I sadly lost my mother-in-law May 2019, then my mum November 2019, then the day before her funeral my father-in-law sadly passed away December 2019, and now my dad has just passed away.
I am a nurse and cared for my parents until their last breath
I am lost, I have never felt so lonely and I’m struggling with sleepless nights and the awful nighmares
I’m very sorry, what an unfair amount of pain for you.
I don’t have anything of comfort I can say. Its awful.
I read your post and thought if you can get up this morning maybe I can so now I will.
take care x
Thank you for your reply, just to read your words was comfort to me
I don’t feel I’m the same person, I am a peoples person so bubbly and so alive but for now I feel like I’m in a constant nightmate and there’s no way out
With such loss and heartache in such a short time I moved to Wales 3 days before lockdown back in March as I couldn’t stay in my house for all I saw was my beloved mum. I left my job, my friends who I miss terribly. Even though we have fab neighbours here I have never felt so lonely.
Then we had the news my dad had 3-6 weeks left of his life, I cared for him as a nurse and daughter with my brother and sister.
I am completely heartbroken, inside I’ m screaming for love and comfort to which I don’t get but as always in time I will try and pick myself up and be the person I once was
Thank you again
Hils xx
Dear Hils,
Your parents and parents-in-law were so blessed to have you. Not many people would be able and willing to do what you did, look after them until they passed away. They must have been so grateful and proud of you for what you did. To go though this 4 times in less than 2 years is very hard and I can totally understand that you are struggling.
Over the last 4 years I too have lost my dad and my mum, and a dear old friend. At the moment I am with my mother-in-law who is in the final stage of lung cancer. Like you, I was a nurse and so was able to look after my parents at the end of their lives. I found that when it is someone you love, nursing is very different than if it is a patient, because of the emotional bond. I also found that each loss brings back all the sadness from previous losses. Losing both parents also meant the loss of the place that was home, even though my siblings and I had moved out long ago, it was the place where we would all gather at special occasions and that place is no longer there. It also meant no longer being able to be child which may sound strange but I found that really hard and I still miss being able to phone mum or dad and ask for their advice.
I have always been a very good sleeper, but I did have trouble sleeping for a while after I lost my dad. I think it was because I had been doing waking nights and could not wind down. Are your nightmares related to real events, or just random bad dreams? Are you able to catch up on sleep during the day?
It must be hard to not have your friends around because you moved to Wales. I hope that they use their phones to give you support from a distance. Do your brother and sister live near you?
I hope that by coming to this site and reading other people’s posts and responses you will feel a little less lonely. I am afraid there is no easy way to go through the pain of losing our loved ones.
Sending you a virtual hug,
Jo
Dear Jo,
Thank you for your kind words.
I’m so sorry to hear of your sad losses and my heart goes out to you with your mother-in-law.
At the moment I cannot stop the tears.
Last Saturday 31st October was my birthday and my Dad said that he had to make it past that day and 1 hour 56 mins after midnight he took his last breath.
Today I’m finishing writing my Dad’s poem, eulogy and a piece for the vicar to read and it’s like climbing a mountain. His funeral is next Friday 13th November and today my brother found out that the pub in our little town is able to allow us to stay for the funeral. With only allowed 30 folk to attend, we will walk behind our Dad to the church and I know the whole town will be there to pay their respects to him.
I suffer from nightmares but since the passing of my Mum and now my Dad they have become worse where I scream out and they are absolutely awful, I’m too scared to go be bed at times knowing what awaits.
I keep in touch with my friends who are supportive and can’t wait to see them all again when allowed.
My brother is at my Dad’s house in Cornwall at present as is my half-sister who is in my other half-brothers house who lives in Australia, I also have another half-brother who lives up the road from my Dad’s.
My neighbours have been so lovely and supportive, I have had cards and flowers from them and I couldn’t be without them.
Take care Jo
Love Hils x