve properly. It’s really hit me more lately and like you I want to be positive but am struggling.
Keep the faith..I’m sure we will get there in the end. My sister’s life has changed for the better in recent times. She was on her own for 20 years after a divorce and then met an old colleague at a work reunion and they’re now so happy. Her life is unrecognisable from just a couple of years ago. I’m sure life brings as many unexpected bonuses we just need to keep the faith! Hope you have a better day x
Hi truly madly deeply
I am trying to stay positive as paul would want that but when certain people keep knocking you down it makes you think I am trying to cut them out of my life like my family tell me to do as they are pauls family its hard when that’s the only link I have to him but I know he would not be happy at them talking like that to me we never had any children which is such a shame as I think that would have made a difference but hey ho that’s what life deals you i am trying so hard to to stay so positive
Hi Sassychic , you’re alive for a reason & you will soon find happiness 
. PAUL wants that for you.
People who harm themselves are not brave,they do it out of despair, last month I was over thinking and I wanted to stop but I couldn’t I ended up hitting my head on the wall multiple times & I fell down,i lost vision i couldn’t see anything, I got my full vision slowly in 4 days ,when I was hitting my head I didn’t realize what i eas doing until I fell down, bled through the nose. I pray you don’t get there.
You’re going to feel better with time, PAUL wants that for you. Be strong.
Oh Wow! Glad its just not me feeling this way recently to @Sassychic & trulymadly deeply. Many a time I have thought as you have Sassy about not being here but like you I just get as far as thinking about it. I too have people here who still rely on me and I think in the end that is what keeps me going. I still have my son and daughter in law and grandchildren and I am a carer too for my older sister. Feeling my husband’s loss just that bit more this winter though I took a really bad bout of depression in June/July this year and went to the GP and she told me it was understandable as to how I was feeling as it was a possibly a culmination of the last few years with what I went through with my husband and then finally losing him and now looking after my sister who has ironically fought cancer twice (breast and bowel) but has learning difficulties and is currently awaiting heart surgery she’s a fighter and just keeps getting back up when she gets knocked down even though she does have mental health and learning issues. The GP said its a case of you just keep going and going and then- bang!! it can just hit you. I’m getting back to normal now but still have my off days my F**k days/weeks as I call them now and again but I know like unwelcome visitors they leave eventually. Take Care. Vicky x