So it’s 4 weeks now and the funeral was last week.
My mood has plummeted over the weekend. It feels very much like my life stopped 4 weeks ago. I’m no longer living just going through the motions.
I know this isn’t what Paula would want. And I’m conscious I am my own worse enemy. I just can’t see a way out of it.
I’m exhausted, never been so tired. What I want I can never have again.
But I have to get up, go to work, carry on as normal, like nothing has happened.
People ask me how I’m doing. I lie, they are only being kind.
This hurts too much.
4 Likes
How you are feeling is how you are meant to feel at this stage, but I can tell you it does get better with time, I think the shock wears off & we are more able to function, you will get to the stage where you can cope & when you think of particular times you will smile & feel warm.inside rather then.how you feel now
3 Likes
Hi Twoflower
Its really soon for you,Im nearly six months now and the tiredness has never gone away. For me ,its not that I have a rest and feel better,its in my bones and mind and nothing eases it.I can sleep ,always have if something is on my mind,I think its an escape but I dont wake like I used to, Im still tired! My problem is not eating,Ive lost weight.Just forget to eat.
Dont expect too much of yourself, youre getting up,getting ready ,working. Thats a lot. Im retired,hate the empty house so I joined a walking club ,got in touch with people I had not seen for awhile,didnt work,it was panic of being alone. So Ive tried to calm down,not think of the future too much.It really is one day at a time.
I send you some peace,its not easy.
4 Likes
I just had the anniversary of my husband’s death this week and made it through. There have been many times I felt like I just can’t do another day of this sadness but here I am. This site has helped me keep going many times,just knowing we all understand the horrible loneliness we carry now. This is a long journey and the ups and downs are pretty regular but I have hope that our love for our people will guide us to a better place eventually. Take care of yourselves.
3 Likes
Hi all
Thanks for the replies.
I sort of know that how I’m feeling is natural. Although I wish it wasn’t.
Think part of the problem is there is no one to talk to about it. This forum has become a bit of a lifeline.
The funeral didn’t help, it brought up so many memories. Which were happy ones but felt so painful.
And i find weekends especially difficult. If I don’t keep really busy I spiral out of control.
3 Likes
Sorry for your loss. It’s horrible but normal to feel the way you do. Grief has a way of tearing you apart. At 4 weeks l went from being totally numb to having reality kick in. I wish I could say you’ll begin to feel better soon but I can’t, I hope you have support from others. Take one day at a time, that’s all you can do just now. Take care.
1 Like