Hi my boyfriend of 8 years past away suddenly and I’m lost. My heart hurts I have not only lost my boyfriend but also lost my future a chance to marry and be s mum. He was 42 and I’m 40.
I have not left the house since he pat other then his funeral. The first few weeks I didn’t feel that bad. I put it in a box. We didn’t live together so it didn’t seem strange that he wasn’t there. Night times are worse as we video called each other every night. I have anxiety and panics most of my life so this breaking me. Then I did something I’m not proud of I joined a dating app just 3 weeks after his death. I got attention which was flattering I did explain I was a greaving girlfriend and some guys said sorry for your lose. Then this one guy ranted at me telling me I was callous as my boyfriend body wasn’t even cold and I most not have loved him. That’s when it hit me. What the heck was I doing. I feel horrible now like I was cheating on him. I’ve now cried everyday and feel so guilty and wish I could swop places with him.

@SasBob please do not beat yourself up about the dating app. You just needed someone/something at that time. You weren’t cheating on your boyfriend, you were desperately trying to find a way out of the pain. You have lost such a lot.
People can be insensitive and judgemental. Some may have a point with things they say or may not, but until someone has actually walked in your shoes they cannot effectively know what you are going through.
Try and get outside the house for a walk if you can. Someone on this site said he walked a lot. I decided to try it. Crocuses are coming through, and there are other signs that spring is around the corner. The feeling of loss doesn’t diminish, but if I have been for a walk I feel I have done something positive with my day.
Best wishes.

I don’t think anyone knows what lies ahead when the future seems like a book yet to be written but it is stopped but a sudden death.

I was given a so-called Z drug by my GP, I did exactly the same as you did - I have a known tendency to sleep walk, which she seemed not to know about. I took this drug, went to sleep, and woke the next morning with a very bad headache and a dim memory of doing something very stupid.

Once I was asleep, I sleep walked my way to opening a corked bottle of wine, drank almost all of it, joined some dating site and found, horrifid in the morning, dozens of men who wanted to get to know me better. I mean, ffs. I thought since I had found Jim, and realised after about 3 weeks that he was my soul mate, on the basis of 6 degrees of separation, which means essentially all humans developed from one pair of clever monkeys in Africa, we are all related in some way, via Adam & Eve, or whatever your belief system is or isn’t…

I was mortified. I was still in shock, which lasted for about 3/4 months after my husband died. During that time I made a few silly decisions which, with the help of a community psychiatric nurse, a psychologist and a psychiatrist, I have managed to put right. Now, 5.5 months later, I still ask them to help me to make important decisions, and I have a lawyer and accountant too.

I am half Scottish and half Irish, I am Catholic, so I believe that life continues after death. We none of us know the answer to that.

So we struggle along, as best we can. Try to forgive yourself and forget your mistakes, and that silly man who was so unsympathetic.

We struggle through. We can do no better or worse than this.


Christie xxx

Hi Christie

Thanks for sharing your story. I am totally lost i thought I could put my lose love and grief into a box and close the lid. Which worked for 2 week o thought I’d cracked it. Move on, I’m 40 my guy was 42 I always wanted to have children so we discussed trying this year (as I’m running out of time). My head is a mess it says if you wait the chance. Of becoming a mum is gone. So dating seemed my only way. But then I realised I don’t just want a baby I want our baby ( my boyfriend and me) and be parents together. I lost so much more then my one true love the day that he passed away. I cry and hurt feel like the day he died so much pain and many many tears. I know truthfully I just haven’t processed he’s gone. I’m back to work in a week 6 weeks since he passed but now I’m thinking it was a bad idea to go back so soon but I’m worried about to much time off work. At least the first week I’m working from home. Love to each and every one of you strong and loved people