Lost

I’m not sure where to start really. My husband of 35+ years died in January from cancer… We had the news on 27th November last year that his condition was now terminal. He was determined to have a good Christmas with all our family around last year and we had a great Christmas Day. His decline after that was quite rapid. Since 27th November I find myself constantly looking back through old messages etc. and thinking ‘this time last year…’ On the surface I am coping and getting on with my life, I know that’s what he wanted for me. But it’s so hard and I’m so tired. The map we had drawn out for the rest of our life together has been erased, and I can’t seem to begin to draw a new one. I have supportive family and friends who tell me I’m doing a well and being so strong, but really, I do what I do because I don’t see that I have a choice. But it is so hard, I’m so lost and alone. It’s like a huge part of me is missing and I have to do twice as many things with only half the energy. I miss him so much.

I hate cancer so much it destroys so so many lives. It’s a terrible time for you I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost mum to cancer in August. We didn’t even know she had it. She passed two days after they told her she had terminal cancer. She was only in hospital with a chest infection. It’s such a brutal disease. That destroys everything in its path. I have no words of wisdom. The whole thing is too horrid for you for me try and make you feel better. There are no words are there? Do you have a good support network?

You are right. There are no words. Life is just too hard at the moment. Because of work I’ve not been able to access any counseling etc. as I’ve not been in the country for long enough. I’ve left my job for now. When I’m ready I will be able to go back. I just need some ‘me’ time. But now I’m back in our little flat, that was only meant to be temporary, where he worked so hard to make us a home, between treatments. I don’t think I want to stay here. We were only here while he was ill. Once he was better we were going to buy a little cottage somewhere and travel. He wanted me to still travel for him. I’m working on it, but it scares me too. I’ve never been a grown up on my own before.

Oh sweetheart I’m sending you a massive hug. You are tired because grief is exhausting… You have to work so hard to just do the daily things we don’t usually give any thought to. Then you’re trying to process the unprocessable… We feel fear of every thing… Change, independence, new steps… Our support is no longer there and it is up to us to make all the decisions. I know how you feel… But every little thing we manage to do is a step towards healing our hearts. Be gentle to yourself… If you feel the need to rest up and recharge do it. I hope you find a sense of hope for the future and find a way to forge yourself a new path xxx

1 Like

so sorry for your loss Gimet.
no answers here as im far from coping,like you I had plans with my Partner best friend and soul mate Jayne,sadly no future plans for me getting through each day is a challenge in its self.Jayne was my whole world and ive had friends say pointless things that have been little if any help would of been best if they had just shut there gobs.excuse my reaction as none of my friends have experience such a tragic loss so there comments are said without even knowing how it feels.hope you can get help and support,
regards
ian

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